(Closed) What to do with uncooperative BM? Need another perspective!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
5480 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

As a fellow August bride, I feel ya on the stress!  I think first of all, the expectations should have been made more clear to your ladies.  How are they supposed to fulfill an obligation if they aren’t completely certain what they’ve obliged?  Oh well, wedding is coming up, they have their attire, no worries 🙂

As for hair and make-up, my opinion is that if you require them to have it done professionally, you pay for it.  If you make no such requirements or requests, and they choose to have their own hair or make-up done professionally, then they pay for it.

To ease your stress, maybe have a chat with them and see if they are interested in hair and make-up… they may decide they want to have it done on their own, without you requiring it.  If it’s out of their budget, and you don’t want to pay for it, I’d let it go.

*also- regarding how they spend their money, well it’s their money so it’s their business how they spend it.  It sometimes seems like people are making financial decisions that make no sense whatsoever, but it isn’t our job to judge what other adults do with their own money, so I’d let that one go too.

Post # 4
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

It’s not up to you to pay for this.  If you require that they do it, then yes you will have to pay for it.  If you suggest it, but they they say, “sorry we can’t afford that,” then leave it be.  They can figure out what to do then. 

And I would highly, highly recommend that you do not have your make-up done at Ulta.  I worked there for awhile, and they are NOT trained (or trained very well).  I’d recommend a department store make-up counter. 

Post # 5
Member
3887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t particularly agree with requiring a certain hairdo, shoe or makeup job and expecting the bridesmaids to pay for it from their own pockets. It just seems a bit bossy and overbearing to me.  I think, apart from the dress,  you can only require someone to wear certain accessories or treatments if you are paying. 

I will admit I am not entirely clear on what proper etiquette is here, and I know customs are different all over the country and all over the world. I’m speaking as a friend or a polite person. I do not feel right MAKING somone look or accessorize a certain way if I am not footing the bill.

Post # 6
Member
1274 posts
Bumble bee

That’s nice that you and FI have paid for everything so far. I think when it comes to hair and makeup, since it’s not a “necessity” whereas a dress or shoes are kind of, you may just have to make the suggestion and let them know you are getting your hair and MU done there. Let them know the cost but if they don’t get a professional to do it and just do it themselves, it’s no biggie. I mean not everyone will have the exact same hairstyle, will they?

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