(Closed) What TTC has taught me

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 17
Member
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

+1 million on the jealousy. I’m embarrassed to say it, but it’s true.  And normal, I think.

My Boyfriend or Best Friend and her husband were never really sure they wanted kids.  The got married a few months after us and decided they did want kids.  What do you know, they started trying and 2 months later, BOOM, they’re expecting.  Then there is us….always wanted a family, have been trying since BEFORE our wedding and 8 cycles later…still no bfp.  ๐Ÿ™

This board has taught me I’m not alone and even though I’ve been waiting for what feels like a long time, there are women who have been waiting a lot longer. 

@MrsBaldEagle:  Thanks for your honesty and starting this thread.

Post # 18
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@CookieCreamCakes:  AMEN to everything you said!! We are on cycle 7 now. I feel the same, especially with your 3rd point, that every month feels like “this should be it!!”… yet it’s not. 

I am also learning most of the same things you ladies have already posted. 

I get very jealous. The other day there was a BFP online, and while very happy for her, I slammed my laptop shut. I just couldn’t look. My husband looked at me like I was crazy. The “why not me?!” thoughts flooded my mind.

I’m scared sh**less that something is wrong with me. They say wait a full year before seeking help, but I don’t think I’ll be able to hold out that long. 

Periods off the pill are KILLER! I keep thinking, if I were pregnant, I wouldn’t have to deal with this crap… but of course there are all the other pregnancy things that happen to your body. 

I am addicted to peeing on sticks. Even when I know it’s irrational, I still do it. :/ Never thought I lacked such self control. Or maybe it is an attempt at control… who knows?

I have no filter. I thought we would keep TTC a secret from friends and family. Yeah, no. That didn’t happen. EVERYONE knows we are trying. 

My husband is WAAAAY more supportive than I thought he would be. I mean, I knew he would be supportive, but his unwavering love and commitment to making this happen is so incredibly endearing. ๐Ÿ™‚ Melts my heart. I can’t wait to see him as a father. 

Post # 19
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@MrsFireChief:  Wow, we are actually very similar. We started TTC in March too. Got my BFP in early October and MCd last day of November. So like you TTC again! I’m almost 35 btw.

I find that I definitely have the green eyed monster. I cant get over the fact that my friend who was trying for one month got pregnant the same month as me and all is fine with her. I would never wish anything bad on her but I can’t get over the fact that all is ok with hers and we lost ours!

I also got phantom symptoms but when I was ku no symptoms!

Post # 20
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve been TTC for over 10 years now…that hurts to even say that. I’ve learned A LOT about myself though in the past decade.

1. I go through phases of jealousy. Sometimes I’m ok but other times, I just think (and I know this is horrible) “I KNOW I’m in a better place (relationship, financial, emotional) than them, WHY do they get to be parents?” 

2. I’m starting to not have any sympathy for our friends that complain that they are PG with another “oopsie” baby. I want to shake them, slap them, and tell them how they are so absolutely lucky!

3. I had NO patience growing up. GOD had a plan for me to learn…through TTC. After my divorce (mostly due to infertility) I met my Darling Husband. He is the most impatient person I know. I believe it was part of the plan or I wouldn’t have married him because he requires LOTS of patience from me.

4. I have had a high sex drive since I started having sex as a teen. It’s only gotten worse as I get older (almost 38.) I get really sick of people telling me to have sex, unlike them in their sexless marriages, we do NOT have this problem. And most of those “oopsie” babies I was talking about…all conceived around bdays/anniversaries/holidays b/c the husbands admitted they knew the EXACT date she got PG. 

5. Some months I get tired of this crap…ready to call it quits. Then someone (usually an older woman) will tell me NOT to give up. I don’t know why it works but it does. Darling Husband tells me I’m the strongest woman he’s ever known. 

6. I know this has been brought up before, but I can’t deal with the “just adopt” comments anymore. I tried with my exH and it was devasting. When people say that to me, I feel obligated to tell them my bad experiences. I don’t tell them however that I still have his baby clothes in a box in the basement. I’m still holding onto hope that I will get to use them one day. 

7. I’m amazed that I have a little bit of hope left. After doing Clomid, injectables with IUI with my exH, and 2 failed rounds of IVF and still NO answers why I can’t get PG…I know my child will be a true miracle. 

