(Closed) What to pay my boyfriend in rent?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

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ct2015:  If they split in half, he benefits greatly because he will have 50% of his mortage paid, doesn’t have to deal with a rando roommate, and he probably wasn’t planning on having a roommate at all – so it’s most likely either he gets 0% of financial help on his mortage or 25%-40%. He also got to choose the location, a pro for him and a con for her.

I think this situation is one in where they can both benefit. If she pays half, the only benefit is that she doesn’t have a potentially bad relationship with a landlord. Zero financial benefit for her, but a HUGE financial benefit for him. 

I don’t think it’s absolutely wrong for her to pay half, but if you both love each other, why not BOTH benefit from this situation. 

Post # 32
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I moved into my now-husband’s house when we were still dating, and he didn’t want me paying anything towards the mortgage.  His thought was that it might complicate things if we broke up if I had a history of contributing to the mortgage payments, since it was in his name only and he had paid everything for it.  I was fine with that as I would have felt the same if the roles were reversed.  I paid some utilities and groceries and dinners out and things like that to contribute. 

Post # 33
Member
4084 posts
Honey bee

Research the cost of renting as a roommate in the area, and pay that. Look at CL ads for people looking to rent a room. Unless you were planning on buying something when you move, it makes no sense to have an issue paying rent to your BF when you’d be paying rent to lease your own place or get a roommate. If you don’t like the place and would rather live somewhere else, ain’t no shame in that…if it’s practical for you and would make moving so far away more enjoyable, I say do it! If you guys are in it for the long haul, then whatever money your BF saves from getting rent monthly will go towards getting a house together later. If you break up (sorry to be negative), you’ll just be out the rent you would’ve paid anyway…and probably less if you’re basing it on renting a room versus your own place.

Post # 34
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee

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georgetownbee:  

I have been and am in the situation of being the homeowner…

Yeah, he get’s HALF his mortgage paid…if she was to rent a place, she would be paying the landlord’s ENTIRE mortgage…so they BOTH benefit…

If someone in my house breaks – (such as appliances…or even A/C, roof issue, windows, etc) ..as the homeowner, I am responsible…even though someone else is causing wear and tear on things such as the appliances (not on the other things, but still -that is MY problem, not someone else’s)

As far as location…I think that is a moot point – she can go rent a place (and pay 100% of the landlord’s mortgage) if she would prefer a different location…when you buy a house, the seller doesn’t care (or consider) what the buyer thinks of the location…the buyer either buys it or doesn’t.

Again, ANYPLACE you live – you pay rent…you don’t move into an apartment and say – “well, I am not crazy about the location, so I will pay utilities, but I only want to pay partial or no rent”

BTW- In the event he put a down payment on the house, she IS getting a discount – she is paying on his current expense, not the value of the house…

 

Post # 35
Member
4323 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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georgetownbee:  Your argument makes no sense. What is she “benefitting” from getting her own place that she is giving up by moving in with him? She’d likely pay more, have to cover 100% of the utilities, groceries, cable,etc, plus have no one to help with upkeep/chores, etc. If she’s going to rent SOMEONE is going to get a financial benefit from that: be it him, another landlord, or a property company. If you rent, someone other than you always gets a financial benefit from that, so not moving in  with him really just means that the someone is not the person you’re with.

 

Post # 36
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

My BF pays me the same as what he paid to rent a place (which is about what my mortgage is). He has $0 other actual bills. I also pay all the utilities, his car payment, his insurance, most of the groceries. I don’t see it as my place vs his place, in the end it is our place.

Post # 37
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Add up your monthly shared living expenses (rent, utilities, groceries, etc.). Open a joint checking account. Each put 50% of the monthly shared living expenses in the account each month. Pay all shared living expenses from the joint account. Maybe that’ll alleviate some of the concern about paying his mortgage vs. other expenses (which I’ve always thought about as “magic math” – what does it matter what you pretend your contributions are allocated towards?).

And try to stop counting. No relationship is 50/50 all the time, and trying to add it up will only lead to frustration and upset. Be generous and kind. Expect the same. And it will all work out. 

Post # 38
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

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ct2015:  
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saratiara2:  Agree to disagree. I do think he benefits from her paying 25%, 30% or 40% , not just 50%. 

Also, you’re assuming that paying half his mortage is lower than her renting somewhere else. My SO pays $1800/month on his condo, and I have friends in the same city that pay $800-$900/month and live in a better location than my SO lives in (commute wise). That was my point about the location. She can potentially rent in a nicer location for the same price. So she can make the argument that she would rather rent her own place that is closer to work, but if he took $150 off rent she could swing the extra gas money, etc. 

BUT if her BF isn’t comfortable with her paying less than half, I’m not against that! I do think he’s entitled to ask whatever he wants for rent from a place he owns! I just think a case can be made for paying slightly below market value. 

 

 

 

Post # 39
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee

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georgetownbee:  

You raise a good point…I was basing my 50% on it being an “average” house…say he lives in a million dollar house and has a huge mortgage – no, I don’t think she should pay half…I was thinking in terms of comparable rent…

 

Post # 40
Member
4323 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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georgetownbee:  I never said he doesn’t benefit from her paying towards the mortgage. Obviously he does. The point was that it’s not as though she gets nothing out of it. Even if she does pay 50%.

I just don’t understand the idea that she gets nothing, even if they do split eventually: she gets a place to live. Like every other renter on the planet gets in exchange for their rent.

Post # 41
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee

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saratiara2:  

That was my point as well…

Post # 42
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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genabee:  When I moved in with DH (BF at the time) I paid him half of what he was charging to rent one of his rooms.  I figured half that rate was fair because I was sharing a room with him.  But the justification here was also predicated on the fact that he lived in a 3-bedroom home and had two guys renting those other two rooms.  Yeah, I essentially lived in a frat house for a year and a half.  I got real good at video games 🙂

But even if he lived alone I’d never imagined paying half his mortgage, I just don’t think that would be fair considering he’s getting all the equity.  Assuming he doesn’t have any other tenants, I’d figure out market rate for renting a room in a home and pay that, plus half utilities.  And if he lives in a one-bedroom home (meaning you won’t have access to a room of your own) I’d pay half the going rate.

Post # 43
Member
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

If he bought it independabtly regardless of you and your income I’d pay 50% utilities, pitch in some groceries. I don’t think his mortgage is your responsibility if you don’t have a right to the equity. its not the same as a landlord/tenant situation IMO. What does he think? Whats the mortgage compared to what you’d rent?

Post # 44
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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pinkshoes:  Yes yes yes. Giving you a virtual standing ovation for this response.

Post # 45
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

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saratiara2:  I think you misunderstood me. I was comparing renting her own place vs. paying him rent. So in either situation she would have a home to live in. I meant the benefit from living with him vs. her own place. And without knowing specific pricing, we really can’t say she would spend more living on her own. In my case, I could easily spend less not living in my SO’s condo.

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