Post # 1
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
So hubs and I got married in august and are finally getting around to send out TYs (we had to wait until we got the photog pictures b/c we were making photo cards). Well we are going to send one to everyone who came and those who didn’t and sent gifts. (Only about 75 guests, so it shouldn’t be too daunting.)
I am having a hard time figuring out what we should say in the Thank You card for his mom and sis. They didn’t give a gift, but mom did send a card (which is totally fine, since they are not in the best financial situation), and mom did a reading in the wedding, which I can thank her for.
I would just include a Thank You to sis (they live together and came together, so they will get the same card) for joining and supporting us, BUT she totally didn’t. She was nothing but drama prior to the wedding, even getting me to the point where I wished I wasn;t having one b/c she was making things difficult on top of other logistic issues I was sorting out. She threw a hissy fit at the rehearsal dinner for no reason, storming out, including slamming the door at my aunt’s house, crying and saying “this is why I didn’t want to come, and I hope you know this is the kind of person you are marrying…he thinks he’s better than us, but he isn’t better than anyone…” (um, actually, he is WAY better than you, sorry hun.) She mostly had a sour face all wedding and was generally a B.
What, exactly, am I thanking her for? I feel like even saying “thanks for joining us” or “thanks for your love and support” will be total BS. I should thank her for saying she didn’t want to be in the bridal party so I didn’t have to deal with her attitude when I was getting ready, but that may not go over too well. LOL. Should I just give her the generic thank yous for “being part of our special day” etc. even though it clearly is not sincere?
Post # 3
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
How about “thank you for sharing the day with us?”
Strictly speaking, if she only attended, didn’t play a role in the wedding and didn’t get you a gift, she’s not owed a thank you so you could just send the ty to your Mother-In-Law.
Post # 4
Member
457 posts
Helper bee
I got married in August as well, and in the same situation as you. You can read my horror stories about my Mother-In-Law and SIL in the family section. My mother in law gave a card to my husband only and included a gift card to home depot ( he is a contractor) my sil gave us a card but refused to sign HER name so she put her dogs names…we felt that after drama and no support and basically cutting them out, we werent going to send them Thank You cards, the did their damnest to try to ruin the wedding, so to me why thank them for that. We sent back the GC his mother gave him so it solved our problem of having to send a Thank You.
We are only sending Thank You to people who gave a card or a gift.
I’m not sure you really need to send a Thank You to someone that attending but made it hell for you but didn’t give a card or a gift. I say don’t send her anything
Post # 5
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
How about, “thank you for all that you didn’t do.” (I.e. be even worse than what you were that day!) 
Post # 6
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
I would just kill her with kindness. “Thanks for sharing our special day with us, it meant so much to both of us that you were there.”
Post # 7
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
Thanks for the advice all. We are sending out TYs to everyone that attended b/c it was a pretty small wedding and just about everyone was from out of town, so I did want to thank them.
We are sending the mom a Thank You and they live in the same house, so it will be weird (and very obvious) not to send the sister one or address the card to her as well. I don’t want to make things worse btwn us — the thing is, she says she is happy and supportive, but in reality she is just quite immature & really tried to draw as much attn/ energy onto her as possible.
I think I will go with the killing with kindness approach a la artbee. She may recognize it as insincere, but she can’t say that we didn’t try!
Post # 8
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
I agree with Artbee. A Thank You note is not the time to call her out for her immature behavior. So send her the generic thank you.
Post # 9
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
i also agree with artbee. kill her with kindness.