(Closed) What to do when someone can't/won't provide a mailing address?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

Ha, my SO and I lived at our old house for nearly a year and he never remembered our address. We just bought a house, and while I think he’s made more of an effort to learn it… he still will ask. 

He also doesn’t know my phone number by heart. 

Love the guy, but his memory for that kind of thing blows. 

Post # 19
5360 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@sillysillybee:  What a stupid situation. I had exactly the same issue when I was planning my sister’s baby shower. One male cousin had just moved (like, literally the day I asked for his address) and I was also asking for his brother’s. Guess what? He responded when he had his address in front of him and called his brother for his. Duh. 

Like others have said, I guess the best option is send three invitations to his parents’ house. 

Post # 20
7934 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sillysillybee:  my uncle in his 50’s moved to the dominican.  i asked him for his address and he told me to send it to his mother’s house in florida.  they were already getting their own invitation.  i was sending one to him anyway, so it wasn’t a matter of money.  i just sent my uncle’s addressed to him at his parents’ address.


DH’s cousin (in her 30’s) lives in Colorado with her husband.  DH told me to also send her invitation just to her to her mother’s house in the same state as us.  there was a lot of drama involved in this one.  so it was just easier to send it to her mother’s (DH’s aunt) who also received their own invitation.


no big deal.  if your cousins’ want their invitation to go to their parents’ house, just sent it there.  address it to them lke you planned on it but put their parents address.




Post # 21
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@sillysillybee:  I’d send the invites to their parents.

At least you HAVE parents to send them to AND contact with the cousins. Two of my fiance’s cousins have not responded with addresses & their parents passed. I tried to get their addresses from their siblings and that failed, too. So I just cut them from the guest list. If they don’t care enough to respond to get an invitation, then they shouldn’t be offended when they’re not invited.

Post # 24
740 posts
Busy bee

My cousin was travelling in Europe at the time, staying with her boyfriend. My aunt told me not to bother inviting her because she doesn’t have an address and she won’t come anyway. Well, I didn’t feel right with that so I sent my cousin’s invitation, addressed to her and her boyfriend, to my aunt’s address. 

My other cousin came back from living out of town and was temporarily living with his mom and dad while he tried to find a place. I sent him his own invitation at the address of my aunt/uncles as well. He’s an adult and it didn’t seem right including him with his mom and dad.

Post # 25
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sillysillybee:  Well – if they are acting like children, treat them like so lol. Just send one “family” invitation to the parents with all members listed on the invite. 

Post # 26
1438 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would hardly consider this something to stress over…in the grand scheme of things.  Just send their seperate invites to the parents and move on.   

Post # 27
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - The Fox Hill Inn

I agree with rockstar33, just send separate invites to their patents and move on. We sent separate invites to anyone 18+ whether they lived with their parents or not. you’ll probably end up having to follow up with their rsvp’s anyway. This is minor. 

Post # 28
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@sillysillybee:  Guys are like that. One of my DH’s friends was like ‘I don’t know my home address, so just drop it off at my Dad’s house (which I don’t know the address of either)’ So we did! Hahahaha. 

Just send all the invites to their parents address, and the parents will distribute them. Don’t worry about it, they obviously won’t feel offended. 

Post # 29
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@sillysillybee:  TBH, I probably wouldn’t send him an invitation if that is the response I got. I had a similar situation where I sent a facebook message to a cousin asking him for his address, I could see he read it but never replied. I’m not going to chase people down for their addresses…if you’re an adult, you can respond.


Post # 30
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@sillysillybee:  2 of my cousins are both over 20 and live with their mom, they each got their own invitation at her house – their dad (my uncle) and his wife got theirs at their own house.

My other cousin and his girlfriend couldn’t tell me their address and told me to send the invite to his mom (my aunt) – he lives on their farm, not at the same house as she does – so again, 2 invites that costs about $1.40 a piece to mail, went off to that house.

They’re adults, they get their own invites.  It’s a PITA, but it is what it is.  We’re also still waiting on an address for one of FH’s best friends.  He messaged him 2 days ago and we’ve had no answer – I did ask him to get the address 6 months ago, but he’s a guy…he doesn’t understand these things.  I think he’s pretty bummed at the moment that we don’t have the address either, he told the guy that it was for a wedding invite (that he pretty much demanded when we announced our engagement).

Post # 31
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I would send one invite and multiple RSVP cards.

OR an invite with a single RSVP card for the whole family, since they’re not acting like adults.

I had to send an invitation like this – FI’s cousins are in their early 20’s and we sent the invite to their parent’s house with 4 spaces on the RSVP card for names.
The cousins live mostly on mom and dad’s dime, so I didn’t see a problem addressing the invite as if they were still dependants – they are!
The difference is that we didn’t give these cousins +1’s, since they’ll have plenty of family there and we didn’t want to pay $120pp for two extra complete strangers we’d never see again – we’re paying for the wedding ourselves. (the younger male cousin is also a bit of a con artist, and we don’t trust him to bring a responsible friend)
Screw ettiquite, they’ll still have a good time.

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