Post # 1
I was raised with the philosophy that the more generous people are to you, the more generous you should be to them. I have also seen the awkwardness that results from people getting wildly disparate gifts. With that in mind, I have a dilemma:
At my wedding, several of my friends didn’t get me a gift. Most of these were short on money and got me a card- I am TOTALLY FINE with that. A few had plenty of money and still didn’t get me anything, or just a card. One of my friends who did this was spending money on many “toys”- a ferrari, big screen TV, vacation to Hawaii, and it bothered me that he couldn’t even get me a gift. I am now invited to their wedding and stuck on what to do for a gift. What would you do?
Post # 3
You be the bigger person and follow etiquette. It would still be rude if you didn’t get them anything even if they did the same – but more rude if you did it out of spite.
Post # 4
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
I’d get them a gift, but you could be less generous than your normally are if the situation bothers you. I don’t think it’s right to just return in kind and not gift them because they didn’t gift you.
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2013 - Kempinski San Lawrenz, Gozo
I’d give as much as it costs to eat at her wedding. The exact amount, if possible.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - Cedar Lake Cellars
As corny as it sounds, I really live by the code to treat other as you would like to be treated. Get them the gift that you wish they has gotten you. It’s not a competition so you should do the good, polite thing.
If she continues to take advantage, try not putting yourself in situations that bother you so much.
Post # 9
Maybe I’m terrible, but they would definitely just get a card from me.
Post # 10
They would get a card from me only because of my financial situation. My husband and I are very tight on money right now and spending anything on a wedding gift is stretching out money that we don’t have. So if this was me, I would get them a card. If I was in a better financial place, I would just get them something moderately priced off their registry.
Post # 11
Do you know if they intentionally did not give you a gift? Sometimes people forget to bring it to the wedding and just drop the ball after that, or I have heard many experiences from friends where cards were misplaced at the wedding and lost. So that’s one thought. But regardless of that, I would give them something small. Not out of spitefulness, but just because it’s proper to give a gift, and you realize how awkward it is when gifted nothing. The rule of thumb for etiquette is to pay for your head, but they did not follow that rule so I don’t think you should have to either. I think the etiquette is in place partially so that these sort of uneven gifting situations do not arise. It sounds like though that you would feel equally as bad not giving anything, so just give something that might be a bit less generous as you would have otherwise.
Post # 12
@Adams_bee: that’s funny.
OP i would get them a gift but maybe not spend the same money as i normally would. check their registry and see if something is going on sale. i’ve done that. (casual dinner set was on sale for 50% off so i got them 2 sets.) or you can just get an expensive gift for 1/2 the price.