(Closed) What to wear to an all white wedding??

posted 6 years ago in Dress
Post # 61
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130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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observer:  I never said it would get my marriage to a better start I’m just saying you chose the theme for your wedding that you want eveyone already knows about the color and is fine with it but I’m having a very small wedding so I made sure to talk to everyone. So don’t be over dramatic no one has to leave the wedding if they were ivory or peach I’m just saying the bride has certain expectations and having an all white wedding isnt so easy.

Post # 62
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130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Daisy_Mae:  how is that gross? It’s a fact there are dress codes for numerous reasons so no one will stand out its been that way since elementary school ? I didn’t mean to sound rude I’m just trying to put the brides side into all of this she shouldnt have requested a white dress code if she knew her family and friends wouldn’t be okay with it. Mine are completely on my side and if the guests don’t want to wear white at this particular wedding mentioned then don’t all be it for me to tell you what to wear I’m just saying it doesn’t make the bried a bad person for wanting things to be organized and in the color scheme she had been planning it to be.

Post # 63
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3721 posts
Sugar bee

 

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honeymuffin:  Certainly not easy for the guests.  I’m struck by your double standard that the bride shouldn’t have to wear white…but the guests do!

Merely making the point to you that the colour of your guest attire won’t enrich your marriage. So really, is it that important?  I’m very glad nobody will be ostracised for a violation of the colour code.  That would really sour your day. Hope you don’t feel upset if someone rolls up in “your” colour

 I am pleased you are talking to all 100 guests about this. If the reaction on this thread is any indication, I think you’ll be in for some interestng conversations

Post # 64
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6532 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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honeymuffin:  Oh honey, don’t compare a kid’s school uniform to a bride’s “request” for her guests to wear a specific color. There’s a mile of difference between the two.  School systems opt for uniforms to decrease the chance for bullying, prevent kids from wearing gang colors, and help alleviate the financial burden of clothing the children because parents don’t have to stay on top of fashion trends. These are all good things for the kids.  I’m told that removing the distractions of fashion and bullying makes it easier for kids to focus and learn their grammar and punctuation lessons.

Putting your guests in uniforms doesn’t benefit the guests AT ALL.  It’s just to satisfy the bride’s “vision” and it’s a very shabby way to treat the guests.  I am going to assume your guests are not going to bully each other or roll up flashing gang colors so there really is no reason to do this.

Also, a dress code is not the same as requesting a specific color. A dress code merely describes the level of formality, such as “business casual” or “cocktail attire.”  

 

Post # 65
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1742 posts
Bumble bee

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hisqueentobe:  When my friends entertain me at the level that Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union entertained their guests, or that someone like Truman Capote, who spent what would be six figures in modern dollars to throw his themed parties, entertained his guests at (and, perhaps more importantly, if I had the money that most people invited to those sorts of parties have, so it wouldn’t be a burden for me to go buy clothes in colors I hate and never wear, like white), I’ll start thinking about acquiesing to really specific attire requests.  Maybe.

Sorry, obligation’s a two-way street.  If you’re throwing a basic beach/country club/Jersey wedding factory/barn/[insert typical venue here] wedding then you aren’t going above and beyond enough to get the right to try and dress me up like a paper doll.  You gotta be putting something way more interesting together to entice me to play along with some dress up vision.  Sorry.

Post # 66
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1465 posts
Bumble bee

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Horseradish:  Absolutely agree that the comparison of a school dress code and a bride’s “oh its my special day and you have to dress the way I want you to for my pictures” white wedding.  I find the request absolutely rude and obnoxious.  Nothing says you value my relationship with you like “please wear white to my wedding so my pictures are really cool and I can stand out in a different color.”  Insecure much?

Post # 67
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Solange Knowles (Beyonce’s sister) had an all white wedding and it looked gorgeous: https://www.google.com/search?q=solange+knowles+wedding&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjky4us1tHKAhWDuxQKHXr3D28Q_AUIBygB&biw=1257&bih=557#imgrc=DhsjZP2-1SkE6M%3A

I’d say go for something sleek, simple, modern, either knee length or midi length.  Not too much embellishment.  Something like a simple sheath dress, tank dress, or suit would work.

I don’t have an issue at all with wearing white at a wedding if the bride requests it, I have several simple white dresses in my closet already which would do the trick.  I don’t understand the drama at all.

