Post # 1
I am the mother of the groom and recently hosted a second reception. The wedding and first reception took place out of state (where my son and wife live) and many of our friends and family members were unable to attend. I received 54 RSVP’s (after having to call several people asking for an RSVP after 4 reminders through Evite!) by the deadline (one week prior!) and 11 people didn’t show. I am really glad I told the caterer 50, as they said they always make more food than necessary, as it was a buffet and a few of the guests were children. Two people were sick and apologized, and the rest just didn’t show up. 5 of them are from one family (a good friend of the family for 30 years) and said 2 of their kids were sick, but are old enough to stay home alone, and the rest could have come but didn’t. Is this rude and inconsiderate behavior normal? Would it be polite to just stay silent about this? Or would you say something to the effect of, “We paid per guest and I am really disapointed you didn’t show up.” I am thinking of ending this friendship over this and other flaky occurences. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I will never host a party like this again. My recommendation for anyone planning a wedding is pay for those who show, although in some cases that is not possible. Or talk to the people you think may flake and let them know that you are paying per person and counting on them to show up.
Post # 3
It is unfortunately pretty common. I don’t know anybody who hasn’t had at least one no-show at your wedding. I think the appropriate reaction is no reaction. If you want to phase those “friends” out of your life, I think you just do the slow-fade without mentioning their no-show. You take the higher ground.
Post # 4
Eleven no-shows out of 54 RSVPs is kind of high. I think you are smart to think about re-evaluating your relationships in hindsight!
I think it is reasonable to expect some no-shows, but my level of frustration would depend on what their reasons were for not showing up. Of course, true emergencies cannot be helped. But if you know that someone didn’t show up because they simply changed their mind or decided they didn’t feel like it, then you might ask them to explain what happened and present your question from the angle of, “We were so disappointed you couldn’t make it.”
I wouldn’t give them too hard of a time about it, though. Otherwise you run the risk of being accused of equally bad manners. Two wrongs do not make a right.
I just want to say again that I totally understand why you are so frustrated about this. I would be, too!
Post # 5
You don’t do anything. If they want to reach out and apologize for no-showing, then it’s on them. I don’t like the notion of letting a guest know that you’re paying per person in any situation; a guest shows up to a party to celebrate the occasion, not to fulfill a per-plate obligation.
Post # 6
I actually no-showed to a wedding once when I was younger… simply because I was just not feeling very well.. I didn’t have the flu but I did have a cold and just felt sick. My family RSVP’d 5 but arrived with 4, since I didn’t go. Not the worst thing in the world but still it was pretty rude of me, looking back. I was completely ignorant and had no idea that people paid “per head” and that sort of thing. Maybe they didn’t know as well?
I would talk with your friends/family before ending a relationship. Maybe they had a really good excuse.
Post # 7
Don’t say anything. It’s one of those things unfortunately that goes with the territory. We had some no shows at our wedding too.
Post # 8
Oops. I’m noticing that this is a double post! I’m going to go ahead and close this one so the OP can get all her responses here:
What to do when guests RSVP and don't show up?