(Closed) What to pay officiant who is also family friend/guest at wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I am also curious! My great uncle will be our officiant and has said he doesn’t want anything, but I’d feel bad if he didn’t get anything!

Post # 4
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Our officiant wouldn’t accept money. Instead, he wanted us to donate to the charity of our choosing in his name. So we donated $250 to big brothers, big sisters. 

Post # 6
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

My officiant is a close friend of mine. I let it slip that I wanted to pay her but she refuses…so in her thank you card I am going to give her $150 visa card and maybe a nice gift…like a homemade candle or bathbomb.

Post # 7
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m paying ‘mates rates’ to mine, which is just her deposit of $150 (this is in Australia). And I’ll get her a nice bottle of wine or two as well.

Post # 8
404 posts
Helper bee

I have no idea, but maybe ask him how much he’d usually charge? Or ask if there’s a charity he’d like you guys to donate to instead? 

Post # 9
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Our officiant is the same way. We are covering his hotel room for the two nights and I also offered to cover his mileage to the wedding since its about a 3 hour drive for him. Otherwise I was thinking about donating to the parish or the charity of his choice.

Post # 10
7900 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

You should give a donation to the church. Anything is fine. I’d personally probably give $500 if it was in my budget.

At least for my pastor (who married me off site) and the one who married me for my first wedding (who was at a different church we didn’t belong to… just one we randomly chose and was available), the pastor does not get paid for the wedding. It’s part of his normal duties. What we paid (over $1000 for that first wedding, open donation for the second) went to the church (and in the first case, the organist and site manager who had to come in on days they normally don’t work).

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