- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
So I’m looking for some advice here — at issue is what to do with my current Maid/Matron of Honor and whether I should a) demote her, b) have two MOH’s [to spare some hurt feelings] or c) just leave things as they are.
As way of background, I am very recently engaged and the day of the engagement I asked a girl I’ve known since childhood, and who has been my best friend, to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. In all honesty, our “friendship” is nothing like it used to be and I really don’t see this person as my best friend, particularly because she isn’t always kind to me, is only around when it’s convenient for her and, increasingly, leaves me out of things. Either way, I’m also her Maid/Matron of Honor, and I thought that maybe the shared responsibility would be fun and might bring us closer together. Two days into the engagement, though, she proved me wrong.
While having a drink after work, she casually asked if my fiance and I knew when we were going to get married. Give that I’d been engaged for a hot second, I replied, ‘no, we’re just talking to some venues and it will largely depend on what’s available.’ I told her that because of her wedding in June, the hot summer months and then the fact that we don’t want a winter wedding, we’re basically looking at April, May, September or October. After I said this, she looked me straight in the face and said, “If you got married in April or May, it would really break my heart.” She then went on to say that really a three month buffer is most appropriate. I couldn’t help but laugh, and I’ll spare everyone the ridiculous conversation that followed, but suffice it to say that it wasn’t particularly supportive. I’d also like to point out that, if the wedding had been in May, it would’ve been 6 weeks ahead of hers.
Anyway, I tried to abate any fears she had and she made it seem as though she was fine, but a few days later another one of my bridesmaids told me that the Maid/Matron of Honor had contacted her and told her that I might get married in May and wasn’t it so awful, yada yada. I called her out on it and it started a fight, where she told me that now her wedding wouldn’t be any fun and that I was being mean to her. I felt like the whole thing was ridiculous and, frankly, ruining the first two weeks of my engagement, so I made every effort to resolve the fight and we did. Now, though, she’s still being very competitive with me and won’t share with me any of the details of her wedding when I ask how things are going (isn’t that what you’re supposed to want to do with your MOH??), and is just generally being very judgmental about the details of mine.
The whole thing is very disappointing, but if I can be grateful for anything, it’s now knowing who this person is and what kind of friend I can expect them to be going forward — which, doesn’t make me at all excited to stay friends with her. At this point, I really don’t want her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor (nor do I want to be hers) and I don’t know what to do. Given her reaction about the potential May wedding date, I can just imagine how things would go if I demoted her to “regular bridesmaid” and I wonder if the drama is really worth it. I feel like the other option to just having her as Maid/Matron of Honor is to have a second, thereby taking some of the Maid/Matron of Honor “responsibilities” away from her and giving them to this other girl I really love, am able to talk to about anything and see being part of my life going forward. Any thoughts here? Has anyone ever dealt with something similar?
Appreciate the advice!