Post # 1
I’m spending Thanksgiving with DH’s family this year – and since the decision has been made, I’ve been avoiding my mother. She typically gives me a guilt trip when our family isn’t together on hoildays (saying, it’s such a shame we can’t be together, it’s so sad, blah blah blah).
Does anyone have a nice ‘hallmark-esque’ response to give to my well-meaning, but guilt-trip driven mother? 🙂
I guess it wouldn’t matter so much if I wasn’t feeling a tad guilty. I know I can’t be in two places at the same time, but even pointing out that we will share ‘x’ holiday, doesn’t seem to help!
I also don’t want to promise future holidays – eg: oh, we’ll spend Thanksgiving together next year – because I don’t know if that’s reality.
Any and all ideas are appreciated!
Post # 3
Not sure if this will help or not, but could you slip away for 5 minutes and give her a call on Thanksgiving Day to let her know you’re thinking of her and the family? I did this the first time we spent Christmas with my FI’s family and I know my mom really appreciated it. And it made me feel a little better about not being with my family as well.
Post # 4
@bellasperanza: That’s a good point and reminder for the day of – thanks! 🙂 Now to just get past the pre-holiday guilt trip… 😉
Post # 5
I like to focus on who WILL be there – like “yeah, it sucks; wish i could be there, but at least you’ll get to see xxx again! it’s been so long!” and usually it then spirals into a conversation about xxx. or if she has a favourite dish “yeah, i’m sad i won’t be there for your famous xxx” – devolves into a conversation about how she’s planning on tweaking the recipe, all the errands she needs to run before company comes over… if you have her focusing on the positive and how excited she is about other aspects, she won’t have time to focus on her disappointment re: your absence.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I don’t tolerate my Mother’s attempts at guilt tripping me. I just tell her to knock it off because she isn’t helping the situation. It’s all about setting boundaries.
Post # 7
Try changing the topic back to her. Ask her how she and your Dad split up holidays when they first got married/ what dinner with her in-laws was like etc. She may be less upset about it if she remember that at some point she was in the same situation and had to navigate holidays with two sets of families in two different places.
Post # 8
It sucks when parents do this. I think the best thing to do is let her vent and get it out of her system. Say mom things are changing and we have to share holidays now it isn’t fair to inlaws.
Although I think it would be fair and better to switch off holidays, unless you guys plan on spending christmas with them. Because it gives her something to look forward too, and it’s fair to both sides of the family. Is there a reason why you guys couldn’t go next year?
I also think the important thing to do is bring up the fact that she probably no longer goes to her parents every year, and it’s a natural part of growing up, she did it, your dad did it. Its hard to argue againist that.