(Closed) what to say to dismiss a bm?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would still tell her face to face. Maybe in public so she can’t go ballistic. I am usually a poster that advises people not to do this, but if you are willing to lose the friendship over this and go your seperate ways then I would do it. You don’t want to look back and have her in the pictures.

ETA: I would only do this if you won’t see each other regularly at mutual friends’ get togethers and it could be a clean cut.

Post # 5
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

…Did she actually accept to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man, or did she just storm out on you? 

Post # 6
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Au Jardin:  This was my question too. If she never accepted, then you don’t have to dismiss her.

Post # 8
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@nutMeg13:  If you haven’t spoken since October, she may have assumed she isn’t a bridesmaid any longer. If she asks you anything wedding related, then I would tell her how you feel. Otherwise, it may be better to keep the distance. 

Post # 9
8669 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Could you maybe change the title of your post- dismiss makes you sound really entitled (not saying you are just that it will be like honey to flies).

Asking a Bridesmaid or Best Man to step down is a friendship ending move and since it seems you want to end the friendship I would be honest with her. But the fact remains that you knew what she was like when you asked her so why did you do it? (not being snarky I am always interested to know what motivates people)


Post # 10
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

She sounds super mature. I’d just politely tell her that you’ve decided to decrease the size of the bridal party. Since you’re already prepared for the fall-out, it shouldn’t be too bad!

Post # 11
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would be honest with her or else she’s going to keep coming in and out of your life.  Especially since you don’t want her at the wedding at all. 

Something like “I’ve been disappointed with how our friendship has gone.  I don’t believe that we wish the best for each other anymore and I think it would be best if we end our friendship.  This would also mean it’s best that you don’t attend the wedding.”

She will respond.  Angrily.  But the key here is to cut off all communication after you send the message.  Do not respond to texts or emails.  Delete/block her from facebook. 

If you really want her out of your life, being blunt is the only way to go.



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