Post # 46
OP, there is also the opportunity cost of what you are giving up…you know, the intangible things (you basically have it made where you currently are AND you are giving up a GREAT job)…if this was a strictly business relationship, I would say hey, yeah, go half regardless. But, it’s not. One has to consider that you are giving up much for his gain. It’s admirable that your man moved the kids and ex where he is going for the kids’ sake (well, hopefully), but, again, you are giving up everything.
SO HELL NO I would not have been going half on everything. Sorry, not sorry.
Post # 47
When I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) we had this discusion also. I was used to renting and was totally willing to pay half the mortgage and bills. He was pretty against this (its the macho man- I can take care of you feeling I think) but I was totally used to being independent also and was not OK with this. Our comprimise was that he would continue to pay his mortgage, but I would take over all other bills including groceries. The only bill he continues to pay is his boat payment- thats ALL his! =)
Anyways it has worked well for us, but this was a discusion and mutual decision we made together. I say you guys need to talk this over. I wouldnt just assume he would be OK with you moving in and not paying rent. BUT if he is OK with that, maybe take over all the other bills. We honestly end up paying almost an equal amount with me doing this. Just my thoughts!
Post # 48
There are many factors to consider. Personally, if a couple has not combined finances, I believe in finding some sort of equitable split of the rent/morgage, rather than having one pay for the housing and another pay for utilities/groceries or something like that. To me, that just makes sense. And in your case, I think it’s very sensible to keep your expenses and income seperate until the relationship progresses.
Here’s how I understand your situation: he buys a house, you pay him rent to live there, but the house is meant for you two, plus for his children.
In this case, I’d look online for rental properties that are a similar quality level and location to the house but are a size that you would have chosen if it were just the two of you. Based on the comparisons that you see, I’d make an agreement to pay him 50% of the going price for rent on that type of property. That way you are are contributing a fair amount based on what you would have paid otherwise, and he can bear the extra cost (if any) of providing a larger house to accommodate his children. Depending on where you live, the difference between the 2 bedroom appartment and the 4 bedroom house may be substantial, or it may be practically nothing.
Keep in mind that a bigger house with more people in it also means higher utility bills. You might strike a deal to pay him 25% of utilities (or something), based on the overall occupancy of the house.
But what if you don’t earn similar salaries?
For couples who earn substantially different salaries but live together and want to split expenses, I’m in favor of a plan where you split based on percentage of income. So if, for example, you earn $150,000 per year and he earns $50,000 per year, I would suggest that you split housing costs 75%/25%. That way each partner contributes a similar percentage of income, and your housing ends up striking a balance between the level of oppulance the $150k earner might want and the level of affordability the $50k earner needs.
I’d only employ this tactic if the gulf between earnings was signifigant though. Otherwise I don’t think it’s worth the complexity.
Post # 49
Months later, I know, but I wanted to provide an update. I decied to split his mortgage- I pay 50%, but I do not pay the ultilities or cable/internet, etc… this is fair as the children can fluctuate the cost on the “extras”. This made it easy. I pay half, probably more than what I would have paid renting a small one or two bedroom but it works for me. Cant change the location, that is something we struggle with and the fact that it is not “our” house. In a few years we will have “our” house, one we pick together. I also chip in for household items (groceries, toilet paper, etc..) I dont split off the children in any way… its just easier to shop together and take half the bill sometimes take it all and sometimes not pay. It works so far and we’ve never argued about financs or who pays for what. 🙂
Post # 51
If you’re living there, you pay half, even if it’s not what you’d “prefer.” You don’t get to make that decision on the basis of meeting all your favorite criteria. If you were renting straight out from a management company, you wouldn’t be able to “This is too far from public transit, I’m going to give you 80% of what you’re asking.”
But it sounds like this isn’t about the housing situation, it’s about your feelings towards his ex wife. Maybe couples counseling?
Post # 52
nope, everything is wonderful in that regard. No problem with the ex, relationship is great, not my ideal location but I moved here for him/us not the location. As stated above wanted to give an update on the live in situation. Worked out well, just ready for the next step of our plan and not be a live in girlfriend. 😉
Post # 53
oops, I thought you were responding to my update. Didn’t realize it deactivates the thread.
Post # 54
oops, I thought you were responding to my update. Didn’t realize it re-activates the thread.
Post # 55
I see this has already been decided, but if anyone else is looking at this decision in the future, I think the fair thing would be to pay half of the interest and half of the utilities. Basically, exclude the principal because that’s just money in his pocket as long as the house is in his name only, but pay half of all the other expenses.
When living with a partner, I think it’s fair to pay half of all expenses, but I wouldn’t expect the homeowner to charge extra just to make a profit for themselves. And paying the principal of the mortgage would effectively be that, converting your money to his equity.