- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2018
First off, let me start by saying that I LOVE my husband very much and I love being married to him. He is amazing.
That being said….I kind of hated my wedding. I haven’t admitted that outright to anyone because I didn’t want to offend any of my friends and family since it’s not something that anyone can do about it now, but it was pretty awful. 3 close (but not immediate) family members died within 2 days of the wedding, so about half of our guests couldn’t make it. The ceremony that we had carefully designed to balance our family’s beliefs with our own values was basically thrown out and turned into an improvised ceremony by the officiant…I honestly don’t even remember my own vows. His dad (deaths were on his mom’s side) decided not to come to the wedding at the last minute because of car trouble, even after several people offered to go pick him up or rent him a car/pay for uber. His dad has always been super supportive of our relationship, so it wasn’t a protest-the-wedding kind of deal. His dad has just gotten more flaky over the years; he just didn’t feel like coming. It was very hurtful for my husband, which of course made me angry because he was hurting. Anyway, so that was a lot of horrible emotions mixed into the yay-I’m-marrying-the-love-of-my-life emotions we were both feeling. Then my mother just went absolutely insane…like, by the end of the reception the vendors, wedding party, and her immediate family would all find an excuse to leave the room if she entered it. She was trying to coordinate things that weren’t planned and didn’t make any sense. For example, she decided to set up an impromptu face painting booth for the kids at the reception. (Potentially cute idea if planned and in a different setting.) She didn’t have face paint or brushes so she was trying to set up the booth using acrylic paint she found in her trunk and the cotton swabs from my makeup bag. I spent half the reception either avoiding her or trying to redirect her; it sucked. Three of my bridesmaids, including my maid of honor, went to change out of their dresses after the first dance and just never came back. They missed the other special dances and the cake cutting, and because they were gone we didn’t have any toasts. Plus, I didn’t get to dance with them or hang out with them or anything during the reception. I spent most of the morning of the wedding being emotional support for my mother, my husband, a few cousins, and my mom’s friend I had just met. I’m happy to help people, and they were all going through some tough stuff, but I didn’t have a moment to be excited about getting married.
I keep thinking that maybe we should have postponed, but honestly I don’t know that it really would have been much better if we had. Family that did come wouldn’t have been able to afford a second trip, and the other issues were related to personalities not so much timing. All we wanted was to be able to celebrate the start of our life together with our family and closest friends, but our day was not about us, there was very little celebrating, and at the end of the day I cried because of how devastating the whole thing was.
It’s been about two weeks now, and people keep asking me how the wedding was…or people that went tell me how lovely it was. I don’t know how to respond. I don’t really want to lie but I also don’t want to get into it with someone I’m not super close with about how horrible it was. I’ve kind of settled on “I don’t really remember much; everything happened so fast it’s all a blur.”
Any other bees hate their wedding day? How did you handle the post-wedding questions?