Post # 1
I have a friend who told me that she will throw me a bachelorette party. She also told me more than a year ago that when she gets married, I’ll be a bridesmaid for her. The problem is that we almost never talk these days. I just don’t feel as close to her as I used to feel. I had thought about asking her to be a bridesmaid, but decided not to because she is just not in the top tier of friends. Then, she told me about throwing me a bachelorette party. I think this is so nice so now I’m conflicted. Also, if she told me that she’ll throw a bachelorette party, does this mean that she expects to be asked to be a bridesmaid? That’s what it kind of sounds like to me. Do I ask her to be a bridesmaid? How do you think I should address this? Should I ask her what role she wants to have in the wedding?
Post # 3
I would say, “I talked with Bridesmaid X and she would love your help in arranging the party!” ~ she’s totally welcome to help out, but letting her know you’re pairing her with your Bridesmaid or Best Man to do it will 1) save you from having to do 2 parties and 2) let her know indirectly.
Of course, you should check with Bridesmaid X first, and maybe explain the situation to her.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, especially since you already said you aren’t close anymore and that you never intended to ask her for that reason. It’s ok if she plans a party for you but that shouldn’t come with the obligation of you adding her to your bridal party.
Post # 5
I agree with the other posters. I wouldn’t make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man and to be honest, I wouldn’t say anything to her about that or the bachelorette party. I think we are all guilty of getting excited about something and saying stuff we probably have no intention of following through on, if you aren’t as close it was probably one of those moments. If it does get brought up I would totaly say what daydreamwanderer said.
Post # 6
i also agree with the others, i wouldn’t ask her to be in the bridal party if you really aren’t that close to her. i have a group of friends that i’m actually close with, but i want a small bridal party so i was straight forward with them and said that i only was going to have family in the wedding. one friend said that she was fine with that, as long as she could throw me an awesome bachelorette party! (she ended up moving to africa, so that never happened). but i would be straight forward with your friend too, she probably sees your friendship the same way that you do, and if she wants to help with the bachelorette party anyway, that would be great.
Post # 7
I think that these are great suggestions. It makes me feel less guilty about not asking her to be in the bridal party. I had asked my mom and my best friend and they both said to ask her because it was so nice for her to offer to plan the bachelorette party. So, if she really wants to do it, let her.
Post # 8
If you arent going to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man – def go with the “Thats so great – Bridesmaid or Best Man X would love the help!” etc. I would however, also consider whether or not you want to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If you’ve never been all that close – ok. But if you used to be inseperable and have just drifted recently and now shes offering all this help – I’d consider. Just my 2 cents – A Perfect Picture isnt worth hurting loved ones. (Not saying this will – its just my all around 2 cents)
Post # 9
If she brings it up again, I would tell her straight out that one of your BM’s or Maid/Matron of Honor is planning the party. Or pair her with them because she wants to help. Your Maid/Matron of Honor or BM’s feelings are likely to get hurt if you give the responsibility to someone who isn’t in the bridal party. As for asking her to be in the wedding, I wouldn’t. You’ve said you aren’t close to her, and you won’t get any closer by asking her to be in the wedding.
Post # 10
I agree too. Just tell her that other Bridesmaids are already planning it, but you would be so thankful and grateful if she wanted to help out. That way, she’s not actually doing a BM’s job per se, but she’s still helping out.
I’ve also felt conflicted about not asking my Cousin to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. We’ve always been very close, but it’s a complicated political situation since she has two sisters very close to her in age who may get mad that they weren’t asked to be one too. So I totally understand where you’re coming from.
Post # 11
I completely understand about the cousins. I also have one female cousin whom I much closer to than my other female cousins. I can’t ask all of my female cousins to be in the wedding though. There are just too many. That would mean 4 extra bridesmaids plus the three whom I’m already planning to ask. I’m going to find other ways to include these cousins by asking them to do readings, etc.