8. These boards help me to talk about my infertility struggles b/c IDK anyone IRL that has TTC for a “long” time. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with these crazy feelings ๐Ÿ™‚

Thanks to all the bees that help keep me sane!

 

Post # 21
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

the thing that gets me is – when it finally does happen for us. WHAT.THE.EFF will be different that month? Our timing has been spot on, we’re young(-ish) with no known health issues…what will finally be different the month that it finally happens??

I drive myself crazy thinking about this

Post # 22
Member
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Miss_Magoo82:  I think if we ever figured out what was different that 1 month, we’d all be doing it.  Thats the miracle of life, I guess. 

Post # 24
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsFireChief:  I’m with you on the jealousy, and honestly think that most people are in the same boat, even if they don’t admit it.

 

 

@IAmTheShadow:  Agreed on the control issues. How can this be such a complete gamble? It’s crazy that I had this perceived control over my fertility for so many years by being on BCP, and now here I am just hoping to “get lucky” in more ways than one.
 

Post # 25
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@MrsFireChief:  Thanks for sharing this post! I’m 35 and my Darling Husband is 40. We are both late-bloomers who got married in April 2012. We started TTC in August (but really September because of a move). 

I guess I just figured we wanted it badly enough…so we’d get pregnant. So not true. Like you, my body lies to me every month. It’s crazy how convinced I am each month that I’m pregnant.

Last night I had a breakdown before bed. We’re entering my fertile period and should start BDing ASAP. But something about it just turns me off. I think I just don’t want to go through the high and lows again. It’s exhausting.

Anyway – I really appreciate your thoughts and honesty on the subject. It’s a hard thing to go through…physically, emotionally. I just wanted to say you’re not alone in this. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 26
Member
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - backyard in the woods

I feel you one the jealously. I quit the POAs boards this month in a huff lol. Thank you for starting this thread. It helps to know that there are other out there who understand how heartwrenching and emotional it can be.

1) I really didn’t expect it to be this hard. I talked my husband into trying to TTC early, right on our wedding night, because I knew I had Endometriosis and that can cause female infertility, but it my head I really thought I’d be one of the 80% of women with Endo who have no issues getting preganant. Seven cycles later and I’m trying to figure out what it’s gonna cost us to figure out what we need to do to have a baby. We’re not young either, I’ll be 32 soon and Darling Husband is almost 39.

2) I so wish we could just NTNP because TTC is so stressful, but with my Endo, every month I’m off the pill, my body is basically destroying itself and our chances, bit by bit. I got Stage 2 Endo while being on BC since age 19. It’s not supposed to occur at all if you’re on BC, so what the hell is my body doing to itself off BC? It scares me that it’s taking a long time, and I worry if it takes too long will my body completely destroy our chances?

3) I’ve become really good at dodging the ‘so when are you gonna have kids’ question. Like this past holiday my Aunt started talking about my brother and his Girlfriend being pregnant, and eventually she turned it into “and you’ll have little ones that look a little bit like you and a little bit like him”- meaning Mr. Aqua. I purposely misunderstood her and said- I hope Brother Aqua’s kids don’t look like Mr. Aqua- that would be awkward.

4) Just when I think I know my body, it screws with me. I’ve been charting a few months, and my cycles are always consistant, obvious patterns, exact 15 day LP, AF always on time. This month I ended up almost 3 days late, I know my O date was correct, but I didn’t get AF until nightime of 18DPO. WTF body- that is so not cool.

Post # 27
Member
1009 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I just read this today, and thought I would share.  http://infertilityhonesty.com/  It’s really good.  I wish it were a bit shorter so I could share it with some people who aren’t going through IF.  But this part, which addresses the jealousy thing so many have mentioned, made me giggle:

“Just recently my Mom was sitting beside a pregnant couple, and directly next to the woman, while waiting for my Dad in a doctor’s office waiting room. After pointing out that they seemed like a very nice couple my Mom informed me that the woman kept complaining that she was hungry. My Mom, though not hungry, realized she has a cookie in her purse. So what did she do on my behalf? She unwrapped the cookie as slowly as she possibly could and then ate it as indulgently as she could, enjoying every last morsel, right in the face of poor whiny hungry preggo. ‘I kept thinking, I just HAVE to do this for Sarah,’ she said. It made my day.”

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