(Closed) What to do when your FI loses his job?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
325 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

First of all I am SO very sorry! We live in Michigan and because of the job market here my Fiance couldnt keep a steady job for 6 months and was laid off for a whole year. IT SUCKS! With the economy he will really have to swallow his pride and just find anything right now. Anyone who has some type of a job right now is lucky. My best advice is to just be his rock. Encourage him with whatever he needs. Thats what men really need from us girls. To still feel important and needed. Losing a job is a huge blow to a mans ego. So just be there for him. Go with him to find other jobs. (dont go in but stay in the car and ride around with him) He’ll need you when everywhere is saying they are not hireing. Keeping all your worries inside is so tough! This will really test your relationship though and when you come out of this your relationship will be alot stronger! Good luck and stay strong girly!

Post # 4
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Aww, this is awful news for both of you. I would just try to be there for him and not push him too hard. Losing a job is a huge blow to the ego, especially for men who like it or not often think of themselves as breadwinners. Avoid anything that would make him feel like you are nagging or mothering him. He needs to find a way to be in control of his life. Give him time to process too.

I understand about not wanting to look for something beneath what he has now—my husband would be the same way. It’s a matter of pride, but also he is unlikely to get a job he is grossly overqualified for anyway (the hiring people wouldn’t trust that he would stay). So really it’s unlikely he could get way lesser work for the interim even if he wanted to; hopefully knowing that will help you be more patient. Also, make sure you get signed up for unemployment, that at least will soften the financial burden somewhat. Good luck to both of you and I hope he finds something soon.

Post # 5
1154 posts
Bumble bee

Keep in mind that unemployment should keep you treading water for quite a while and that him taking another job just to pay the bills would really harm the unemployment income. 

I would give it some time.  You married a well functioning adult – trust that he is still such an adult and that you will get through this together.  Especially since you have a job and a honemoon/savings fund, I think it’s far from time to panic.  (not that you are but I know it’s hard not to worry)

Post # 6
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Also keep in mind that if he is eligible for unemployment benefits, they might be cut even if he gets a job even if there is little pay or is part time.  There are a lot of rules surrounding this type of benefit.  My dad was laid off several years ago for several months and it would have actually hurt our family more if he had gotten a significantly “lesser” job because he wouldn’t have been eligible for unemployment (which was closer to the amount he was normally paid than like a job at McDonalds or something).

Post # 8
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

hey girlie… M has been laid off since the Tuesday before Christmas and it has sucked :(… but we have been okay. His unemployment was approved pretty quickly so we didn’t have that to worry about for too long.  But him finding a new assignment has taken much longer than usual.

Post # 9
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Well my husband has been home since November, job-less. He also doesn’t want to take a job with a pay cut, but he needs to get the heck over it. Darling Husband was a captain in the Army. No lie, they make like 75K a year. I don’t feel weird announcing that since you can pretty much look it up online–soldier’s salaries are public info. He’s also not eligible for unemployment which is sucky, but he said he’d rather work. It’s a pride thing.

He’s an engineer and will likely get something mid-50K. He just has to acknowledge that “beggers can’t be choosers” and he may have to get over it. It is what it is. Hopefully your Fiance can do like my Darling Husband does–he does everything around the home so he has a “job” basically. We’ve gotten a lot done since November and I’m grateful to not have to have done a single dish or swept or vacuum in months. We get more time together, but it’ll be nice when he has a job. It really sucks to get up, go to work every day, work out, and he sleeps in, plays video games, and watches tv and stuff all day long. He offers to make me turkey sandwiches for dinner though, haha. My finances were in better shape when I lived alone, so I told him he needs to find something. I’m understanding, but in a few months I’ll just be annoyed and want him to do something proactive.

Post # 10
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

So sorry to hear. It’s happening soo much right now. I can definatly simpathize for you two. I think it’s probably so fresh right now that you should maybe step back and let him absorb everything for a little bit. It definatly is hard not to automatically go into panic mode but you have to stay positive. He will soon realize that he will probably HAVE to take a paycut to get a job. What some are saying above is true that a VERY LARGE paycut could hurt & you would have recieved more in unemployment. However; I think it’s up to you two to make apersonal choice to either live off unemployment until it expires or to make a decision to do what you have to do in order to work for your living. For a lot of people right now it does take a pay cut just to have a job; but others are okay with waiting until something offereing more pay comes along. I think you should both try to come to an agreement on what you will try; but I think it will take a little while for the sting to go away. Sending prayers your way for a quick job search.

Post # 11
37 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

Feeling for you!! We went through it last year. We’re in albany and the economy hit a little later here. Fiance was laid off in April, and found a new job in July. Unemployment was processed really quickly. I’m in grad school and made NO MONEY after May (except for spreading out my loans) and we did ok. He made about half as much as when he was working, but we were able to pay the bills. We didn’t save more for the wedding during that time, but we didn’t have to dip into our savings either. I freaked out so much at first, Fiance was the one keeping ME calm!!!

All in all, I’m proud that we got through it, and it made me more confident in our relationship!! Of course, we had a happy ending, though not perfect. We were living together, but because we wanted to move wen I finished school, Fiance didn’t look for jobs in Albany. So we have been long distance since then, and it may continue for another year. I think the most important thing is to be super-supportive. There were times I thought of constructive criticism, but I just didn’t think that was what he needed from ME. Also, he was very organized, and jumped right into job searching and doing the unemployment paperwork, so it helped me to know that he was doing as much as he could.

He also tossed around the idea of some part-time work, but it would not have been as reliable as unemployment. And depending on the field, it doesn’t make sense to take a job that pays much less. Actually, that is one of the reasons he got laid off in the first place. He took a job he was somewhat over-qualified for, they paid him somewhat more than they would have paid someone else, and when they  needed to make cuts…there he was. So, it can make long-term sense to be paid what you are worth.


Post # 12
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, i feel for you, my fiance just lost his today!  He is going for the unemployment deal and if he isnt eligible he said he will work a 3 fast food places to make ends meet, which is a very sweet thing for him to say.

The other bees have said what i would have, another job may hurt his unemployment benefits.

Good luck with everything. 

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