(Closed) What to do while I wait

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
3273 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I feel you, he really got your hopes up that it was coming soon! What I did while waiting was focus on me. Not in a selfish way, just in an “I’m awesome and I will express that” kind of way. I volunteered in Central America, went back to school, lost 25 pounds, and just generally invested in me. When it happened, I was pleasantly surprised, and it was a wonderful moment.

Post # 3
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Wow, that’s a long time from broaching the subject (2013) and here it is 2015 and you’re still waiting.  

1.  That was unfair to you IMO — but, he may have done that prematurely… and it’s evident since it’s 2015 and you’re still waiting. 

I understand you’re hurt, confused, angry even — and I also understand that if you constantly talk about it, those around you will probably become annoyed because it’s the only thing you want to talk about. 

So — how do you stop thinking about it!

Go cold turkey — think about how you would feel if one of your friends/co-workers etc was you — wouldn’t you want to avoid ‘her’ if all she ever talked about was ‘waiting’? 

You have to get this under control — otherwise you’ll continue to drive yourself mad!  And – it also be aware that if you’re this consumed over it — could, “could” it be a possibility that that is what’s preventing him from proposing?  (just a thought). 

So – you must control this obsession — for your own sanity.  

Post # 6
Member
31 posts
Newbee

I honestly think you need to ask yourself why are you in such a rush to get engaged?  Do you mind me asking how old you guys are?  I am currently waiting, having been with my partner for 4.5 years.  At first I was impatient but have now decided to enjoy our relationship, and look forward to all the fun things we have yet to come.  I have been working on my career a lot, spending time with friends, going to the gym and just enjoying life.  I am now feeling excited and happy at the prospect of an engagement rather than anxious and impatient!  I think the fact of the matter is that men simply don’t feel the same sense of urgency to get married that women feel in most cases and you have two choices… You can sit down with him and say you want to be engaged and get married soon (effectively proposing to him yourself imo) or if you want a romantic proposal which comes from him and is an expression of his love and how much he wants to marry you then you can just pack it in talking about it, distract yourself from thinking about it and try to enjoy waiting.  He obviously wants to marry you and it will happen when he feels the time is right!  I think constant talking about it and “nagging” (for want of a better word) will take the shine off of it when a proposal does come if you aren’t careful.

Post # 8
Member
31 posts
Newbee

Although you’ve been together a long time you are both still young and have all the time in the world!  I honestly transitioned pretty quickly into my current way of thinking… But I’m that type of person that if I make a decision to change the way I think about something I will flip the switch and it’s done.  So like, the first week when I really kind of felt that a proposal is imminent I was impatient and lind of grouchy… Then I decided I hated that if anything waiting for a proposal was taking away from our relationship as opposed to making it better and I made a snap decision to stop the way I was feeling.  I have done this before in the very early stages of our relationship where I made a conscious decision not to give in to feelings of jealousy (I used to be quite a jealous person I think) and to trust completely, which wasn’t easy for me.  But I think people are capable of changing the way they feel and act through sheer will power!  So I wousld say give yourself a talking to, concentrate on aims and goals you want to achieve, and keep in your heart that precious secret that one day soon you will be engaged!  I am aiming to get a promotion and lose weight prior to engagement / marriage and that has become my primary goals as that’s what I have control over.  It worked for me so I hope it can be helpful to you as well, I’m certainly happier now.

Post # 9
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

The only advice I can give is to get off wedding bee and avoid wedding/engagement related things like Pinterest. I was going stir crazy near the holidays because I kept getting asked if we were getting engaged/had gotten engaged and it was driving me nuts. I had a chat with my BF to make sure we were on the same page in terms of timeline and once I was assured we were, I calmed down quite a lot. I think you need to talk to him again, with a level head, and get a concrete timeline. 

I threw myself into doing yoga and work got really busy, so it was easier for me to forget about it for a while and try to move on. Try not to fixate at this point. Talk to your BF honestly and openly and tell him how you’re feeling. Good luck OP!

Post # 10
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

First of all, don’t be so hard on your self. I think it’s normal for it to be important and normal for the waiting to be difficult. Most relationship decisions are made much more mutually. The engagement process strikes me as rather lopsided. I mean, I’m not saying the proposing part isn’t nerve wracking in its own way, but being so dependent on another person’s choice of timing where they are supposed to “surprise” you? Yeah, not easy. Your feelings are valid. 

I don’t really have a good answer other than to ask yourself whether you know deep down that you can trust him to do right by you? And whether you think there might be issues holding him back from proposing that might need to be resolved (eg too much fighting)? I hope things get better/easier soon.

Post # 11
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

If you find things to make yourself happy and busy, you will be so much better off- and your inner confidence and independence will make you feel more balanced.

Having said that- I truly don’t get why one person’s engagement has to postpone someone else’s. Not just your bf, lots of people seem to feel this way- ‘stealing someone’s thunder’. If I got engaged I wouldn’t expect to own the timeframe- I’d be happy for someone else who got engaged a day or an hour afterward, it doesn’t diminish our news in any way, just more happy news to go around.

Post # 12
Member
22 posts
Newbee

Here’s what I think helps (do’s and don’ts):

Do:

– Go out on the town/to the arcade/to the gym/to the bowling alley with friends, leave him at home. You had a social life before him and you have one now. Enjoy it and roll in at 3am 😉

– Pamper yourself. Try those nose strips that clear blackheads (my new favourite thing), try peel-off face masks and sleep with coconut oil in your hair. Maybe visit the nail bar too and get some funky gel colour.

– Plan activities away from home that don’t involve him, festivals are a great way to spend a week (well 5 solid days) away from home from £210 and you get to see loads of bands. Good luck even trying to think of engagement when you’re on someone’s shoulders in front of Muse. 

– Train. Think of something athletic that you’ve struggled with, and conquer it slowly but surely. My struggle is with running and I’m slowly building up to 2/3 miles.

At the gym, no one cares about relationship status and probably don’t wear expensive engagement rings there anyway. 

– Keep your lips closed about getting engaged. When I managed it for 2 months, my SO actually turned around much to my surprise and asked if I was still interested in the whole thing!

Don’t:

– Watch wedding programmes, it’ll only wind you up that there’s no progress in that direction. And the frustration is real. 

– Talk to EVERYONE about it. You want some people to be surprised when you tell them you’re engaged right? Everyone will be ‘oh, right’ when you tell them as they already knew (kinda, depending how much you told them while waiting).

– Look at wedding dresses. Again, frustrating yourself to this next point…

– Batter your boyfriend for NOT PROPOSING ALREADY FFS. Tempting isn’t it? Haha 😉 Jk

Post # 14
Member
41 posts
Newbee

View original reply
xstitchbride425:  +1

this is excellent advice. 

focus on something you love; investigate whether there are any business opportunities in a sector that you’re passionate about; or volunteer. 

The net result is that your value appreciates. That benefits you regardless of your engagement status. 

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