(Closed) What to do with unexpected guests!?!?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

This happened with one family at my wedding.  The kids were welcome, but it would have been nice to know numbers!  Luckily they were at a table where other people were no-shows.

Are you doing menu choices?  That might help.

You could also do reserved tables for VIPs (parents, grandparents, etc) and otherwise have no seating plan.

Post # 5
7382 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@indecisivebride89:  If your wedding isn’t super formal, you could make it very clear-cut.

___ (number of) adults

___ (number of) children

will be attending


Post # 6
4 posts
  • Wedding: May 2014

@AB Bride:  I like this idea, but I would wonder if people would assume it ment children were welcomed since the RSVP is specifically asking for how many will be in attendance

Post # 7
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Not sure if you don’t want children at all there, but if that’s the case putting “adult only event” or something of the sort on invitation works. I worried about the same thing, so on my RSVP on the first sentance I put ” 1 seat has been reseved in your honor” or “2 seats have been reserved in your honor” ect. that way it’s clear cut even beyond who it is addressed to. Then when the date comes near you could even personally call or get family members to call to make sure that they know that seating is all arranged and can’t be changed unfortunately, or something like that. 

Post # 8
202 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I didnt have problems with kids since our buffet contract said children 5yo and below eats for free! 🙂  Although i must say, on our invitations, i put the individual names of the guests we want to invite (instead of so-and-so family) and stated how many seats we reserved for them. It should be pretty obvious that the kids are not invited if you didnt put the kids’ names 🙂

Post # 9
22 posts

@indecisivebride89:  When you write the rsvps write out how many are aloud


example if his cousin jane doe is invited but not her bf of two weeks then on the invite write her name only and then inside put “____ out of 1 person attending” if someone calls and asks if they can bring more just say the budget doesnt allow.

thats what we are planning on doing because of all of our single friends and family members.

Post # 10
2706 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@indecisivebride89:  Ugh I would love to say kick them out because that is SO RUDE!!!!


But in reality, a good caterer/hall/whatever you use shoudl be able to handle this possibility.  


Yes, this happened at my wedding, had one woman that was invited with a +1, RSVP’d solo, just one meal choice and then tah-dah!  Showed up with someone I had specifically NOT invited.  Luckily I had a few other jerks that no showed and things were straightened out without me even having to notice or worry about it.

Post # 11
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

i was actually the uninvited +1 at a wedding several years ago.  We were in our very early 20’s and it was the first wedding either of us had attended without parents.  My BF wanted me to come, didn’t know a +1 wasn’t automatically assumed (and there was just a line saying # of guests attending).  It wasn’t until we were at the reception one of the friends made a nasty comment to me about me not actually being welcome, I felt pretty awful – We’d been dating about a year at the time and we didn’t know better!

Post # 12
67 posts
Worker bee

@indecisivebride89:  I would specifically spell out each invited guest”s name on the invite AND “__ number of seats have been reserved for you” on the RSVP card.  Don’t have a generic “___ (number of) adults/___ (number of) children” as based on what you have said of your family that sounds like it would open the door for many addon guests that you aren’t intending to invite.

If anyone RSVP’s with addons not specifically invited, you or your Fiance (depending on whose family it is) can call up the guest and say, “Aunt Edna, I’m so excited that you and Uncle Joe are going to attend the wedding, but due to limitations we are just not able to accommodate cousins Lily, David, and Joey.  I’m very sorry, but we just are not able to accommodate everyone we would like to.  Looking forward to sdancing with you and Uncle Joe.”

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