(Closed) What to say to the no shows- VENT!!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
567 posts
Busy bee



Iwould be pissed too.  I’m not enaged yet but I know mywedding would be frugal, and I would be very keen only to pay for those who will actually come.  I guess what is annoying is the fact people who are in 2 minds or not really decided on coming say yes, meaning you pay for their food, and then they don’t even explain why they are not coming.  Of course ou will have people who genuinely cannot make it due to emergencies or personal circumstances…. but not over 40 people who RSVP’d!


I hope your wedding day was marvellous regardless.

Post # 4
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I wouldn’t say anything but I would re-think the extent of your friendship with these people in the future. If they RSVP’d yes then couldn’t even be bothered attending your wedding, unless it was due to some personal emergency, are these really the sort of people you want in your lives?


Post # 5
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Wow I would be highly offended and upset.

Consider the importance of these people in your life, and cut them loose.

Post # 7
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow, that is a LOT of no-shows – fourty out of ninety people who RSVPd yes didn’t show up???? Gahhh I would lose my mind.  However, there’s really nothing you can say to them, unfortunately.  Like PPs have said, it depends who these people are, but if they’re just friends, I don’t think I would consider them as such anymore (ASSUMING there were no legitimate reasons).


Post # 8
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@hjesnic05:  did something happen? I have heard of 1 or 2, but 40 makes me wonder if there is something going on in the family? Was there something casual about the invite? It is very strange. 

Post # 9
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

 There has got to be something to this. How does even the best man not show??  We had 2 groups no show.  One told me a few days in advance,  but it was after we’d already paid and made special arrangements for them and their excuse was nonsensical.  We haven’t spoken since. The other was some of dh’s  family that I didn’t even want to invite in the first place so I was thrilled. I only wish that we haven’t seen them since!

Post # 10
1159 posts
Bumble bee

@hjesnic05:  Just out of curiosity. How far in advance was your RSVP to your wedding date?

Post # 11
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Holy f— how did FORTY people not show?!

Post # 12
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@hjesnic05:  WHOA. Did the best man have a good excuse? Has your Darling Husband spoken to him since?

Post # 14
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

what to say to them?! won’t you be too busy beating them with a large stick to talk?

i joke of course but seriously, that is a lot of people. it would definitely affect my friendship with them in the future unless they had a valid reason

Post # 15
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That is a huge percentage! I think rule of thumb is, 20% of people who RSVP’d won’t show…or is it 20% of the people you invited won’t show??? Either way OP, 40 Out 90 people is ridiculous. Usually I tell the bride to think about those that came, and those who didn’t missed out on a beautiful day, and ultimately that is what matters. Nevertheless, that number is disturbing. OP, where were the biggest group of no shows from? Co-workers, family, hs friends? I am asking because maybe something from that group happened? Either way, those people owe you an explanation, and don’t let them make you feel bad for asking. Hear them out, and if it’s a legitimate reason, you can accept that. If it is a bullshit excuse, I would consider getting some new friends. Now, if it’s family, it is more complicated. When someone in my family doesn’t support me, I don’t get mad, I just return the favor. The beauty is that they can say nothing because they know damn well why I didn’t show to something…but maybe I am just petty like that. Either way OP, hold your head up high at work, and don’t give wedding details to people that didn’t come. They missed out on your lovely day, they can continue to not be privy to your amazing day. Congrats Mrs.!

Post # 16
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

That is outrageous.  Vent away.  Were these mostly co-workers?  Could a group of them have screwed up the date?  Thought it was next month or next year?  Were they invited by way of written invitation the same way as everyone else or online?  Was there a typo?  

I think I would call to make sure someone  wasn’t  in a “terrible accident”  or had some kind of emergency.  You were “concerned.”  I know it sounds  passive aggressive, because obviously 40 people didn’t have last minute trips to the ER,   but if I had one  no show I would be legitimately concerned and I really would  call. I’d remain polite no matter what they say, but if there was no good excuse or it wasn’t an honest mistake, I’m sure it would influence my view of that person. 

Either there was a really big whopper of a mistake, or you really need some new friends.  

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