Post # 1
So lately I’ve found myself almost relieved that I’m not engaged. In fact, I’m down right scared about getting married now!
I couldn’t tell you what it is and it hardly makes sense because I KNOW he is the one, but I can’t help but try and just picture us getting married, and the finality of it, and feeling…. PANIC.
I had a dream the other night where we were just going to get married, sign the papers and call it done so nonchalantly, and all I could feel was this anxiety like we were making a mistake by being so nonchalant. That it was this huge decision and we should really wait.
I very much believe that my SO is the one, and we are soo happy, and I can’t imagine life without him. But marriage… and perhaps it’s because of all the crumbling marriages around me… is terrifying right now. What stage is this?
Post # 3
@sleepingbeauty88: Not sure if it’s a stage, but maybe you’re just overwhelmed at the fact that it could be happening soon? Planning a wedding is a lot of work! Maybe you’re feeling this way because there is pressure from people around you (lots of weddings, babies, etc), or you just want to be able to please everyone…? I dunno, I’m just throwing some ideas out there.
I wouldn’t worry about it too much. You obviously love him and know he’s the one… Perhaps it’s just cold feet. I’m sure after you get married your emotions will calm down a little.
Post # 4
@sleepingbeauty88: Honestly, I think that if someone isn’t a little scared at some point in the whole engagement/pre=engagement process then they are naive or dumb. I know that is harsh, but it’s a little true. What you are feeling is natural. This is a BIG step. It doesn’t mean that you are not meant to be with your Fiance or that this engagemnt is a mistake. It just means that you are contemplating a big life step and that is scary. I’ll be honest, I have doubts and fears at times. I have talked them through with my friends and even a therapist. I think it is normal.
Post # 5
@GwenvonD: Ya – “overwhelmed” is definitely the perfect emotion to describe how I feel when I think about planning a wedding!
@jackndiane: Thank you so much! Not harsh at all! It made me feel a lot better that I’m not crazy. I absolutely love the man I’m with, but that “what if it changes us” stage has hit hard. I was sooo certain 2 years ago that I was ready, and now, 2 years later (because he was not), I’m understanding how he feels.
Post # 6
@sleepingbeauty88: I just went through this for a couple weeks. Stopped this week. I’m not engaged and for the longest time I wanted it so bad and suddenly like a brick wall it hit me and I was absolutely terrified. I would lose my freedom. Weddings are so expensive. What if we aren’t meant to be and I can’t see it and our marriage fails. On and on and on. I started to think maybe I wasn’t the marrying type of person then tried to justify just dating him for the rest of my life. The feeling passed. I thought I was a lunatic for a while though. Like the other ladies said, marriage is HUGE. If done right, it’s FOREVER. I think a lot of people out there get so caught up in the wedding they fail to see the marriage.
Give it time. But don’t ignore your feelings. Try to recognize what may be causing them. The reason I say that is because I just closed on a house and the moment I did it’s like all the doubt I had about our relationship went away too. The process had stressed me out so much I was projecting it on him. So, perhaps there is something not marriage related that is bothering you that is causing an odd reaction. Hope you feel better. Know you’re not alone in your thinking. 🙂
Post # 7
@claireos: this comment really helped me!
i HAVE been making a lot of huge changes in my life lately and i absolutely think you’re on to something here. i’ve just ended a relationship with my mom’s ex-husband/my adoptive father, his future wife, his son, and frankly – his whole family in general. and while i wasn’t apart of the custody battle of my little brother, his actions towards my mom and my little brother (who’s 4 and “protective” doesn’t even begin to describe how I am with him) were beyond appalling. and then when his future wife decided to post on FACEBOOK disrespectful things about my mom, i was done. luckily he signed papers, it didn’t go to trial, and mom won custody. this is a huge win for us.
I’ve also recently fought for a promotion and salary compensation that i was very deserving of and won.
everything else in my life is changing soo fast and the only thing i have to keep me grounded is my relationship, as is, with SO. so perhaps the thought of that changing too is why i’m freaking out. thank you soo much 🙂 i’ll remember to just breathe, and that this isn’t the real problem.
Post # 8
@jackndiane: Honestly, I think that if someone isn’t a little scared at some point in the whole engagement/pre=engagement process then they are naive or dumb.
Post # 9
I had that after I got engaged. Before I wanted to get engaged so badly, I would think about all the different ways he could propose and think about the wedding and of course marriage, and I’d get so excited. But the second he proposed, I freaked out.
It always helped me to think about the future, and how I really did want to spend the rest of my life with him.
Post # 10
There is a time and place for everything. There’s nothing wrong with putting off an engagement or wedding until you are comfortable doing so. That doesn’t mean that you love your SO any less or have doubts about your future together.
Just make sure you and your SO stay on the same page. Perhaps with the craziness of your mom’s divorce out of your head, your fears will subside, and you will be ready to take that next step.
For now, enjoy your relationship, and don’t be afraid to move forward. . .slowly. . .and when you feel ready. 🙂
Post # 11
I felt like that when I knew a proposal was imminent. I really couldn’t figure out why exactly I was scared as it is what I had been waiting for/wanting for a while but once I knew that it was going to happen and he was going to buy a ring in the near future, definitely had a “WAIT” moment. It is normal and it does go away- so don’t worry.
Post # 12
@armychica06: ya, i know exactly what you mean. i think because we’ve discussed a timeline before and it would mean a wedding next year, i’m like WAIT! That’s not enough time! If he proposes now, and we want to get married next year, that’s not a lot of time to save money and invite everyone and give them time to save money (destination wedding). I’ll definetly need some processing time after our engagement.
Post # 13
I was going to do a destination wedding but on second thought- not too many people would have came and we wanted some key people to be there. Plus we were getting married a few weeks before Christmas…. it would have been inconsiderate. We are now doing a local wedding.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
@armychica06: I totally know what you mean, when my SO let it slip that he was planning on a winter proposal it made me happy but then a million worrying thoughts went through my head haha, eventually they went away 😉