(Closed) What to do when people invite themselves??? Please help!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7586 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@jensmit_ua: you have to be honest and tell them that they aren’t invited in the nicest way possible. If you avoid it now there will be even more hurt feelings when they don’t get an invitation.

Post # 4
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

i would just be honest — that you’re so touched by how excited they are for you, and that you wish you could invite all your friends to the ceremony, but because of budget / venue constraints you have to keep the invite list small, and you have to accommodate your large family.  i think most people will understand, but it is such an uncomfortable situation to be in!

Post # 5
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I just told people “oh, while we’d love to invite everyone we could, unfortunately, our venue only allows x amount…”

Post # 6
Member
47343 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@ms. fondue: has given you the correct advice.  Smile, say you’re sorry you can’t invite everyone you would like to, and “let’s plan a girl’s get together after the wedding so I can share with you”.

Post # 7
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree with ms. fondue. The only people who should feel awkward are the one’s inviting themselves.

Post # 9
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t have anything to add that PPs haven’t already said. Good luck. <3

Post # 10
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

sorry double post.

Post # 11
Member
281 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yes! You have to stop them right away and say they aren’t invited (again in a nice way). Some people might be talking about your wedding (ie taking off work) to see your reaction and get a hint if they are invited or not. If you don’t say anything right away, they will assume they are getting an invite.

Always tricky, but you’ll handle it. Most people should understand, weddings are expensive. Some will be sad/offended, but don’t let that bother you!

(I’ve had a single friend ask 3 times if she can bring a plus one. Each time it’s a ‘no’ and it’s getting annoying she keeps asking, so just a heads up, you might have to tell people twice!)

Post # 12
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If it makes you feel any better, my cousin decided she’s coming with her two children. I hadn’t even sent out the invitations OR the save-the-dates!!! lol (We do have enough room for them, though, so it’s ok, but I’m wondering how many other people have already assumed that they’re coming… haha)

Post # 14
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

People have asked me on facebook if they’re invited. I just ignored them 🙂 But in person, I guess I would just have to be honest and say we can only invite a certain amount of people so family took precedent and then extremely close friends.

Post # 15
Member
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

you better start speaking up.

Post # 16
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I actually have the opposite approach.  I say nothing.  I don’t indicate they are invited.  If someone who is not invited asks me the date I just tell them the month.  I haven’t had anyone directly ask me if they are invited so I haven’t had to answer.  In that case, I guess I would give them the shpiel.  But otherwise, I just let them babble on.  I think sometimes people are testing the waters to see IF they are invited and you are right it’s usually people that aren’t even on a D list. 

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