(Closed) what to do when a friend says she’ll throw you a bachelorette party?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would say, “I talked with Bridesmaid X and she would love your help in arranging the party!” ~ she’s totally welcome to help out, but letting her know you’re pairing her with your Bridesmaid or Best Man to do it will 1) save you from having to do 2 parties and 2) let her know indirectly.

Of course, you should check with Bridesmaid X first, and maybe explain the situation to her.

Post # 4
4485 posts
Honey bee

I wouldn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, especially since you already said you aren’t close anymore and that you never intended to ask her for that reason. It’s ok if she plans a party for you but that shouldn’t come with the obligation of you adding her to your bridal party.

Post # 5
551 posts
Busy bee

I agree with the other posters. I wouldn’t make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man and to be honest, I wouldn’t say anything to her about that or the bachelorette party. I think we are all guilty of getting excited about something and saying stuff we probably have no intention of following through on, if you aren’t as close it was probably one of those moments. If it does get brought up I would totaly say what daydreamwanderer said.

Post # 6
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i also agree with the others, i wouldn’t ask her to be in the bridal party if you really aren’t that close to her. i have a group of friends that i’m actually close with, but i want a small bridal party so i was straight forward with them and said that i only was going to have family in the wedding. one friend said that she was fine with that, as long as she could throw me an awesome bachelorette party! (she ended up moving to africa, so that never happened). but i would be straight forward with your friend too, she probably sees your friendship the same way that you do, and if she wants to help with the bachelorette party anyway, that would be great.

Post # 8
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

If you arent going to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man – def go with the “Thats so great – Bridesmaid or Best Man X would love the help!” etc.  I would however, also consider whether or not you want to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If you’ve never been all that close – ok.  But if you used to be inseperable and have just drifted recently and now shes offering all this help – I’d consider.  Just my 2 cents – A Perfect Picture isnt worth hurting loved ones. (Not saying this will – its just my all around 2 cents)

Post # 9
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

If she brings it up again, I would tell her straight out that one of your BM’s or Maid/Matron of Honor is planning the party.  Or pair her with them because she wants to help.  Your Maid/Matron of Honor or BM’s feelings are likely to get hurt if you give the responsibility to someone who isn’t in the bridal party.  As for asking her to be in the wedding, I wouldn’t.  You’ve said you aren’t close to her, and you won’t get any closer by asking her to be in the wedding.

Post # 10
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree too. Just tell her that other Bridesmaids are already planning it, but you would be so thankful and grateful if she wanted to help out. That way, she’s not actually doing a BM’s job per se, but she’s still helping out.

I’ve also felt conflicted about not asking my Cousin to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. We’ve always been very close, but it’s a complicated political situation since she has two sisters very close to her in age who may get mad that they weren’t asked to be one too. So I totally understand where you’re coming from.

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