(Closed) What to do when someone who didn't RSVP shows up?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do if this was your wedding?

    Inform the guests who didn't RSVP that they will have to leave before the wedding starts

    Let them stay for the wedding (standing only) but say there is no room at reception

    Let them stay for the entire thing, find chairs and let them join the meal

    Let them stay, but eat at a second sitting after all other guests have eaten and tables are spare

  • Post # 3
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Zoe75:  What we did was try to contact the person twice after the RSVP date. We wrote down the time of the call/email/text.

    We had a hostess who had a list at the door. Those who RSVPed were let in. Those who did not were todl “I’m sorry but we never received your RSVP. You tried contacting you this time and when we hward no response we assumed you could not come. You can stay to see if someone who did RSVP does not show up but we will have to wait until after dinner is served” in the nicest was possible. It is their fault, not your’s!!

    We had a lot of no shows the day of the wedding so the 6 people who never RSVPed that showed up were allowed to sit down

    Post # 4
    3054 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    First, I would not take “maybe” as an answer, either you are coming or you are not.

    Second, if they were to just show up. I wouldn’t say anything to them as I will be too busy with everything else. There would be no seat or meal for them. Awkward for them maybe, but its not my concern and I should not have to worry about accommodating them. Call me cold, but you don’t just randomly show up to a wedding and expect it to be okay.

    Post # 5
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I don’t know.  If someone didn’t RSVP, but they still made an effort to show up, I’d be the bigger person and try to accommodate them.  You might have people who RSVP’d “yes,” and then don’t show, so it could even out in the end.

    Even if it doesn’t, I just can’t imagine that I would have remembered who RSVP’d, who didn’t and noticed who showed or didn’t accordingly.  I was way too wrapped up in a big ball of happy and pretty on that day to be focused on such things.  

    We had a very small wedding (38ppl), and pretty much see everyone that was invited at least on a weekly basis, so I also accepted verbal RSVP’s. 

    Post # 6
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee

    The polite thing to do is to accommodate them.  Caterers will ALWAYS have extra dishes, cutlery etc. Especially if it is a buffet, as people may want 2nd rounds.  Even at a plated dinner they bring extras in case something is dropped.

    I also suspect that it would be possible to come up with extra tables, and seat the extras at a table even if it means they would be slightly squished.  But of course following up with the guests a head of time is better then getting a surprise.



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