(Closed) What to say to people who act rude about our long engagement?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Tell them what I have been telling people… If you want to pay 20,000 for a wedding plus find me and my fiancee a home of our own and pay for that, then we will do it now….Until then, See you October 2012.

That usually shuts them up and shuts them down…..LOL

Post # 35
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I get this all the time, and I just try to take it in good humour.  On the day we get married, we’ll have been engaged for exactly 7 years.  I just explain to people that we got engaged at 17, wanted to travel, went to different universities and needed to save up before we could afford to get married.  I must admit, it’s been so much easier since we booked our venue, because I think some people didn’t really take our relationship seriously before then.

Post # 36
Member
3615 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are just about a year into our 2 year 1 month engagement…it’s been torturous …even more so that Future Sister-In-Law got engaged after us and is getting married before us…(she’s going to be 31, and the grooms parents are in their 70’s-80’s) so we just brush it off and say out of respect we’re waiting, and saving a ton of money for our house.  People leave it alone..

 

Can’t believe we’re about a year away!  It goes by so fast!

Post # 37
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I have a standing answer. ” would you like to help pay for our wedding? No? Then mind your business. “

Thate reserved for the people who will not leave me alone about it. Everyone elce gets 

” we would like to finish our doctorate degrees first. I know it sounds like a lot a time bu when you factor in internships, practicums and thesises…. It’s noT”

Post # 38
Member
444 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would go with the good old “STFU”.

Also just my 2 cents about what you said about wedding planning while finishing school… I am an excellent excellent student, I have a 4.0 and work 3 jobs (not trying to be boastful, I’m just setting the scene) and ever since we got engaged I’ve been having the HARDEST time being dedicated to my school work. We’re talking like skipping studying entirely, half assing papers, blowing off group meetings- the whole 9 yards. It is SO hard to do something like read a text book when there are fun tiny wedding details to plan. 

I’m not saying I wouldn’t plan during college because I don’t regret it at all, but I just wanted to give you my experience as something to think about. 

Post # 39
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh wow, I can’t believe anyone would so rude as to judge someone’s relationship based on the planned date of their wedding. I’d probably be very blunt and say something along the lines of:

“Lucky for me, the legitimacy and validation of my relationship neither rests upon your approval or opinions.”but then, my brain-to-mouth-filter doesn’t always work properly.

Also, try to keep in mind that these types of situations are “Mind over Matter i.e. “You shouldn’t mind, because they don’t matter”

Goodluck and sorry you’re having to deal with this at all.

Post # 40
Member
461 posts
Helper bee

What is up with people, seriously? They act as if real life considerations (school, debt, illness, moving, money) just don’t apply to them. Is it so hard to understand that everyone has a different situation? I can’t even imagine behaving like that. If someone isn’t married, I don’t ask why–at most, if it’s the kind of question I can ask comfortably, might ask if they’d ever thought of it, not when. Same thing for kids; I never assume people want or don’t want any, if I ask at all, it’s just “do you want kids?” I’ve got friends from all walks of life–married, single, divorced, sworn off relationships, gay, straight, want kids, don’t want kids, and mixes of those–and would never presume to know their plans without asking first. Sheesh.

You can never please people. If you’re single, they give you crap about not having someone. If you’re dating for a long time, why aren’t you engaged? Why would you marry this loser? then why aren’t you married yet? When are you going to have kids? Are you breastfeeding?? When is your next kid? Why do you have so many kids?

Post # 41
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I haven’t been engaged long (only 2 weeks), but we’re planning a long engagement to save money for the wedding we want.  It’s nobody’s business, but since it’s a new engagement, we mostly get asked if we set a date yet.  We have 2 dates picked out (Oct 2013, or Jan 2014), but we haven’t booked anything and we want to enjoy being engaged for a while.  I just tell people “we’re in no hurry,” or “what’s the rush?”  Some of them actually answer with “don’t you want to be maarrrriiiied” or “don’t you want to start a family” and I respond with the same thing, and tell them those are just not priorities yet.  I waited 30 years to find him – a 20 month engagement is nothing.

Post # 42
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Colonial Country Club, Ft. Myers, FL

I’ve been engaged almost a full year already and we’re getting married in Feb.

I’ve heard it ALL, from “Well I know so-and-so, and she got engaged after you and got married already” to “Are you pregnant?”

This comes mostly from my patients and random people. My answer is always, “Because we feel like it” Lol!

Post # 43
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I don’t think there is anything wrong with a long engagement.  My Fiance proposed to me Dec. 23, 2011.  Because of the fact that we’re paying for it ourselves, we set our date to Nov. 3, 2013.  And it gives us some leeway as far as planning.  In most situations, the ones being the most judgmental are those who are either not dating anyone at all, single, with someone but miserable, or upset because no one has “put a ring” on it.  You will get complaints no matter what you decide.  If it were a shorter engagement, people would say things about that as well.

Do what you feel is right and what makes you happy.  Stick to your guns! Cool

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