Post # 1
My fiance and I are newly engaged (yay!), and one thing I have been asked over and over is, “So are you having an engagement party/bachelorette party/bridal shower/etc.?”
The answer to all is no. Apparently this is a very weird thing for most people, as the next question is inevitably something along the lines of, “Why not?!?!?”
So I’m curious … What type of parties/showers did you have (or do you plan to have)? Is it really that strange that I don’t want anything like this?
To give a bit of background, I’m 28 and my fiance is 30. We’ve been living together for almost 2 years, so we really don’t need much in terms of things for our home. My family is 1000+ miles away from where he and I live. His parents (and quite a bit of his extended family) live in our area, but his two brothers live out of state. I’m only planning to have 3 bridesmaids (my Maid/Matron of Honor is actually going to be my male best friend, but he still counts as 1 of 3!), and he’s planning to have 3 groomsmen (2 of which will be his brothers). Every person in our wedding parties (with the exception of one!) lives a significant distance away.
We both have other good friends in the area (I even vacationed with 2 of my closest friends from our area this past summer!), but feel it would be very rude to expect (or, even worse, ask) our friends and/or his family in the area to throw us some sort of party … Especially if they’re not in the wedding. On the other hand, we also feel like it’s asking way too much of people to fly out to us in order to throw us a big party. I mean, really … These people all have lives (and some even have children!). I feel like it’s enough that we’re asking them to fly here for a wedding, get a hotel, buy a dress/rent a tux, etc.
I actually didn’t think this would be a long post, but I guess this is bothering me a little more than I thought. Please tell me I’m not alone in not having (or even wanting) any sort of engagement/wedding party!
Post # 3
We didn’t do an engagement party either. We did have several showers (family/friends spread across the state) and he had a night out with his groomsmen (they went to Logans and Meijer – exciting lol) but other than that, we didn’t feel a need to have anything else!
Post # 4
Congrats on your engagement! I did not have an engagement party. I just had a bridal shower (two actually, one here and one back home, which is about 200 miles away). I’m thinking of throwing my friend a jack and jill party, but otherwise I don’t think it’s necessary if you don’t want to! I agree it sounds like it would be a little tough for everyone involved.
Post # 5
To be honest, until I came on here, I didn’t know people still did bridal showers (other than on TV)! I’m not a party sort of person, and I don’t see the point in making a big deal out of a wedding and throwing 3-4 separate parties for it. I voted for “None” but there’s a good chance I’ll get dragged into some kind of hens party (hopefully just a junk food and movies kind of party)
Post # 6
We had an engagement party (2 actually) and family who has never been out to see our home in Seattle flew up…and we were able to host our Seattle friends as well. The second e-party was thrown by my family in Idaho and we traveled there.
Other than that we’re not doing any parties and definitely NO showers.
I’m offering my bridesmaids a spa day at the Inn in CA the day before the wedding. It’s up to them if they can add a day to their trip. While we do this the guys (who are all local in CA) will do a hike nearby. Afterward we’ll all meetup for drinks.
We are hosting a rehearsal dinner at the inn the day before the wedding also. All of our guests who are traveling from out of state are being lodged at the Inn on us.
Post # 7
I had a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, a rehearsal dinner and a bridesmaid’s sleepover the night before the wedding.
I’ve never been to or even really heard of anybody i know having an engagement party, and I think if you don’t want/need any home stuff there’s not much reason to have a bridal shower. I went to two that just requested cash and I found that a little annoying.
But, I highly recommend spending some down time with your bridal party at least. We went to bed early, but hanging out in matching pjs with my girls the night before was lots of fun. Not sure how much your male Maid/Matron of Honor would like that though… but maybe you can get drinks after the rehearsal dinner or something.
Post # 8
I’d rather just not have any, but I think we’ll end up doing a joint bachelor/ette party at least
Post # 9
No one has asked anything about us besides the bachelor/bachelorette party. That’s all we are having
Post # 10
We tried to have a bach party but it didn’t work out so we ended up not having any parties. I didn’t see the point in extra parties and since I’m the only one who ever plans these things it would have been more work for me and more money than I cared to spend. Isn’t the reception the party for the wedding anyway? We had our reception and then we had a honeymoon which was more than enough to celebrate for us. hehe
Post # 11
You guys are making me feel a lot better about my decision not to have any parties/showers. I thought I must be really weird or something since everyone seemed so surprised by it. Haha.
@icetea: We’ve talked about paying for rooms for our wedding party (and my mom), but we’ll honestly have to see how everything plays out with the budget. We’re planning to pay for all aspects of the wedding ourselves, so we don’t want to offer anything until we’re 100% sure we’ll be able to make it work. I don’t think they’d expect us to do it, but I’d love to do something nice like that if they’re willing to come to us.
Post # 12
@angelinthesnowxo: I really don’t plan on having any. My SO and I are totally not party people. I have close friends who also aren’t party types.
It’s possible that someone will throw a little something for me/us but I kinda doubt it. We’re eloping so it’s not like I’ll have a ton of bridesmaids (or any for that matter) to plan a bachelorette.
I don’t feel like I’m missing out at all to be honest!
Post # 13
I’m never heard of anyone doing an engagement party here. I want to do a bachelorette but I have a bunch of guy friends too so it might not be very traditional all-girls. A shower… Meh. Sure if someone else plans one!
Post # 14
By “couples shower” do you mean “wedding shower”?