Post # 1
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
Hey bees.
Lately I’ve been worrying about random +1s attending our wedding. My fiance’s family comes from a background where weddings are pretty big and entire familes are invited (i.e- all kids in the family), as well as singles who get to invite guests.
We have decided we will be selective over the children who will be invited, as well as we will only provide guests with +1s if they have been in a serious relationship at the time the invites get sent out. My worry is that since his family is used to going to wedding where these restrictions aren’t in place, that people may just absent mindedly assume they can bring all of their children!
Just curious as to how often guests will bring their children/dates without them being invited? Did this happen at your wedding? Have you seen it happen at other weddings? What do you do if it does happen??? (I mean you clearly can’t seperate guests once they arrive together, but tables will already be arranged)
Thanks
Post # 3
Member
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
This happened with one family at my wedding. The kids were welcome, but it would have been nice to know numbers! Luckily they were at a table where other people were no-shows.
Are you doing menu choices? That might help.
You could also do reserved tables for VIPs (parents, grandparents, etc) and otherwise have no seating plan.
Post # 4
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
@AB Bride: The sucky part is that I’m actually doing buffet style so I can’t sneakily get the message past that way 😛 I’m hoping to either use the “__ number of seats have been reserved for you” kind of thing, or just putting each person’s name on the invite… but I’m worried some people just won’t get it :S
Post # 5
Member
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
@indecisivebride89: If your wedding isn’t super formal, you could make it very clear-cut.
___ (number of) adults
___ (number of) children
will be attending
Post # 6
Member
5 posts
Newbee
@AB Bride: I like this idea, but I would wonder if people would assume it ment children were welcomed since the RSVP is specifically asking for how many will be in attendance
Post # 7
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
Not sure if you don’t want children at all there, but if that’s the case putting “adult only event” or something of the sort on invitation works. I worried about the same thing, so on my RSVP on the first sentance I put ” 1 seat has been reseved in your honor” or “2 seats have been reserved in your honor” ect. that way it’s clear cut even beyond who it is addressed to. Then when the date comes near you could even personally call or get family members to call to make sure that they know that seating is all arranged and can’t be changed unfortunately, or something like that.
Post # 8
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
I didnt have problems with kids since our buffet contract said children 5yo and below eats for free! 🙂 Although i must say, on our invitations, i put the individual names of the guests we want to invite (instead of so-and-so family) and stated how many seats we reserved for them. It should be pretty obvious that the kids are not invited if you didnt put the kids’ names 🙂
Post # 9
Member
26 posts
Newbee
@indecisivebride89: When you write the rsvps write out how many are aloud
example if his cousin jane doe is invited but not her bf of two weeks then on the invite write her name only and then inside put “____ out of 1 person attending” if someone calls and asks if they can bring more just say the budget doesnt allow.
thats what we are planning on doing because of all of our single friends and family members.
Post # 10
Member
4439 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@indecisivebride89: Ugh I would love to say kick them out because that is SO RUDE!!!!
But in reality, a good caterer/hall/whatever you use shoudl be able to handle this possibility.
Yes, this happened at my wedding, had one woman that was invited with a +1, RSVP’d solo, just one meal choice and then tah-dah! Showed up with someone I had specifically NOT invited. Luckily I had a few other jerks that no showed and things were straightened out without me even having to notice or worry about it.
Post # 11
Hostess
12003 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
i was actually the uninvited +1 at a wedding several years ago. We were in our very early 20’s and it was the first wedding either of us had attended without parents. My Boyfriend or Best Friend wanted me to come, didn’t know a +1 wasn’t automatically assumed (and there was just a line saying # of guests attending). It wasn’t until we were at the reception one of the friends made a nasty comment to me about me not actually being welcome, I felt pretty awful – We’d been dating about a year at the time and we didn’t know better!
Post # 12
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
@indecisivebride89: I would specifically spell out each invited guest”s name on the invite AND “__ number of seats have been reserved for you” on the RSVP card. Don’t have a generic “___ (number of) adults/___ (number of) children” as based on what you have said of your family that sounds like it would open the door for many addon guests that you aren’t intending to invite.
If anyone RSVP’s with addons not specifically invited, you or your Fiance (depending on whose family it is) can call up the guest and say, “Aunt Edna, I’m so excited that you and Uncle Joe are going to attend the wedding, but due to limitations we are just not able to accommodate cousins Lily, David, and Joey. I’m very sorry, but we just are not able to accommodate everyone we would like to. Looking forward to sdancing with you and Uncle Joe.”
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