(Closed) What to say to univited guests

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m not sure you have to say anything, when they do or don’t get an invitation, it should be clear that they are or aren’t invited.

Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I think if they are saying something that is obvious that shows they are assuming they are invited you should say something, but only if you think they are assuming they will be invited.

I would mention politely that the venue has a person limit and you are working hard to finilize the list.  Then when it is finalized and invites have gone out, then you hopefully wont have to say anything because they will not have received one.

Post # 5
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I hate when people assume, ugh! You will more than likely need to say something or have someone else be the bad guy. When you invite that many people I think you need to be clear, otherwise you have a chance of it becoming a guest list disaster..  Could you send out a second string of invitations? I wish I had sent mine out a few weeks early so I could have done that.

Post # 6
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Jerseygirl23: Im thinking of doing this.  How would you time it out so you could accomplish it without being obvious?

Post # 7
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, I think my invites went out August 25th ish.. (My Mother-In-Law addressed them all so I’m not sure on the exact date) My RSVP date was October 1st, wedding October 23 and come Oct 1st I was still waiting for almost half of my RSVP’s… I thought that sending them out 8 weeks before the wedding was more than enough time. I ended up sending my last 10 invites out but it wasn’t until 2 weeks before the wedding and I felt like a huge jerk and had to make phone calls acting as if they were returned to me with the wrong address. I would suggest 12 weeks, people who are on the fence about coming don’t RSVP until the last minute.

Where do you live in MI? I am from there too! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ah, this started this weekend and my Future Mother-In-Law said…”Be prepared, it’s going to get ugly.” We are planning a super small wedding so I know there will be some hurt feelings, but it’s what fiance and I want. A couple of people have already invited themselves to our wedding and have said things like, “I’ll be a bridesmaid” or “I better be a groomsman” (geez, I hope they’re not serious). I don’t think it’s too forward for you to say that you are still working on a guest list and mention the venue size. I am letting people know that we are keeping it small.

Post # 9
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Jerseygirl23: Thanks!  I live by Ann Arbor/Brighton but I’m from the Lansing area.  You?

Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@inamani: I would try to send out the 1st set of invitations to people you absolutely want or need there.  2nd flight should go to guests that you want but dont have to have.  dont worry about hurting their feelings.  I dont think you should have to explain yourself.  AT least they are getting invited!

Post # 12
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Don’t worry about when they receive them you can always blame the USPS! If you get approached about it just deflect for as long as you can, have your Mom say something like, “I’m not sure, I wasn’t in charge of the guest list” or just avoid people calls/emails until you can give them an answer.. It takes balls for people to approach someone about being invited to a wedding, you owe them nothing and they should understand that if you aren’t answering calls or emails that you are just plain busy.. I can’t imagine planning a wedding for 400 people…

Post # 13
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@missmichigan: I was born in Novi but grew up in Grand Rapids. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We are having a small wedding (for a catholic family) and had to not invite high school buddies, and some casual friends who really probably would just get trashed and make more problems. I have gotten at LEST 10 emails from ppl who are not invited saying “cant wait to be there, whens the date?” My first responce was; “we have not decided on all of the wedding details like guest list and such, hope you understand” a few persistant ones I had to finally say “sorry, but we are sticking to a very intimate wedding, I know you understand.”

I just dont post ANYTHING online about the wedding or date, and explain to the few friends that we are keeping it small, and hope they understand not bringing anyone who was not invited. It would not surprise me to have a few party crashers, and you should know, if they have the guts to invite themselves with out a invite in hand, they might have the guts to just show.

Post # 15
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I would have vaguely said nothing in response to your neighbour as he may of just been referring to looking forward to seeing your photos and hearing about the event.  Unless someone directly asks if they are getting invited, you don’t have to respond. 

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