I’ve been TTC for over 10 years now…that hurts to even say that. I’ve learned A LOT about myself though in the past decade.
1. I go through phases of jealousy. Sometimes I’m ok but other times, I just think (and I know this is horrible) “I KNOW I’m in a better place (relationship, financial, emotional) than them, WHY do they get to be parents?”
2. I’m starting to not have any sympathy for our friends that complain that they are PG with another “oopsie” baby. I want to shake them, slap them, and tell them how they are so absolutely lucky!
3. I had NO patience growing up. GOD had a plan for me to learn…through TTC. After my divorce (mostly due to infertility) I met my Darling Husband. He is the most impatient person I know. I believe it was part of the plan or I wouldn’t have married him because he requires LOTS of patience from me.
4. I have had a high sex drive since I started having sex as a teen. It’s only gotten worse as I get older (almost 38.) I get really sick of people telling me to have sex, unlike them in their sexless marriages, we do NOT have this problem. And most of those “oopsie” babies I was talking about…all conceived around bdays/anniversaries/holidays b/c the husbands admitted they knew the EXACT date she got PG.
5. Some months I get tired of this crap…ready to call it quits. Then someone (usually an older woman) will tell me NOT to give up. I don’t know why it works but it does. Darling Husband tells me I’m the strongest woman he’s ever known.
6. I know this has been brought up before, but I can’t deal with the “just adopt” comments anymore. I tried with my exH and it was devasting. When people say that to me, I feel obligated to tell them my bad experiences. I don’t tell them however that I still have his baby clothes in a box in the basement. I’m still holding onto hope that I will get to use them one day.
7. I’m amazed that I have a little bit of hope left. After doing Clomid, injectables with IUI with my exH, and 2 failed rounds of IVF and still NO answers why I can’t get PG…I know my child will be a true miracle.
8. These boards help me to talk about my infertility struggles b/c IDK anyone IRL that has TTC for a “long” time. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with these crazy feelings 🙂
Thanks to all the bees that help keep me sane!