(Closed) What to say when people ask about sex?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

OMG!!! I have never heard of anyone asking about sex?! WHO DOES THAT?! That’s just gross and M and I do have sex but I’m sure he’d knock his friends’ block off if they asked about our sex life and those types of things.  That’s insane.

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I always just smile and say I don’t kiss and tell. That will usually do the trick.

Post # 5
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your decision with your fiance is a very personal one.  I give you kudos because I don’t think I could wait until we were married.

If people ask you about it, I would just tell them it’s a personal question and drop it there.  People will talk and people always assume, so if they say something that makes you feel awkward, do your best to let it slide right off your shoulders and just change the topic.  I know, I know, easier said than done.

Best of luck.

Post # 6
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Oh man, that’s frustrating..  Luckily this isn’t something I have experienced personally, unless it’s with friends who we’re really close with.  But for his coworkers to say stuff like that… Well it’s a bit disrespectful and rude. 

If you’re not comfortable telling people you don’t have sex, then I would just say something like: “That’s not a topic I share with other people.” or something like that.  It’s kind of blunt, but it gets the message across and the person probably wouldn’t say something again.

By the way, I respect your choice immensely.  Good for you!

Post # 7
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Honestly, I would assume that an engaged couple is having sex, unless I know they are very religious.  But I would never think that it was appropriate to ask them about their sex life, especially in mixed company.  Tessabella’s response is perfect.

Post # 9
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

I did have someone come up to me yesterday and say, “So, you knocked up yet?” Surprised

It really took me by surprise and I had no response at the ready.  I should have said, “oh you didn’t get the memo?” or “Well, I haven’t told Mr. DG yet, but since you asked…”

Sheesh!  It’s a really personal thing and might not be easy road to conception…  Some people have no tact!

Post # 10
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

In this day and age I think everyone assumes that adults who have been dating a long time have sex.  So don’t get offended about that.  The choice you have made is commendable and very personal, and honestly it’s no ones business but your own.  I agree that a witty, pointed comment like Tessas is in order.  It gets the point across that it is none of their business. 

Post # 11
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I woud have been equally offended by anyone who thought we had sex before marriage, but most of the people in my normal circles would assume we hadn’t so thankfully I didn’t have that problem.

Because I have firm beliefs about this, i think I would have stated that we were waiting until marriage.  Because I wasn’t the least be embarrassed about it.  But depending on the audience, I might just say, “That’s really none of your business, is it?”

Regardless of your decision it’s a rude question–I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with it!

 

Post # 12
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

That’s no one’s business but your own.

Post # 13
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Ask them how their sex life is in return.  🙂  I really feel like inappropriate questions deserve inappropriate answers.  Of course, I hear the questions only get more personal and uncomfortable when it comes to conception and pregnancy… 

Ok, after I wrote that I want to add that some of those people who were inappropriate probably didn’t mean to offend you, especially if sex before marriage in common in your social groups.  Not that it’s any of their business, but my friends and I sometimes make inappropriate jokes.  I don’t mean to offend them; I’m just being immature, like you said.  

Like last weekend I was teasing a co-worker for not coming out to the bar with us after the local roller derby match.  Turns out he is Mormon and it’s against his personal beliefs to drink alcohol or be around people drinking.  I felt like a complete jerk.  Not that he should’ve felt pressured to tell me what his specific beliefs are, but I also wasn’t saying it to offend him.  I immediately appologized to my co-worker after he told me, but I still felt bad.  Some people (like me!) just have a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Post # 14
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Bizzare! I can’t believe people are asking about that; it’s SO rude and SO not their business! Even if you had been having sex, can you imagine what kind of guy would actually answer the question about how “engagement sex” was??? Ew. I feel gross now.

I would just say, “That’s personal” and leave it at that, because it’s true and it should shut down further conversation about it. Seriously, what is WRONG with some people?

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

WOW that is incredibly presumptuous. Even though it’s incredibly rude, I think it is bothering you more simply b/c it is completely untrue. And let’s face it, we all hate when people make incorrect snap judgements about us. Such is life though.

You could ask said rude person, “would you care to know what i had for breakfast, too?” (i’d probably say, “would you care to know how my morning poop went, too? really?” in order to show that that was indeed inappropriate

I think you just need to say “well, that’s none of your business”. You don’t need to defend yourself or launch into why you aren’t (same goes for anyone else who is), it’s the plain and simple fact that you don’t need to explian your choices to anyone, especially Joe Blow.

That being said, if these are people that DO know you, take it in stride. I joke around with my friends, too and give them good-natured crap for stuff all the time. I can thankfully say no stranger has come up and said that to me, though! I would easily say, “wow, my sex life is not something I discuss with others” which is perfectly true, isnt it?

Oh gosh, “how” is the sex is just….ew.

Post # 16
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow, regardless of the status of such private activities its not their business! I imagine that they don’t even realize they are being rude.

 

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