Post # 1
Hey everyone! My Fiance and I have already set a date and booked our venue. Prior to officially booking, my mom called my old church (where I was confirmed) to make sure I can get married there. I live in Chicago, but my family and venue are in the suburbs, so it only made sense to get married in the burbs as well. Anyways, I already had my current church in the city send a letter of “approval” to my hometown church saying that it was ok for me to marry there. My mother talked to the priest and confirmed that my date and time were available for a wedding next year. (I have never met this priest, as he wasn’t there when I went to the church years ago.)
She told me last week that the priest called her and asked if we still wanted to get married on 7/21 because he had not met me or my Fiance yet! Oops! So I called him and set up an appointment for next week. But, um… what is this appointment going to be like? What kind of questions can I expect? I am particularly nervous because Fiance and I live together and I don’t know if it’s ok to say that if the Father asks. I don’t want to lie, but I have heard of some more conservative Catholic churches denying your request to have a wedding if you live together!
Any advice on what to expect for this first meeting?
Post # 3
My priest asks us about ourselves, our family backgrounds, how we met, if we’re living together, if we want kids, and about our spirtual background.
It’s pretty easy and most want to like you and aren’t going to drill you for information.
Later on, you’ll have a meeting to go over the ceremony words, readings and hymns.
Post # 4
During our first meeting, the priest just talked to us about the same things that pinkmagnolia stated. He also gave us one of those personality quizzes that we needed to fill out honestly, which we would take to him the next meeting and that would let us know about our personalities and what problems could arise. don’t worry, it’s not painful.
Post # 4
Don’t stress! It sounds like it’s just going to be a meet-and-greet. There may be a form they want you to fill out, but it’s just your names and whether you have been married before/are related. It is very, very unlikely that your priest will deny you because you live together. In some rare circumstances a priest or diocese will make this policy for themselves, but I’ve never experienced it (and I’ve known LOTS of cohabiting couples, including myself and Darling Husband, and most of these live in one of the most conservative diocese in the US). Contrary to popular belief, the Catholic Church does NOT deny marriage because of cohabitation. Other bees can back this up with sources but the thinking is–marriage “solves” the problem of cohabitation as the Church sees it, so the idea is to encourage marriage, not deny it. Does that make sense? I hope so.
ETA: Oh yea, duh, your original question. You’ll probably talk a little bit about the ceremony, you might get the FOCCUS quiz (we didn’t), he may talk about your faith a little bit like PPs said.
Post # 5
Our first meeting was really short. We just went over the paperwork, got our witness statements to mail to our parents, talked about requirements (i.e., FOCCUS test, Pre-Cana, family planning, etc.)
Our second meeting we took the FOCCUS. They let us take it together and said we could ask each other for clarification of the questions. Some are a bit cryptic.
Our third meeting we discussed the FOCCUS. We’ve always been 100% up front about living together, and even mentioned it in the conversation. The priest never even commented on it. I would just be up front. The priest might ask if you will abstain until the wedding. Make sure you and your fiance are on the same page about this.
We’re meeting again after Pre-Cana. The actual ceremony is out of state, so we have to meet with that priest to discuss over the actual ceremony planning.
Post # 6
Thanks for the help everyone! I’m sure it will be ok, just wanted to get some ideas of what to expect, as neither of us have been married before and it has been a while since I’ve had to prepare to receive a sacrament for the first time!
And I’m glad so many of you say it’s ok to be upfront about cohabitating! That was stressing me out!
Post # 7
My situation is a little different. I went to a Catholic college run by Benedictine monks, and that is where we are getting married. We first met with the monk who runs all the marriage stuff at the college (not the actual monk that will be marrying us). We took the FOCCUS test.
Since the monk marrying us knows my Fiance and I fairly well our first meeting with him was fairly informal. We went over the FOCCUS test results, and went over any questions that Fiance and I disagreed on. Honestly, it was not that big of a deal.
The priest marrying us obviously doesn’t love that we live together, but he didn’t make a big deal out of it at all. It was actually kind of funny when it came up. He was discussing with Fiance and I different things that we do apart from each other (just so we don’t spend all of our time together and have interests outside of our marriage/relationship), and Fiance was talking about how I have a younger sister with Down Syndrome that I am very close to, so I will sometimes go spend the night with her and my parents. Fiance then said “of course I miss her…” and the priest said “well you shouldn’t be missing her now should you?! But that’s the last thing I’ll say about that subject!” Haha…
Don’t stress, I’m sure that it will be fine! 🙂