Post # 1
So, our wedding is in November and we are trying very hard to have a budget-friendly, small, simple affair. Fiance already thinks there are way too many people on the invite list, but between our families and closest friends we can’t cut under 150, and we are assuming from our list we will have right around 100 actually come.
With that being said, there are easily another 50+ we would like to invite, but if we invite one or two, we open up the flood gates so to speak. Our reception site will only hold 100 for a seated dinner, so we are already pushing it as it is.
So, this brings me to my problem. Several people have mentioned to me, we can’t wait for your wedding, when is the big day, we can’t wait to see your dress, etc. The problem, most of them are not on the list! Today, I ran into a girl I used to work with, and she proceeded to tell me that she another previous co-worker were discussing taking off work for my wedding! Again, they are not on the list! I just froze. I didn’t say anything. I hate that we can’t add more people, I really do! But I am a little flabbergasted that so many people assume they are invited.
What do I do??
Post # 3
@jensmit_ua: you have to be honest and tell them that they aren’t invited in the nicest way possible. If you avoid it now there will be even more hurt feelings when they don’t get an invitation.
Post # 4
i would just be honest — that you’re so touched by how excited they are for you, and that you wish you could invite all your friends to the ceremony, but because of budget / venue constraints you have to keep the invite list small, and you have to accommodate your large family. i think most people will understand, but it is such an uncomfortable situation to be in!
Post # 5
I just told people “oh, while we’d love to invite everyone we could, unfortunately, our venue only allows x amount…”
Post # 6
has given you the correct advice. Smile, say you’re sorry you can’t invite everyone you would like to, and “let’s plan a girl’s get together after the wedding so I can share with you”.
Post # 7
I agree with ms. fondue. The only people who should feel awkward are the one’s inviting themselves.
Post # 8
Thanks so much ladies! I really appreciate your advice. I was so taken aback that people just make an assumption like that!
Post # 9
I don’t have anything to add that PPs haven’t already said. Good luck. <3
Post # 11
Yes! You have to stop them right away and say they aren’t invited (again in a nice way). Some people might be talking about your wedding (ie taking off work) to see your reaction and get a hint if they are invited or not. If you don’t say anything right away, they will assume they are getting an invite.
Always tricky, but you’ll handle it. Most people should understand, weddings are expensive. Some will be sad/offended, but don’t let that bother you!
(I’ve had a single friend ask 3 times if she can bring a plus one. Each time it’s a ‘no’ and it’s getting annoying she keeps asking, so just a heads up, you might have to tell people twice!)
Post # 12
If it makes you feel any better, my cousin decided she’s coming with her two children. I hadn’t even sent out the invitations OR the save-the-dates!!! lol (We do have enough room for them, though, so it’s ok, but I’m wondering how many other people have already assumed that they’re coming… haha)
Post # 13
Thanks again ladies! I was so flabbergasted, that I just stood there like an idiot when she said it. I don’t know when/if I will see her again before the wedding. Should I send her an e-mail or call her to let her know she is not invited, or just wait and hope she gets the clue when she doesn’t get in invitation.
Grrrrr! This is so frustrating…
Post # 14
People have asked me on facebook if they’re invited. I just ignored them 🙂 But in person, I guess I would just have to be honest and say we can only invite a certain amount of people so family took precedent and then extremely close friends.
Post # 15
you better start speaking up.
Post # 16
I actually have the opposite approach. I say nothing. I don’t indicate they are invited. If someone who is not invited asks me the date I just tell them the month. I haven’t had anyone directly ask me if they are invited so I haven’t had to answer. In that case, I guess I would give them the shpiel. But otherwise, I just let them babble on. I think sometimes people are testing the waters to see IF they are invited and you are right it’s usually people that aren’t even on a D list.