(Closed) What to say to disappointed parents? – spending holidays w SO/DH's side

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Not sure if this will help or not, but could you slip away for 5 minutes and give her a call on Thanksgiving Day to let her know you’re thinking of her and the family? I did this the first time we spent Christmas with my FI’s family and I know my mom really appreciated it. And it made me feel a little better about not being with my family as well.

Post # 5
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

I like to focus on who WILL be there – like “yeah, it sucks; wish i could be there, but at least you’ll get to see xxx again! it’s been so long!” and usually it then spirals into a conversation about xxx. or if she has a favourite dish “yeah, i’m sad i won’t be there for your famous xxx” – devolves into a conversation about how she’s planning on tweaking the recipe, all the errands she needs to run before company comes over… if you have her focusing on the positive and how excited she is about other aspects, she won’t have time to focus on her disappointment re: your absence.

Post # 6
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I don’t tolerate my Mother’s attempts at guilt tripping me. I just tell her to knock it off because she isn’t helping the situation. It’s all about setting boundaries.

Post # 7
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Try changing the topic back to her. Ask her how she and your Dad split up holidays when they first got married/ what dinner with her in-laws was like etc.  She may be less upset about it if she remember that at some point she was in the same situation and had to navigate holidays with two sets of families in two different places.  

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It sucks when parents do this. I think the best thing to do is let her vent and get it out of her system. Say mom things are changing and we have to share holidays now it isn’t fair to inlaws.

Although I think it would be fair and better to switch off holidays, unless you guys plan on spending christmas with them. Because it gives her something to look forward too, and it’s fair to both sides of the family. Is there a reason why you guys couldn’t go next year?

I also think the important thing to do is bring up the fact that she probably no longer goes to her parents every year, and it’s a natural part of growing up, she did it, your dad did it. Its hard to argue againist that.

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