- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
So I love my mom, but she really has me on my last nerve. I’ve been engaged for about 4 months now and I’ve been trying to find a venue for my wedding next year. Money is an issue for myself and my family so I’ve tried to find the cheapest place I could find. I found two that looked promising. One is more traditional and the other is just plain me……in the middle of no where, but oh so romantic. So I told my mom about both the venues and we planned on visiting one of them together since we got a free brunch out of the deal. Before I went with my mom I took a look at the other venue with my fiance and oh man did we ever fall in love with this place. It was very flexible and so us. After seeing this place I went with my fiance to see the other. It was beautiful outside, lots of landscaping and what not, but the inside was boring and felt like grandmas house. Not what we had imagined for our wedding. So seeing both places, my fiance and I had both made up our minds on what venue we wanted. However, my mother still had not seen both just yet. The next day I went with my mom to the brunch at the boing venue and she freaking fell in love with this place. She thought it would be perfect for us. So I had explanied to her how my fiance and I had looked at this place and the other one the day before. I told her my feelings on both places and she flipped out on me during the brunch.
I told her the reasons I didn’t like this place…mostly because it didn’t feel like me. Now she is paying for most of this wedding so we ended up having an arguement on who has the final say in what venue, flowers, cake…etc. I told her very calmly that even if she is paying for some of the wedding I should have the final say because it is my wedding and I will have to live with the pictures and what not forever. She then, in a very nasty tone told me that if she is paying for the wedding then she gets to have the final say and that it is "HER" wedding not mine.
I could not believe what I was hearing. How is it her wedding? Why shouldn’t I get a say in anything. It doesn’t seem fair to me. Oh and I forgot to mention that she has not even seen the place my fiance and I love. I showed her pictures of it, (they really don’t do it any justice) and she just mumbled "oh, it looks like stone henge….nothing special." Meh! I’m totally frustrated. I’ve heard nothing but "you can’t." I can’t have it outside, I can’t have a short dress, I can’t have a tent, I can’t have a chuppah…..even though my fiance is jewish.
She has been controlling all of my life. I was never allowed to get my hair cut, was forced to keep it super long until I was 18. Not allowed to drive on the highway…too dangerous for a 19 year old. And when I moved out of the house into my first apartment….it was not good enough, bad neighborhood (it really wasn’t), so I need to move. She forced me to look at other apartments right after I had just moved into one. I eventually lost $1200 because of that.
So at this point I’m not sure if I should just tell her to keep her money and go with the place that my fiance and I want and have "OUR" wedding. Or if we should let her plan "HER" wedding and just be guests like everyone else.
My biggest fear is that her controlling our wedding will lead her to control our marriage and kids in the future. I’m a grown woman, who still has to call her mother whenever I leave the state. She has a total freaking meltdown when I don’t call in a week. I swear she would have me on some missing persons list. I am an only child, and my parents did elope so I’m not sure if any of that is the reasoning behind her behavior. I’m sure it is, but really why make this whole process any more stressful, her and I should be working together not constantly fighting everytime the word wedding is brought up.
Has anyone else had a parent try to take complete control over their wedding??