Post # 1
I recently met with all of my bridesmaids for the first time, going to a bridal expo. I was quite excited and was looking forward to a relaxing day looking for vendors, shoes and dresses. Right away, I noticed two of my bridesmaids were just being outright unpleasent and bossy towards me. I was yelled at and spoken to in a very rude manner. i had a bridesmaid freak out at me when I wanted to go look for shoes and dresses, following the expo because it was “too far”–20 minutes. I didn’t want trouble, so I agreed to go to a place only 10 minutes away. Once there, that same bridesmaid fought me on the shoe color I selected over, and over, and over again. And she fought hard. Not once did I raise my voice at anyone, but man, oh man, I sure wanted to cry. I just stuck to my maid of honor the whole time. She was the only supportive one throughout the whole fiasco. I was really dissapointed in my bridesmaids. My maid of honor is my BFF and would def let me have it if I was a bridezilla, but she said, I didn’t do anything wrong and cant wrap her head around their behavior either.
my question now, is how do I address this and deal with this civilly. I don’t like confrontation, so I basically turned the other cheek. I know this needs to be addressed, but how?
Post # 2
FuschiaRose: Talk to the bossy BMs. Tell them that their behavior was very rude and if it continues, you’re going to have to ask them to step down as BMs. You don’t need that kind of behavior while you’re trying to plan your wedding. If they aren’t going to be supportive (or at least constructively critical), then they can GTFO.
Post # 3
I am a blunt person so I believe in telling people how I feel. Also, I wouldn’t involve them as much in the futUre. I went to a few bridal shows and I wouldn’t have ever even thought to drag/bring my friends/bridesmaids. I went with my mom or husband (FI at the time). As a bridesmaid I wouldn’t be thrilled about going to one. Maybe that’s why they had the attitude? Are they normally like that?
Post # 4
I think a lot of people (because of movies and TV) an over inflated idea of what bridesmaids get an opinion on and how much help they are when you are planning. In real life, it can either be a great experience with your besties to have them help you can plan, or more commonly, it can be a TOTAL HEADACHE. It gets to be a “too many cooks in the kitchen” with extra opinions you don’t need to hear.
I would go to a “show up with the dress” mentality with your BMs who are being a pain. Since your Maid/Matron of Honor is beint supportive, take her to things if you want.
Post # 5
You aren’t being unreasonable. So. Tell them that you chose them because you thought they would be supportive of you through this time. If they can’t be there for you now in a positive manner, then they don’t need to be there stressing you out on your wedding day.
Post # 6
FuschiaRose: Whilst I don’t condone rude behaviour can I ask how them going to the bridal expo with you came about? Was it a mandatory Bridesmaid or Best Man event or just an invitation to come along with you? They may have also been upset that you wanted to go and do soemthing else for your wedding after they had already given you the time for the expo. Just some thing to consider.
Post # 7
What color were the shoes?
Post # 8
I’m sorry your BMs were rude to you! But maybe jaye is right in that she was annoyed about the surprise shoe shopping trip. Also, are you requiring specific shoes and are you paying for said shoes? If she has to pay for them, then I can understand her standing her ground on something she did not want. Now that’s no excuse for any rude behavior, but it might help to see where she’s coming from so you can address the issue appropriately.
Post # 9
I learned very quickly that when it comes to wedding planning, you TELL people, don’t ASK! It’s your wedding. If you’re unable to confront them, I would just plan what you would like them to wear or do and then nicely tell them that that is what you have chosen.
Post # 10
Thanks for everyone’s input! To answer some of your questions….
I informed them all ahead of time via group email that we would be shoe and dress shopping–maybe a week or two. Maybe she either forgot, or did not read thouroughly enough?
I requested my bridesmaid purchase silver shoes, in any style or silver hue they wanted, from wherever they want. If they already had silver shoes in the closet, I said I was fine with that. I had a bridesmaid that was set on beige shoes. I really don’t think I’m being ridiculous to ask for silver shoes right? My colors are fuschia, silver, and black, so I had already said we’d pair fuschia dresses with silver shoes from the begining. 🙂
The expo wasn’t mandatory, I simply said I was going and they were welcome to join. They all seemed enthused to do so. In the past, when our other gfs got married, it was kind of a girls’ thing for all of us bridesmaids to go to at least one expo together with our bride just for some good old fun!
This group of girls are my very best friends and normally don’t behave this way…that’s why I feel so dissapointed and brokenhearted over this! Do you think I should perhaps just let this one go and see how they behave next time around and address it if it happens again? I’m not looking to sour any friendships over one incident, but at the same time, I think it was cruel to be treated so unkindly. I’m usually better about communicating my feelings, but I was just so stunned at the behavior that I just could not get anything comprehensible out!
Post # 11
Weddings can bring out weird emotions in people. I’d say if they’re not behaving like their normal selves just tell them “show up in the dress” like another commenter said, and hope they become your good friends again afterwards.
Post # 12
I think that’s what I’ll have to do. It won’t be too fun looking for that dress though lol
Post # 13
You can always get back at them by picking ugly bridesmaids dresses 🙂 🙂 jk!