(Closed) What to do w/Unfriendly MOH

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do with the unfriendly MOH?
    Demote her : (11 votes)
    65 %
    Have a second MOH : (6 votes)
    35 %
    Keep only her : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    3942 posts
    Honey bee

    I’m not really sure why you asked her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor in the first place, since you said she isn’t your best friend. Will you both have many of the same guests? Will they need to travel?

    Post # 4
    9548 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I definately think you need to give her some space and don’t demote her or it’s all just going to blow up. I, personally, am of the opinion that a month buffer is fine, but there are lots of bees that think 6 weeks before would be inappropriate, so I don’t think your friend is being completely insane about getting upset about a 6 week window. For some reason this really seems to strike a jealouos note with lots of brides. Most of them try to realize that this isn’t rational but it still comes out. So while I think she’s ackting rudely I wouldn’t let it get to you and don’t let it keep her from being your Maid/Matron of Honor. talk to her honestly about timing. If you’re considering months other than May, that might be easier.

    Post # 6
    94 posts
    Worker bee

    Choosing a Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor because you hope it will bring your closer is not a good idea…it really isn’t likely to work. You have my sympathy because I chose one Bridesmaid or Best Man because we weren’t as close as I would have liked. In fact your description of your friend sounds VERY familiar!

        I had thought we would become closer if she was my Bridesmaid or Best Man but it ended up with her letting me down, communication dwindled despite my attempts to rescue the situation and we are now not speaking anymore. 

        I am not sad about this because her behaviour showed me that she was not the type of person I should have as a friend (unlike my other Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor who have been supportive stars throughout my wedding preparations)

        If you want to keep her as a friend then don’t change your plans and try to just see past this…if you see this friendship ending at some point then IMO I don’t see any point in struggling through this. You have over a year to go…..I hate to say it but as pressure builds and weddings are stressful – even the best plans go wrong at times- then you will need her support and she will need yours and if the friendship is already causing upset it will be difficult to keep it going…..sorry for the pessimism there…..

        I would try talking to her as it may ease tensions between the two of you. I can’t promise it but at the moment you don’t have anything to lose by sitting down with her and explaining how you feel.

    Post # 7
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I wouldn’t choose any of your options.  I wouldn’t have her in the wedding whatsoever.  Your wedding is supposed to be a joyous time, and she is obviously bringing you down.  This friendship sounds unhealthy to me.  People change over the years, and sometimes it just doesn’t make sense to be friends anymore. 

    Post # 9
    333 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    You get one DAY for your wedding, and to be fair, fine you can call a week entirely yours. That’s it! A six week buffer is asking too much and a 3 month buffer request is asinine. I’d make her a guest if you don’t see yourself staying friends with her post wedding. You only get married once,don’t let this ruin your engagement period. 

    Post # 10
    2874 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    mmm i know where youre coming from. I have a “best friend” that ive known since i was 14. shes not really a close friend anymore, but we were really close when younger and spent years in different places catching up when we could and taking up when we left off…and i didnt realise how far apart we’d grown. we’re now in different places, so when she is doing crazy music scene things and dating multiple people, im all settled…but still, i always imagined she’d be part of my wedding. until i mentioned it and she was very negative on the whole institution of marriage and my plans

    my point isnt to go on a “me me me” monologue…but rather there comes a point where even though you dont give up on friendship lightly, they just dont have a place in your life anymore and youve grown apart… When you said she isnt always kind to you, or around when you need her – its a massive red flag to me, and it makes me think ‘habit friendship’ which is based on the past rather than ‘true friendship’

    i cant believe she is worried about you getting married within 6 weeks of her! if it was one week, ok maybe she would have a point, but still! AND the fact that shes venting to mutual friends…i dont like it. I am a simple person – if i have a problem with you ill try and communicate it to you, and i watn the same things from my friends. I just feel that im at an age not to be talking behind peoples backs!

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