Post # 1
So I wrote a whiney post about this earlier today, but after re-reading it I realized I wasn’t making much sense, but I was just venting… So now that I’ve calmed down I know what I was trying to say/ask. Our RSVP date was the 10th. We have five people we have invited who can’t tell us if they are coming or not. It doesn’t sound as though they will know until a few days before the wedding (money, car and clothing excuses.) I need to give my caterer a final count on the 20th. At $60 a head that’s a $300 difference. What do I do???
Post # 3
Are you able to give the number of your definite yeses and add more later? Our caterer at least is prepared to serve up to 10% more on the day of. Also, have you told your indecisive people your deadline and that they may not have food if they don’t decide by the 20th?
Post # 4
Tell them that the caterer has a deadline of ___ and you must have the official count by then. If they don’t let you know, then tell them they may not have a seat/dinner.
Post # 5
disinvite them. tell them you would have loved for them to come but you had a deadline that you extended for them, and while you understand that they had personal issues you could not accomodate them. be firm
Post # 6
At this point, I would say that you need their response by the 18 (don’t say the 20, otherwise they’ll call you at 7 p.m. that night). Just explain that you have to know if there’s going to be food and a seat for them. Some people just don’t understand how weddings work, and although I understand the urge to disinvite ("due to lack of enthusiasm," I said,) I’d resist it unless you absolutely have to.
Post # 7
I agree with amysue about telling them they need to decide on a date before the 20th (i read your other post & don’t think they understand/respect timelines). I’d call them up today and explain that you understand their situtation (which could be a little white lie – I’m with you, it’s only $40!), but they Will Not be eating at the reception if they don’t tell you by Friday. Blame it all on the caterer. Tell them you’ve tried to work it out, but this is the final deadline & there’s nothing you can do.
If they don’t reply by Friday, I’d send an email saying you’re really sorry they can’t make it, but hope to visit with them after the wedding. I’m low tolerence, so if they tried to reply after the deadline, I’d wouldn’t tell them they can eat. The worst that will happen is they come & can’t eat (which is what you told them in the first place). The best thing would be if they came & the COULD eat, in which case you look great for getting it all worked out.
It’s true that not everyone understands wedding etiquette, because not everyone has planned one. But most people should understand common courtesy. If you’ve specifically tracked them down and asked for an answer, they should be able to give you one! Waffeling around on a decision is a pet peeve of mine! Hope this all gets settled quickly – good luck!
Post # 8
I second amysue. Great advice. Hope they’ll get back to you!
Post # 9
if it’s just a couple of ppl than don’t worry about it, i had few ppl who i didn’t even know come, and then a few ppl who said yes that didn’t come…so it worked out numbers wise, but in whatever case, the caters always always makes more food than less.
Post # 10
That’s tough, but I’ll have to agree with those who are saying give them an absolute cut-off date, and then just assume they’re not coming if you don’t hear from them. And if they still can’t decide, just say as much as you’d love to reserve them a seat, it just doesn’t work like that. Blame it on your vendors if need be.
If I were in your shoes, even if it was a close family member, we’d need to know, and if we didn’t hear back, we’d just have to put them on our "no" list and not be able to accomodate them. All things considered, yeah, the caterer could probably accomodate them at the last minute, but it’s not just food that you need to think about. It’s seating charts, having enough room at the tables, ordering enough chairs (we had to rent chairs), having enough tables/centerpieces (you might have to add another table for five extra guests), favors, menu cards, programs, etc. All that stuff adds up, and it can make things very stressful when you don’t have an exact count, or don’t know exactly what your final bill will be come time to pay.
Post # 11
I agree with mowi; if they can’t get you a response in time, you decide FOR them that they aren’t coming. Just tell them you had to tell the caterer, and there’s nothing you can do about it. You’ll see them after the honeymoon and you’re sorry they can’t be there at your wedding.
Honestly, and its is no offense to you, but if they REALLY wanted to be there, they would be able to make it happen. So if it’s not that imporant to them, that they can made a definite decision, it’s not important enough for you to keep worrying about it.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2009 - Bernardo Winery
This is a tricky situation, I’m sorry :-/
I agree w/ amysue – you should tell them there is a deadline and that you understand their situation, but this is yours.
Let us know how is works out.
Post # 13
I had a few people like this who didn’t respond at all, or were wishy washy on if they were coming. I just let them know politely that if they didn’t respond by X date that I would have to assume they were a no.
Post # 14
Thanks so much ladies. I sent our caterer an email asking if we can add people after the 20th. I have a vague memory of her telling us we could… so, we’ll see. If not, then we’ll just have to tell these folks that the numbers have to be in by then and if they can’t figure it out, we can celebrate with them some other time.