(Closed) What to give if you don't attend?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What do you give to the couple whose wedding you didn't attend?
    Same as if I did attend : (16 votes)
    53 %
    Less than I would have if I had attended : (13 votes)
    43 %
    Other (please explain) : (1 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    9631 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    I would give the same as I would have if I did attend. If not more because they really want you there to spend their special day with them, but you weren’t able to so you need to make up for it somehow

    Post # 4
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Schloss Heiligenberg/ Spearfish Canyon Lodge

    I think your friends are very grateful that you’re giving such generous gifts! And regarding whether cash or material presents is better, I think it really just boild down to personal preference. I personally prefer giving things unless the couple asked for money/gift cards.

    Post # 5
    735 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    The gift you give the couple should depend on your relationship with them. (and your financial situation, I suppose.  A college student won’t be able to afford the same kinds of gifts that an established professional will.)

    If you are very close to the couple and would have loved to be at the wedding, give a gift that expresses that – for you. (I need a new car after the wedding, but that’s not a wedding gift in my circle! My family likes to give dishes and photo frames)

    If you are not especially close to the couple, you may not need to send a gift at all – a letter congratulating the happy couple is all that’s required. 

    When I must decline the wedding invitation of a friend, I try to give the same kind of gift I would send if I were attending. I usually shop based on relationship, not whether or not I’m going to the wedding. 

    Post # 6
    12973 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I give at least the same as I would if I were to attend.  However, if the wedding invovled travel expenses that I saved by not going, I’d probably give more.

    Post # 7
    68 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I usually give what I would have if I did attend. However, I got married in June and the majority of people that declined did not send anything…so I’m not sure if this is something that is changing or if people just have bad manners.

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