- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2011
I’m a regular poster but currently posting anonymously, I really need some advice, or maybe just someone to listen to… not really sure, but here it goes.
My husband and I have been married for under 6 months, but have been together for 4 years now. We had a somewhat rocky dating history initially, but over the past 2 1/2 years have been really strong, and there has been no doubt(seemingly) that we want to spend our lives together.
One of the issues in our early dating, was my family. My husband was a little bit wild at the time, wasn’t quite gainfully employed, dropped out of college, had long hair and drove a jeep. He was not what my mom and dad pictured as my husband apparently. So, there were some fights between me, my parents/ my husband (future husband at the time), in which some mean things were said by my parents. Ultimately we ended up breaking up/making up a few times over the issue, and it caused a lot of hurt to my husband, understandbly so. Over the past 4 years, my family has apologized as have I, but the problem persists. Husband has also grown to despise my sister in the process of things, because she also gave him a hard time about dating me. It seemed to go dormant for a good while, but lately my husband has been getting upset about it again. He has so much resentment towards my family, even though they now love him and would never say a mean word about him. It’s to the point that he does not want to be near them ever, and even the mention of my sister’s name will set him off into a bad mood for the rest of the day.
I love my husband very much. Part of the resentment is also to me for not sticking up for him more, and it kills me inside.I wish I would have been stronger about it. At the time, I listened to most of the advice that my family gave to me. I have defintiely grown up since then and now know different. I know what a truly amazing, integlligent, funny and wonderful man my husband is.
But, I also love my family. And, I want them to be a part of our life. Yesterday we finally talked seriously about going to marriage counseling. I am glad about that, but I am having some real fears and hesitations. Again, I love my husband more than anything and I will do anything to make this better. I just fear that this is beyond me. I fear that he will always hold this against me and eventually he will become bitter towards me about it. I fear that counseling will bring the ill feelings out 1 x per week instead of just every once in a while. I don’t know what to do. I sometimes wonder will we make it through this.