(Closed) what to do…(sorry long)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Good decision with the counseling; it seems like everyone has moved on from these feelings but him (understandably, since he was the one who was directly hurt by comments made).  It is likely that he will not be able to move on without an objective third party bringing that to his attention.  He may not build a life-long loving relationship with your family, but just someone else bringing it to his attention that they are no longer cold/hurtful towards him and that you love and support him very much could be all he needs to at least move forward.  

I worry about the same thing with my SO because my family is not supportive of him as my partner.  I have no secrets from him and therefore tell him everything they say behind his back.  Consequently, he finds it hard to have any kind of positive relationship with them, even on the surface, because he knows about their true feelings.  If those feelings change towards him, as your family’s have towards your Darling Husband, I doubt he will just forget about it.  Continually reassert your support for him, above all others, and with time, things will gradually heal. 

Post # 5
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I love my husband very much. Part of the resentment is also to me for not sticking up for him more, and it kills me inside.I wish I would have been stronger about it. At the time, I listened to most of the advice that my family gave to me. I have defintiely grown up since then and now know different. I know what a truly amazing, integlligent, funny and wonderful man my husband is.

Have you told him exactly this?  Maybe he doesn’t know all of that information.

Post # 7
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsCoachBtoBee: Totally agree.

I also think counseling would be the best situation for you. Maybe even after marriage counseling, you all could do a session of family counseling, you, your husband and your family. Maybe he needs to express to them how much their comments hurt him. I know you said your family has apologized so maybe he has already done this.

I think being honest about how its making you feel is the best policy. My Fiance and I had a hard start because of something really stupid. I wasn’t sure I wanted people to know about our relationship so I chose to keep it hidden from all our friends. This really hurt him and he would still express this a bring it up years later. I finally had to tell him, I was very sorry for how I acted when we started dating, but if he was going to keep bringing it up we were going to have problems. It was hurting my feelings that he kept throwing it in my face. It felt almost like punishment or something. There is no use dwelling on the past, the only thing you can do is move forward. I’m sure I said some other stuff as well, but ever since then he has not brought it up.

Just have faith that everything will work out and don’t fear the counseling it’s definitely a step in the right direction.

Post # 8
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s greta that you’re getting into counseling. I hope that it helps your husband, because honestly it seems that he is the one with a problem here. Your family judged wrongly, but now realizes they made a mistake and are kind to him. Yet for some reason he wants to hold a gruge and alienate your relatives. My grandpa didn’t like my dad at all, even urged my mom the day of that she didn’t have to go through with the wedding! However, my grandpa realized he was wrong, and they get along great. I can’t imagine how strained my relationship with my grandparents would of been if my dad couldn’t get over the past.

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