(Closed) What to do when you're last…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@BellaVida_13_: 

Ok here’s the truth: You’re being a little irrational.  Her wedding has nothing to do with your relationship. You and your SO made the decision not to be engaged right now, and the fact that you aren’t is because of choices that you are making. While waiting might be the best decision for you, you can’t expect others to put their life plans on hold too. 

That said, I completely understand why you feel the way you do.  If it were me I probably would too.  The best thing you can do right now is to stop comparing yourself & your situation to your sister.  And when friends or family try to play up any competition between you two, then shut them down immediately! Also, you need to have a talk with your sister about that snotty little comment she made. “that she was so happy to be engaged because then you’re truly a bride to be and it’s not “cheating” to look and browse”.Because that comment was extremely insensitive given your situation. I honestly believe that it was probably meant to be a bit of a dig.

And keep in mind that engagement is just an agreement to marry in the future.  So when you and your SO are ready to make that agreement, then you are engaged.  You don’t need a ring, an official date, or any grand gestures. You just need that agreement. 

Post # 4
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Wow, to be frank, your little sister sounds like a brat. While I don’t think she should be tip-toeing around the fact that you arent engaged yet, it sounds like she is disregarding yoru feelings entirely! Perhaps she doesn’t realize what she doing (since she is all wrapped in the ‘lets plan a wedding’ tornado). The only thing I can suggest is to talk with her and truly explain to her that you are so happy for her but you are really hurt with a few of her actions.

I can’t believe she bought the same dress (and ring?) as you had/were wanting! That is really just…blarg. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Wait, she bought the exact same dress as you?!?! (that presumebly she knew you already owned). Wow- that is a MAJOR dig. and F-ed up! I would be super upset about that part. 

and sorry you aren’t a part of her wedding, I know I would be hurt if my sister did that to me. ((Hugs))

Post # 7
Member
478 posts
Helper bee

Am I understanding correctly that she bought the exact same dress you did and got the exact ring you had picked out for yourself?

Post # 11
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m getting all worked up over here just reading your updates. Would talking to your parents help?

I know paying for the wedding ourselves is important, but I also know what my parents gave to my sister and 100% expected the same contribution. Then if your parents are saying they will give the same $, while the dress $ is a loss, at least you would know a new future dress could happen.

Post # 12
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like there is way more going on here than competition.  It appears that your sister is very immature and/or has some deep-seated issues she needs to work through.  Why else would she choose the exact same dress and ring and plan the wedding for your birthday?  Also why is your mother, who is normally the voice of reason in matters such as these, allowing her to do this?   

This sounds like an issue that needs to be taken to a professional.  Someone needs counseling whether it’s your sister (who’s own relationship is doomed unless she starts living her own life) or even you to help you deal with the situation and get through it. 

All-in-all it’s sad and I’m sorry you all are going throught this. 

Post # 13
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

wait, did I read this right?  She is getting married on your birthday, in the same dress you bought, with the same ring you wanted?  Or did I misread?

Post # 14
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

She stole your thunder. My sister does this to me all the time. Focus on grad school, and you’ll get your moment in the sun soon enough. She shouldn’t of bought the same dress though that is just fucked up.

Post # 16
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@BellaVida_13_:  You are more stable than your sister financially. You are doing better in life right now. I think she is jealous.

When your time comes, wear your dress and rings. If people comment, just say ‘Yes its the same dress. I had brought mine first. Imitation is the highest form of flattery”

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