Post # 1
Hey everyone! This is my first post… kind of late considering the wedding is just a month away now. But the truth is this whole name thing (to change or not to change) has got me a lot more flustered than I ever thought it would!
First the sitch: I already have a hyphenated last name (thanks hippie parents). I’m also an only child… so there are only three LP’s in the world. And I LOVE that. I love that I am the only SLP on google, fb, etc. And even though it’s a pain filling out paperwork (thank god there’s no scantrons in the real world) and people have a hard time pronouncing it (even though it’s phonetic), it IS who I am and have been for the past 26 years.
But… I also am excited to be a “Mrs”. I’ve been with Mr. Elephant for over 10 years (high school sweethearts) and I feel like it’d be a little anti-climatic if I didn’t share his name. I’ve talked to him about it and he’s always thought that when we got married I would become Mrs. G. But he says “I don’t want to change my name so I can’t expect you to want to change yours.” I also don’t really like the idea of having my children having a different name than me. Mr. Elephant and I have already decided that the kids will have G as their last name and my L as all of their middle names. I am more attached to the L part of my name as it’s the “cool” Italian part.
So what to do?? Here are the options:
1. Stay SLP. No new name. No having to change my SS# or DL (yay for laziness!). But no shared family name either. I was trying to convince Mr. Elephant (and myself) that I could still go by Mrs. G socially… but I really don’t think it would happen in our situation. The only people that would call me by my last name are those formal people anyway (like drs, etc. where I’d have to give my legal name).
2. Become SG. Say goodbye to LP. No more hard name to spell or pronounce, no more hyphen. But not more “oh are you Italian? L is such a pretty name”. And no more originality. (There are at least 50 SGs on fb). I also supposed I could move the L to my middle name, but I like my middle name and won’t get rid of it… and I don’t know how i feel about having two.
3. Go with SLG. Not the best initials I guess. Keep the Italian part of my name and hyphenated it with BFs name. In my head, this would allow me to be Mrs. G to say our kids teachers, us to all be the G Family, etc. (not sure how realistic that is… Like Mr. Elephant says, I would still have a different last name than my kids. But “some G is better than no G at all”).
ANY OTHER IDEAS?! Please helpful little bees I need some guidance. I never thought it’d be a big deal or this emotional for me…because really what’s a name. But I just keep going back and forth. I want both worlds and I can’t have them.
Post # 3
Yikes.. I went a pretty standard route and changed my last name to my husbands and made my maiden name my middle. I can’t really tell you what to do but I have one concern. If you became SLG do you think your “P” parent (don’t know if its your mom or dad) would be hurt?
Post # 4
I’m a traditionalist & am taking my FI’s name (we’re HS sweethearts to!). You could create a whole new name combining both of them, but I’m taking my FI’s name, and am excited! 🙂 You’ll always be SLP, even if your name changes!
Post # 5
I’m feeling the same way, I don’t want to let go of my Italian last name as my Fiance isn’t at all Italian but I want there to be a sense of unity in the house. I think for myself I’m leaning toward taking my last name as my middle name. Good luck, I hope others have an answer.
Post # 6
The P is my mom’s maiden name (both of my parent’s hyphenated when they got married). I’ve already talked about this option with her (when I thought I’d already decided… silly me) and she was fine with it. Both mom’s P and Mr. Elephant’s G are English/Welsh/Mutt type names so I guess I feel less of a connection to it.
One question Moose: when you made your maiden name your middle name, did you get rid of your birth middle name?
Post # 7
Yup.. I dropped my middle name (it was Elizabeth which was my mother’s middle name and she also dropped it when she married.. my first daughter’s middle name will also be Elizabeth so it will still have it’s time to shine!). My last name is also a very unique Greek name… the only people with the name are my immediate family members (mom, dad, bro) so it was hard for me to totally drop it just like you. Although I didn’t hyphenate I have my full middle name spelled out on all my documentation.. my license, my passport, my business cards.. so I still get to see it frequently but socially I just use my new last name. I also found it’s way easier to have my maiden name spelled out on my ID because that way if I have something that’s still in my old name, like my car registration is, I can still prove that I am that person. It’s worked out really well for me.
Post # 8
I also think it’s weird that America has this whole tradition of the wives changing their name. I’ve been researching the whole thing and it seems like in lots of cultures, it’s not the norm. But… I’m a weird mix of feminist/liberal/romantic/traditionalist. Hence the problem.
@pmerr: I might have considered making up a whole new name (FSIL joked about it too) but Mr. Elephant is super attached to his name… He has a big, close family. Also, his dad passed away about a year ago. (But I’m pretty sure he’d never change it regardless).
Post # 9
So I know this post is over a year old, but I figured I’d contribute just in case anyone stumbles upon it…
I went to high school with a guy who had a hyphenated last name. When he got married he replaced his mother’s maiden name in the hyphen with his new wife’s maiden name.
So, John Smith-Jones married Jane Doe and became John Doe-Jones.
Post # 10
@KatyInWaiting: I have written a blog about hyphenated last names, and this is just my personal solution to the whole thing. Teach your kids about their hyphenated last name, the reasons for it, and their name choices. I have included this as a solution for those with hyphenated last names (the whole Four last name gasp). Persoanlly my name is spanish style and I am going to continue the tradition, Middle names in Spain can be last names. I will more then be happy if any of my future children want to dump my north irish last name for my spanish last name (the culture I resonate with more is Spanish, but I am super attached to my north irish last name because its so uncommon here, and its mine, nobody who knows me knows my father outside of my family that is). Anyway, That is a very interesting solution. I really like it for some reason, and wouldn’t have a problem with any of my kids doing that. They will all get stuck with Hernandez as their middle name though, just to remind them of the heritage of their mother.
For starters my name is: S**** A** H******** C******* and will become: S**** A** H******** C******* – B*******. Just the entire thing, its my entire name, and one of these days, I am certain long names arent’ going to be a problem.
In conclusion. Really love that solution, it seems perfect actually. It reminds me of “Leaving your Father and Mother to cleave unto Wife” in the Bible (and that could easily be husband too). Like as a man, he stops carrying his mothers name, and carries wifes-father’s name, and for the Wife she stops carrying the Father’s name and carries husband-mother;s name…or something like that….they would share a name either way…probably hyphenate it the same way.
Me just rambling. Okay on the name thing I’m just excited, here is to the Future Mr. and Mrs. C******-B*******. (yes I am toasting to myself and my darling fiance)
Post # 11
@currentbee: This is an interesting solution and one that I may consider…
Post # 12
My FI’s has two names. My last name is G and his is G-T you will find a way to make it work, because he has two names I will drop mine.