(Closed) What to expect from the groom’s family

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think, if following traditional etiquette, the groom’s family is responsible for the rehearsal dinner.  I have no links but I think when I had an etiquette question I went to a website called brideguide.  Maybe they have the information you’re looking for?

Post # 4
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

My FI’s parents are paying for the rehersal dinner & that’s about it. They helped out with the honeymoon a little bit by giving us money for Christmas but that’s totally up to them to help out with that if they want. I was always under the impression that they were only supposed to pay for rehersal dinner…anything after that is generous!

Post # 5
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

If they’re of the opinion that the bride’s family should pay for the wedding, the groom’s family is supposed to pay for both the rehearsal dinner and the honeymoon.  That’s one tradition.  Of course there are many sources that will tell you the bride’s family isn’t obligated to pay for anything or just to contribute etc. and the flip side is that the groom’s family isn’t obligated either.  I think most people on this board and in our generation think that no one is obligated to pay for a wedding but the couple. 

Post # 6
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Traditionally – groom’s family pays for bride’s bouquet, rehearsal dinner and honeymoon.

Today – I agree with Arachna – if a couple wants a wedding, they should pay for it. I don’t expect my parents or FIL’s to kick in a penny.

Post # 7
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Um… nothing.  The groom’s family traditionally pays for the rehersal dinner and that’s it.

Post # 8
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree w/ everyone above. My in-laws paid for our rehearsal dinner, and that was it. We took on the majority of the cost.

Post # 9
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t think in this day and age you should really EXPECT anything.  But tradition dictates the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal.  You will probably find other things such as the bride’s bouquet, honeymoon, bar at the reception depending on where you look.

Post # 10
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i feel like now a days tradition is kind of done with when it comes to who pays. my fil’s are paying for the rd, like everyone mentioned above, and the alcohol, but that’s a random extra cost. i’ve heard that the groom is supposed to pay for the honeymoon. but like i said, i don’t feel like people do tradition anymore, it’s what they can afford and it depends on the family. my parents paid for my brother’s entire wedding because the bride’s family couldn’t afford it and they wanted them to have a nice wedding.

Post # 11
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Grace is correct.  Traditionally the grooms family should pay for the bar at the reception, flowers for the bride and grandparents as well as a rehersal dinner.  If you look on theknot you will find some different variations of this. 

From personal experience, my grooms family would not pay for anything, and I did limit their guest list to family.  Which I felt was fair since I was paying.  My parents gave us a generous gift to use for any wedding related costs or to help fix up our home.  The choice was ours on how we used their funds. 

I have had several friends have their familys split everything in 1/3…brides family, grooms family, and happy couple all paying for the celebration. 

Every family is differnt, my suggestion would be to talk with your in laws early and find out what their expections are as well as if they would like to financially contribute to your celebration. This can be a difficult situation but I would highly suggest involving your Fiance and being open with your in laws.  They might suprise you with their generousity but if not at least you have this information early in your planning. 

Post # 12
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think the other bees have pretty much summed it up as far as expectations go. However, you may want to stress that since your FI’s parents are not contributing anything…they should not have the expectation of anybody other than immediate family being invited to the wedding.

I am in the camp that the bride and groom pays for their own wedding….but really it’s “he who has the gold, makes the rules”…since that’s your family…the guest list and choices made during the planning process will probably reflect that

Post # 13
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I dont think that either parents should be expected to pay. My parents are willfully donating $3,000 for our wedding, granted my parents are divorced and both employed. His on the other hand are 20+ years older than mine and are now retired. So all we asked was for them to cover the Rehearsal dinnner which should be simple since it’s a bbq in our backyard.

Post # 14
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’ve have heard that traditionally (think old school folks that have money): 

Bride’s fam: ceremony, reception, and travel for out of town guests

Groom’s fam: alcohol at reception, rehearsal dinner, honeymoon, wedding rings. 

 

Now? Seems like the bride/groom are responsible for everything and should be grateful if anyone is able and willing to help 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Now, yes, many people are getting married older, are established well off (or not) and the tradition is to “not expect tradition to be followed”

 

That being said, that doesn’t mean that parents and families (a lot of them!) don’t still WANT to follow tradition and pay for their daughters wedding and conversely son’s rehearsal dinner. i think it’s important that we remember on here that it’s not a bad thing if families want to follow “traditions” as they know them in their generation.

So, for our parents, “tradition” is for the brides family to host the wedding.  Grooms to pay for brides bouquet, reversal, and honeymoon. I would say however, that usually it’s just the rehearsal.

Post # 16
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My parents are paying for the entire wedding, and now it looks as if they will be paying for the Rehearsal Dinner as well.  The Fiance parents are of no help to us, and have shown no interest in our wedding whatsoever.

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