Post # 68
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Why so much drama? It’s a fun idea like a wig party — not everyone has one in their closet, some people will buy what is necessary to fit the theme, some won’t and will attend, some won’t and won’t attend. Going for a shorter dress will ensure less of a bridal feel. If you’re seriously worried, talk to the bride & groom. Surely they can either explain their vision or tell you not to stress about it. If you’re turning traditions on their ear like this your wedding is likely more on the “fun party celebrating love” end of the spectrum as opposed to “serious covenant religious sacrement” end of the spectrum, so I’d lighten up about the whole thing. Clothes are very inexpensive in the US (where OP is located as far as I can tell) and either it’s worth it to you to attend in dress code or not. I second Modcloth and also RTR, but keep in mind sometimes RTR dresses aren’t available when you need them, so have a back up plan!! Good luck & I hope you -have fun- celebrating with your friend, or comfy at home (:

Post # 69
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110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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MarriedToMyWork:  To each their own but that sounds silly to me.  If I was invited to their wedding, it is because they care about me and I care about them.  The amount of “entertainment” they can provide me has absolutely no bearing.  I’m just there to share in their happiness.  If they request that I wear white, *for me* it is no big deal.  Whatever I can do to help contribute to their joy that day.  If that’s not the same for you, then I’m sure your circle of friends are similar and wouldn’t even be the type to request it from you.

As for buying an outfit, a lot of women buy a new outfit for an event regardless of the color/wardrobe requests.  Also, in this day and age it is too easy to rent an outfit for very little out of pocket.  Rent the Runway has some options for as low as $30.

 

Post # 70
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6532 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

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eastcoastmost:  there is a  difference in social context and emotional investment between a wig party and a wedding. For example, there is a low emotional investment in a wig party so it is easy for someone to decline if they can’t afford a wig or just don’t like dress-up games, but a high emotional investment in a wedding, leaving the guests with less actual choice to decline.  You can have fun, happy weddings without treating your guests like they’re children who aren’t capable of dressing themselves. 

By the way, I’m tired of the excuse that “it’s okay to demand all-white because everyone buys new outfits for weddings anyway”  because, frankly, that’s not true— lots of people do not go buy a new outfit for a wedding, and of those that do, they choose something they might actually wear again. A white outfit would be a complete waste of money for me. Whether it would be rented or bought, high fashion or thrift store. I am not alone in not wearing white.

I will indulge a bride’s reasonable request, but this isn’t reasonable.

Post # 71
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8363 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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raspberrybidet:  “Beyonce’s sister did it” is a reason NOT to do something. Same with any Kardashian. Most celebrites are literal attention whores — they are paid to make themselves the most visible person in the room. Admittedly, I’m not personal friends with any celebrities, but it sure seems as if most of them see themselves as the only person in the world who matters, and everyone else is only valuable insofar as they make the celeb look or feel good. So when you say “go ahead — SHE did it!” you’re saying “go ahead, act like a self-absorbed attention-seeking drama queen!”

And I agree with Horseradish and anyone else who mentioned that a wedding is more important that a regular old party. People are going to try harder to attend a wedding, so it’s super-shitty to make it even harder or to make it unpleasant. I am all for non-traditional, but “selfish” and “inconsiderate” aren’t “non-traditional.” They’re just selfish and inconsiderate.

Post # 72
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1742 posts
Bumble bee

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hisqueentobe:   It’s true that no one in my circle of friends has ever made this type of request.  We believe that we are being honored when someone takes time out of their lives to attend something like a wedding (which, as PP have exhaustively pointed out, is an invitation that carries a ton of social pressure to accept and to kowtow to the wedding couple in every way)–merely accepting the invitation is the sign that they care, much as us inviting them was the sign that we care. 

As PP said, many women own plenty of acceptable clothes for a wedding.  I own a wide variety of pieces that I can easily wear to any event short of a white tie affair.  My clothes are well made and properly altered and tailored to my body–I have neither the need nor the desire to rent some dress that will look, at best, “meh” on me because it isn’t properly altered just because someone thinks they’re the second coming of Kim Kardashian or saw some photo set on a blog somewhere.

ETA: I edited my first paragraph because it came off harsher than I wanted.  There’s something about people doing this (making these sartorial requests of their guests) that just really drives me nuts.  In doing so, a wedding couple is making so many assumptions about the pocketbooks of their guests.  They’re also assuming that their guests who aren’t rich are OK participating in disposable fashion culture (which many people have very reasonable ethical and environmental objections to).  And they’re also exploiting the fact that, for some reason, a lot of people think that no one should ever tell a bride or groom no.  It’s just really distasteful to me.

Post # 73
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3721 posts
Sugar bee

 

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MarriedToMyWork:  With you all the way on this one.  It oversteps the mark.

Post # 74
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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MarriedToMyWork:  I wasn’t going to reply to your original post b/c it was overly aggressive IMO.  I’m still trying to figure out why you replied directly to me anyway since all I originally said was that I’ve heard of it before, have seen pictures from another wedding and thought it was pretty.  I’ve never been to an all-white wedding and I’m not having one yet you seem really up in arms about it.  But since your edit, the only useful thing I can say is that I’m sorry it bugs you so much and I hope if you have any friend or associate that wants to do it, that they know not to invite you.

Post # 75
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3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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jnm_sha:   All I can think is that I am going to spill food on myself and it will really show.   And I dislike being told what to wear.   

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