(Closed) What to Do When Mom is "Just Being Honest"

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsTVLover:  When exactly did I say I didn’t cry? Just because I don’t over peoples opinions of me or things I like doesn’t make me stone cold. Thanks though!

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@Bostongrl25:  I guess I just don’t get disapointed over frivolous things.. its paper. A grown woman should not be that disapointed her mother doesn’t like something she likes.

Post # 33
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

UGH moms!  I’m so sorry – it does suck to have something you’ve worked so hard on that you love shot down by your mom.  I agree with you – if something is already done, it’s done, and if you have nothing nice to say, how about “Neato!”  or “Innovative!”  “Different!”  or anything even remotely neutral.  My mom once told me that her worst fear was that she wouldn’t live long enough to see me thin.  I couldn’t believe I’d just heard her say that – and we’re best friends – I know she didn’t mean it the way she sounded (I’m only about 20 pounds overweight but I’ve struggled with gaining and losing in the past few years) – but she got tripped up with what she MEANT versus what she SAID – and unfortunately, I’ll never forget what she said.

You sound a lot like me – I hate having conflict with my mom – I would absolutely call her back, once you’ve had at least an hour or so to take the edge off, and calmly tell her that she did hurt your feelings – that it’s fine if she those weren’t her cup of tea, but what she said was hurtful and unncessary.

Can we see the invites??  They sound awesome!

Post # 34
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@solsticewedding:  Listen to me (said very motherly like, I know..sorry!) mothers have different tastes from us.

Trust me when I tell you that everything I put on is usually received with a look of “Oh wow…that’s what you’re wearing?” from my mother. It’s just…different tastes. We have almost 30 years of age difference between us – I do not expect her to understand certain things. 

Please don’t worry that your mom does not get minimalism. Just don’t. Your invitations sound freaking lovely and I would love to see them because I’m in need of some inspiration right now. And like you said, the rose-doodle filled invitations out there aren’t to everyone’s taste. 

Be strong! & do not stress this stuff. You’ll forget about it very soon! It’s ok to want mom’s approval (I do too) but some things are just not worth it!

*HUG*

Post # 35
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@KC-2722:  it’s not your place to say how another person should feel.  You’ve used that word a few times, and it’s really not appropriate here.  The fact is, OP was upset. Whether you would have been upset is irrelevant.  Either support her, or please leave. Critiquing her feelings is just not fair.  

Post # 36
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@solsticewedding:  “I’m just being honest mom, that was really heartless.  If you don’t have anything nice to say, keep it to yourself.”

Post # 37
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsTVLover:  Pardon me for not sharing the same opinion as everyone else, and yes I do think that grown women should be stronger than to cry over their mothers opinon on paper, after they sought it out.

Post # 40
Member
1934 posts
Buzzing bee

Aww, I’m so sorry. They sound amazing–I, like other PPs would love to see a pic if you have one. How cool is that to use a typewriter–and that your Fiance designed the stamp? That is such a cool personal touch! Please don’t let your mom’s reaction get you down. If they made you happy, they still should no matter what anyone else thinks! 

Post # 41
Member
6386 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@solsticewedding:  *HUGS* Not everyone has the same taste/style, so maybe you and your mom just don’t agree on the invites (however, I think she could have phrased it differently).  I don’t think you should be too hard on yourself, it’s one person’s opinion.  I’m sure there are plenty of your guests that will love the style invite you chose.

Post # 42
Member
2639 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Your Mom was harsh, but she didn’t mean to hurt you. And Moms, despite (usually) having our best interest at heart, don’t always get it.

Our wedding was in an industrial museum. A former graphic designer, I designed our invites with gears on them- totally fit the venue. I asked Mom if she liked them- “Well, I’m not sure…I thought wedding invites were supposed to have flowers on them?”

To this day, she still may not like them, but that’s okay, *I* loved them, and I’m the one who’s going to have one hanging on my wall.

Your Mom may also come around a little when she gets positive feedback from other people about the invites.
“Solsticewedding’s invites were so creative! Wherever did she get them?”-Aunt Betty
“She made them herself”- Solstice Mom
“Oh my, how wonderful…”

Post # 43
Member
2850 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@LilRhodyGem:  

I don’t like to minimize other people’s pain or say that their feelings don’t matter. Even if I may think someone is being too sensitive, I know their feelings are real to them and it doesn’t do any good to add to their upset. I agree that it is okay not to sugarcoat things. I just think there must be a less cutting way to speak the truth.

Post # 44
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Post pics of the invites! I’m sure they’re beautiful…they sound amazing. It’s so ridiculously cool that you hand-typed them all!

Post # 45
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

@KC-2722:  I agree. I also find it rather funny that so many people are aghast at your first comment. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. It’s not as if you insulted her, so I don’t get what all the ruckus is about.

 

 

You asked your mom what she thought, OP, and she told you the truth. Maybe she didn’t say it in the nicest way, but it certainly sounded like she tried to be tactful. It even seems like she didn’t say anything for all that time specifically because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I’m not sure what else she could have done other than lie to you. 

 

I get why you’re hurt, but I don’t think she did anything wrong. Your invitations sound lovely, and whlie she didn’t like them, I’m sure other people will appreciate what you and your fiancée created.

 

 

 

Post # 46
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee

I meant to type ‘while’. I am typing terribly today…

 

 

 

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