(Closed) What to do when guests RSVP and don't show up?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It is unfortunately pretty common. I don’t know anybody who hasn’t had at least one no-show at your wedding. I think the appropriate reaction is no reaction. If you want to phase those “friends” out of your life, I think you just do the slow-fade without mentioning their no-show. You take the higher ground.

Post # 4
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee

Eleven no-shows out of 54 RSVPs is kind of high. I think you are smart to think about re-evaluating your relationships in hindsight!

I think it is reasonable to expect some no-shows, but my level of frustration would depend on what their reasons were for not showing up. Of course, true emergencies cannot be helped. But if you know that someone didn’t show up because they simply changed their mind or decided they didn’t feel like it, then you might ask them to explain what happened and present your question from the angle of, “We were so disappointed you couldn’t make it.”

I wouldn’t give them too hard of a time about it, though. Otherwise you run the risk of being accused of equally bad manners. Two wrongs do not make a right.

I just want to say again that I totally understand why you are so frustrated about this. I would be, too!

Post # 5
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You don’t do anything.  If they want to reach out and apologize for no-showing, then it’s on them.  I don’t like the notion of letting a guest know that you’re paying per person in any situation; a guest shows up to a party to celebrate the occasion, not to fulfill a per-plate obligation.

Post # 6
Member
1292 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I actually no-showed to a wedding once when I was younger…  simply because I was just not feeling very well.. I didn’t have the flu but I did have a cold and just felt sick. My family RSVP’d 5 but arrived with 4, since I didn’t go. Not the worst thing in the world but still it was pretty rude of me, looking back. I was completely ignorant and had no idea that people paid “per head” and that sort of thing. Maybe they didn’t know as well?

I would talk with your friends/family before ending a relationship. Maybe they had a really good excuse.

Post # 7
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Don’t say anything.  It’s one of those things unfortunately that goes with the territory.  We had some no shows at our wedding too.

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