(Closed) What to do with the ring?

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

my advice is give it back to him.

Post # 4
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Sorry to hear about that but sounds like you’re happy so that’s great! I don’t think it’s weird at all for you to keep the ring somewhere safe and sound until you can potentially wear it again for whatever reason 🙂

Post # 5
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2014

The right thing to do is to give it back to him. In my opinion, it’s not yours to decide what happens to it.

Good luck!  

 

Post # 6
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

@MissEMich:  If he isn’t insistent you give it back, and thinks you should keep it, I would do just that! Save it! Put it away somewhere safe! Keep it as long as you want, as long as he isn’t trying to take it back.

Post # 7
Member
2553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MissEMich:

My FH told me that if for any reason we break up, that I am to keep the ring. That it was his gift to me. I love it so much and my time with him is such a huge and meaningful part of my life that I dont think I could ever part with it. Even if he cheated on me. He helped me become the person I am today and I wouldnt be who I am without him. The ring means way more than just a commitment to me. Could you be feeling that way too?

Post # 8
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

First off, I’m sorry things didn’t work out.

I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear but I agree with some PP’s.

Since you called off the engagement I think you should give it back…or atleast give him the opportunity to take it back. If he doesn’t want it then store it somewhere safe and decide later =)

Post # 9
Member
1122 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Awe honey, Im sorry you’re going through this. Honestly, if he doesn’t want the ring back, keep it. If you arent ready to let it go then keep it in your drawer in its box until you are. Everyone heals from things differently, some people may want to pawn the ring right away or give it back, but if thats not how you feel then thats okay. You have to just do what feels right to you and what you know will make you feel better. If he wants you to keep the ring maybe have the stones reset? Or wait a while and if you are still friendly with him or dont hate his guts maybe use it as a right hand ring and try to remember the good things about the engagement when you look at it, not dwell on the bad. I hope that whatever you decide you are comfortable with it and just remember that everyone deals with things differently and you have to do what it right for you.

Post # 10
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@MissEMich: So sorry to hear. Etiquette say since you called off the wedding, he should get the ring back.

Arggh,  just looked at an old post of yours, you went through hell with that guy with all his issues. You deserve to keep the ring.

Post # 11
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

hmm, speaking from experience . . . (long response, sorry, and I didn’t read what others say)

 

Keep the ring if he’s ok with it. It may become important to you one day in more ways than sitting in a box. Check with your local laws tho, because different states have different rules about the ownership of an engagement ring and you may just want to be aware of what you can back up legally.

 

Also, it’s totally normal to keep looking at it. I looked at mine after calling it off every night before I handed it back to my ex two weeks later (the first time I saw him again). It was part of my ‘saying goodbye’ process. I was heartbroken for the future I had wanted, even if I realized it had never existed, as I’m sure you can understand.

 

Long story short, I wasn’t quite in your situation. My ex-fiance bought me a ring I thought was far too amazing and beautiful when I was 21 and not so smart about money. It was made by our friend’s father and it has the most amazing memories. When I called it off, I gave it back to him as I’d said I would when joking around about how expensive it was. 

 

Weirdness ensued because he quickly learned he couldn’t get his money out of it. He wore it around his neck for a while. He kept it in a closet. Years went by.

 

Meanwhile, the man who made the ring died of pancreatic cancer and my parents were going through cancer and although my friendship with the jewelers’ son died off after I left his best friend, I supported his causes and did what I could from the appropriate distance.

 

Fast forward. I obsessed about the ring, how it was sitting in a closet, how the man who made it was so nice and how it represented a precious time in my life. I maintained my friendship with my ex-fiance (who is now married) and decided to buy the ring from him when he got engaged to another girl who wanted it out of the house (luckily I’d hinted at it one time when I was drunk and we were both at a party, so he shot me an email when the time came to do something about the ring).

 

I bought it installments. It was between me and him. My ex’s fiance didn’t want to have anything to do with our transactions. My boyfriend at the time (now fiance) didn’t have a say for lots of reasons, most of them because it was a final transaction of sorts.

 

End result? A few years later, I am now engaged with that same ring to my current fiance and we couldn’t be happier. The ring is beautiful, it reminds me of my life and my future, and we got a great deal on it all the way through (and it represents our relationship of making the best out of what life gives us). My fiance had the option to get another ring if he wanted (I gave him the choice and didn’t pressure him to use ‘my’ ring), but he couldn’t replace it (too much money) and he knew how much I loved it and the people associated with it. It took him awhile to decide, but eventually he decided he would propose with my ring when the time came. At that point, I gave it to him, he got it refinished, and he proposed to me with it. Now we both stare at it. When asked about it, we agree that yes “she picked it out” or yes it was “his choice”. The joke among those who know is my current fiance picked it out . . . because he decided to use it. And he was the only one involved in ‘picking it out’ who wasn’t at the freakin’ store lol. (Yes my fiance has met my ex-fiance and there were some boys in between and it’s not as messy as it sounds . . people grow up).

 

So keep it. It’s special. And who knows, it might come in handy one day and brings lots of happiness to lots of people. Don’t worry about it’s worth to you down the road. You have no idea what’s down the road.

 

(the other awesomeness is my wedding band is one of my mothers – she gave it to me as a wedding gift. So my fiance hasn’t bought me one ring yet, but they are all so special in so many ways and let me know my fiance wants me for who I am – past, present, and future :). And that gave us time to shop for him, which was good because he turned out to be picky).

Post # 12
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

Depends on the reason of the break-up; was he cheating, sell the ring and do something nice witth your friends.

For other reasons like you felt he wasn’t the one, you weren’t ready etc etc he deserves to get the ring back.

 

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