What to do with love letters from exs?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Keep or toss love letters?
    Keep : (20 votes)
    20 %
    Toss : (81 votes)
    80 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    6005 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I not only kept photos, cards, mementos etc, but I urged my Darling Husband to keep his as well….. he was on the fence whether to toss or keep when we were combining households and he was going through all of his stuff. I don’t see it so much as ‘stuff from exes’ as I do ‘part of our history that brought us to this point’.  Maybe when he’s 70 or 80 he’ll enjoy taking a trip down memory lane. 

    I also pointed out to my Darling Husband that if he keeps them, he can always change his mind in the future and toss them, but if he tosses them now and later regrets it, it can’t be undone. My stuff is in a keepsake box in the storage area of our basement, it’s not hurting anyone. I’d draw the line at keeping nude or racy photos or letters that describes a past relationship sex life etc. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee

    KEEP

    It’s not about the exes, it’s about looking back and remembering different times in your life, where you were mentally and what was important to you during those times.

    I have a box I keep, it has ex stuff in it, but it also has other stuff that was sentimental to me during those times. They’re my memories. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1885 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I would toss, because I’ve never understood keeping relationships or open communication with exes (unless neccessary due to mutual children). But then again I have no exes, so it’s not like I know how it feels.

    One major point is, what if your current SO, or future SO (if you’re not in a relationship right now), found it? How would they feel? Even if you have no feelings for these exes, an SO finding those letters would probably get a different idea. I don’t understand hurting someone you’re with and love because of “fondness for old times.”

    Post # 34
    Member
    275 posts
    Helper bee

    I kept old pictures, but none of the love letters. I kept those for a little bit (maybe a couple years at most? during college), found one, read it again…..and cringed so hard. Pictures of the past (not dirty ones of course) I have no problems with. They captured you at that point. Letters captured how someone else felt about you at that point, and that’s too oddly intimate for me to consider keeping to ‘remember old times’. I would feel very strange having old love letters hanging about. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    627 posts
    Busy bee

    Nothing weird about keeping them, so long as you tuck them away somewhere. I have a few cards from exes that I hang onto for the same reason. I wouldn’t care if my husband did the same.

    Post # 36
    Member
    217 posts
    Helper bee

    I kept them for awhile. They were a reminder of someone who once made me very happy, even though the relationship ended badly when we stopped being good for each other. One day I looked at the box and didn’t have that nostalgic feeling that they were something positive; they had become just another piece of my past, like old school papers. At that point I recycled them and I haven’t regretted doing that. I’m not a big “memento” person, so your mileage may vary. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I made a huge fire with all of the items my exs got me… No need to be reminded of the past that OBVIOUSLY didn’t work out no matter how sweet they were…

    Post # 38
    Member
    497 posts
    Helper bee

    Make S’mores or have a hotdog roast. Use the letters to start the fire.

    Post # 39
    Member
    746 posts
    Busy bee

    milkandcookies :  TOSS

    I think pictures and not obviously romantic mementos are okay, but handwritten love letters are obviously romantic and not okay.

    Post # 40
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee

    If there is a meaning that has lead you to where you are at now then you should keep them, something’s I nice to look back at the growth that you have made as an individual and as someone in a relationship. It also helps you remember of what not to do twice. I would put them in a shoe box with a ribbion around them and put them away. As long as they are not hurtful. Then save them and your self the wondering question. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    4272 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I have a shoebox of photos, small gifts, etc, mostly from my long term ex boyfriend.  I was with him for a long time, and we went on multiple vacations together.  He was a big part of my early 20’s and that relationship had a big role I am who I am today.  I call my box my “ex box”, and though I don’t look at it every single day I have fond memories looking back on our vacations and some fun things that we did together.  I have zero feelings for him, and have not talked to him in over 4 years, but he was a part of my life.

    Post # 42
    Member
    99 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    Throw them out…?

    Post # 43
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: December 2017

    Aw, I have kept mine. They’re in a plastic container in our basement along with my all grade school and high school projects and old toys. 

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