(Closed) What to do with engagement ring after breakup…

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Take the centre stone out and return the setting. He can do whatever he wants with it. 

Post # 4
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would look into whether he has any legal claim to the setting in your state.  From there, I might try to sell the setting.  Tacori’s a fairly well known/in demand brand, so you may have some luck selling it directly second hand.

So sorry to hear about your relationship ending, I hope you’re doing well.

Post # 5
2616 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i would get my heirloom stone out, make sure he doesnt have legal claims to the setting, if he does- give it back minus ur grandmas stone- if he doesnt, either sell it,pawn it, or have the jeweler remake something gorgeous for your right hand

Post # 6
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Maybe you should get the stone out and sell the setting alone online. Diamondbistro.com and the Pricescope Pre-loved thread are two good places to check out if you want to go that route.

Post # 7
2903 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

There is a classifieds board on here… you can try that…Do you have a pic of the ring itself??

Post # 8
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Who ended the relationship? I am not asking you to divulge personal info but since the stone is a family stone…obviously you keep that. If he broke it off, you keep the setting. If you broke it off, give back the setting. I would keep the setting regardless (becasue I am a bitch – lol) and try to sell it on one of the above mentioned sites, or ebay. OR, keep the whole ring in tact as a right hand ring (but that might be too painful).


Post # 9
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@ponyrider:  that depends on the state i believe…in NY it doesn’t matter who broke it off, it goes back to the person who proposed.

Post # 10
9114 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

You keep the stone. He gets the setting.


“Although etiquette rules that an engagement ring should be returned when a wedding is called off regardless of who broke the engagement, the legal system has differing opinions on this issue.

Some of the circumstances that determine if an engagement ring has to be returned include where you live, how you received the engagement ring, and who broke the engagement.


Conditional Gift States

Many courts look at an engagement ring as a conditional gift that is given in contemplation of marriage. If there is no marriage, then the engagement ring needs to be returned.


New Jersey
New Mexico
New York

The courts also have held in these states that the reasoning for no-fault divorces holds for no-fault broken engagements so an engagement ring should always be returned regardless of who decided to call off the engagement.


Implied Conditional States

In these locales, if the guy breaks the engagement, he won’t get the ring back. If he doesn’t break the engagement, he can request its return.




Unconditional Gift States

Other courts have held the belief that an engagement ring is an unconditional gift and so it doesn’t need to be given back.




Family Heirloom Engagement Rings

If you are considering giving a family heirloom engagement ring, legal experts recommend having a prenuptial agreement that lists who will keep the engagement ring in the event of a break up. “



Post # 11
259 posts
Helper bee


normally after a break up, you return the ring, in this case I would return just the setting. 

The reason you should give back the setting is because when you accepted the ring/setting you accepted his proposal of marriage, now that the marriage is obviously off, you should return the the setting.  

The only way I think it is acceptable to keep the setting is if he called off the wedding

Post # 12
764 posts
Busy bee

I’m perplexed by all the people saying return the setting. Over a year later? You don’t owe him shit at this point, put it on  Ebay and move on!

Post # 13
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@blingbling:  sorry but the ring is a monetary gift representing the individualsagreeing to marry. No marriage, the contract is broken and the ring is to be returned. 

Post # 14
1966 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Doesn’t seem like he actually wants the ring back. If thats the case, I’d go to the jeweler sell it and put it towards making a necklace for your grandmothers stone. If he wants it back then just get the stone out and give the setting back. 

Post # 15
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As others have said, there can be legal implications.

If you live in one of those states, and he has agreed that you can keep the ring and do with as you choose… then I’d make arrangements to “get that in writing” BEFORE you make plans to dispose of the ring by whatever means

Otherwise, as the others have said, usually, the family stone would return to the family… and the setting to the Groom2B if you broke the Engagement… if he broke the Engagement, then ya I’d keep the ring too.

In that case, you do have options on what you can do going forward.

As it is a Designer Setting, I’d certainly look at reselling it… LUCKY YOU… because it’ll be worth something… a lot more than the loss that one typically takes on a “used diamond ring” otherwise

There are websites out there where you can unload ERings… such as… I Do Now I Don’t among many others

You may find that a Jewellery Store that stocks Tacori, may also be interested (many Jewellery Stores… particularly those that are family run sell “gently used” items / Estate Jewellery)… or they may give you a good deal on a trade-in against something else… which could be better than selling off the ring, piece by piece… and having the diamonds reset into something else

Although that is always a possibility… as an Encore Bride, I know many a Divorcee who has gone this route (mind you they mostly had non-Designer Rings)… in which case you find a Family Run Jewellery Store that has been in business a long time (good rep) and has a Goldsmith on site who can do something custom for you.

Hope this helps,

(( HUGS )) because I know break ups are never easy… and harder the more time one has in / the more serious the relationship (Marriage vs Engagement vs Dating)

It does sound tho like you are moving on, and doing ok.  Take care of you.


Post # 16
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@blingbling:  That made me lol!

Sorry, OP, this situation sucks! It’s hard to give advice without knowing your unique story. All I can tell you is what I would do personally.

If I broke off the engagement (edit to add: for my own reasons, not because he cheated or screwed me over), I would take the ring to a jeweler, have them take the stone out of the setting, and return the setting to the ex without thinking twice.

In most other situations, I would just ask the ex if he wants the setting back or not.

In the worst case scenario, if I was totally screwed over by the guy, I would hand it back to him in a huge cookie jar filled with the most disgusting crap I could even imagine so he would have to dig for it. 😉


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