Post # 1
Hello My Bees.
Well I am here today because I have a small problem. So I do side work as a wedding planner and one of my friends insisted that I help her plan her wedding. I told her yes and we worked out everything else out. Now She isn’t my problem her Fiance is! He is in the Navy and he wanted to be apart of the all planning (And that’s cool, seeing most men don’t). Well last night I get a phone call from her and I go into full planner mood, and get ready for her to ask me 300 questions and tell me what she need’s me to do. But once i picked up the phone, i could hear a crying friend. I asked her what was wrong.. She says ” i called him to tell him everything that was going on and he told me, that we couldn’t have a wedding!. She goes on to say that he want’s her to have 10 kids on top of the 3 they have, and she has been just saying yes to everything he has asked of her, because she loves him.
He call her cell when I was talking to her. I could hear him tell her, to get over it will be no wedding! They are going to go to the courthouse and that will be that.. She was telling him what having a wedding means to her ( her dad is sick) and she doesn’t know what life will bring for him. She wants her dad to give her away, and if they wait the 10 years he is asking of her that may not happen. He told her, he didn’t care and then got off the phone..
That pissed me off, but I didn’t say anything to her about it. She asked me what should she do, she wants to be w/ him but feels like, it’s unfair that she gives him everything he wants but she can’t have her dream wedding. I didn’t know what to say, and hell I still don’t.
What would you tell a friend that seems to be with a controlling/ selfish man?.
Post # 3
Run, run very far away….no seriously…
You are in a tough spot no matter what you say or do, if she honestly loves him and is willing to give up her dreams for this selfish, selfish man, you cannot say anything if you do you will be made out to be the bad guy and she will most likely view you as the bad guy and stop speaking to you entirely….
If you are going to give her advice be very careful what you say…don’t give her advice that is directed to her necessarily, instead use words like…if it were me, or I have had GF’s in the same situation and this is what happened, what they did….speak in platitudes…the guy sounds like he is controlling as well so he could make her cut all ties with her friends and family…by the sound of he he really has total control over her especially if he’s away and can still make her do his bidding…
Sorry I couldn’t be of more service…hopefully you will get some more advice from fellow bees…
Post # 4
I think I am going to stay out of it, really I am! I don’t see this going too well at all
Post # 5
@Kee_Jay22: I think the wisest thing to do would be to stay out of it. Good luck! Keep us posted, I hope she can talk some sense into him.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
Thats a hot mess you dont want to get involved in. Just keeping being a supportive friend. I feel so bad for your friend 🙁
Post # 7
Just be a supportive friend. this is their issue to work out on their own. As far as him just wanting to go to a courthouse, isn’t the marriage the more important thing here? What is more important to her a big party or a marriage?
Post # 8
That is a tough situation, but I think if you value your friendship with her, then you should be honest yet polite.
Personally, I would talk to her and tell her – Friend, if a wedding is important to you, you should ask him why it isn’t important to him. Anything this important to you should also be that important to him. If he doesn’t want to give you what you want because he is putting his desires about yours, ask yourself if this is what you want to put up with forever. There should be a compromise. That’s what a good relationship is all about. So, talk to him again, see if you can find a common ground. If you can’t, then you need to ask yourself whether this is something you want to deal with forever or not. And if it is, I fully support you. And if it’s not, I fully support that, too.
I wouldn’t talk badly about him. I wouldn’t tell her which way to turn. I would just push her to stand up for herself.
If she stops being your friend over this, then I don’t think you’ve lost very much.
Post # 9
I would tell her to take some time to herself, to do some thinking about what she wants out of life. I’d remind her that no one will think badly of her if she chooses not to marry him. I’d even go so far to express to her that you are concerned with some of what she’s told you because it sounds very controlling and manipulative. I’d end the conversation with reminding her that you love her, she is am amazing person, and you will support her through whatever decisions she chooses.
Post # 10
I’m w/ you’ll. I think my problem is, her dad is really sick and she doesn’t know if he is going to make it, 5-10 years from now. Hell she doesn’t know if he has until next year. And I know any female that has a relationship w/ her dad wants for ‘Daddy’ to give her away. And for him to take that away from her is 200% unfair. She has even told him she would pay for the Wedding! She also said she happy with something small of about 20-30 ppl to save money. And he still tells her NO!. To me he is selfish and that’s not cool. I have told her to think everything out before getting married, because if he can take something like this away from you, what else can he take. But I’m trying to just be a friend and not get too deep into this.