(Closed) What waiting stage is when the fear kicks in?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@sleepingbeauty88: Not sure if it’s a stage, but maybe you’re just overwhelmed at the fact that it could be happening soon? Planning a wedding is a lot of work! Maybe you’re feeling this way because there is pressure from people around you (lots of weddings, babies, etc), or you just want to be able to please everyone…? I dunno, I’m just throwing some ideas out there.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much. You obviously love him and know he’s the one… Perhaps it’s just cold feet. I’m sure after you get married your emotions will calm down a little.

Gwen

Post # 4
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

@sleepingbeauty88: Honestly, I think that if someone isn’t a little scared at some point in the whole engagement/pre=engagement process then they are naive or dumb. I know that is harsh, but it’s a little true. What you are feeling is natural. This is a BIG step. It doesn’t mean that you are not meant to be with your Fiance or that this engagemnt is a mistake. It just means that you are contemplating a big life step and that is scary. I’ll be honest, I have doubts and fears at times. I have talked them through with my friends and even a therapist. I think it is normal.

Post # 6
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@sleepingbeauty88: I just went through this for a couple weeks. Stopped this week. I’m not engaged and for the longest time I wanted it so bad and suddenly like a brick wall it hit me and I was absolutely terrified. I would lose my freedom. Weddings are so expensive. What if we aren’t meant to be and I can’t see it and our marriage fails. On and on and on. I started to think maybe I wasn’t the marrying type of person then tried to justify just dating him for the rest of my life. The feeling passed. I thought I was a lunatic for a while though. Like the other ladies said, marriage is HUGE. If done right, it’s FOREVER. I think a lot of people out there get so caught up in the wedding they fail to see the marriage.

Give it time. But don’t ignore your feelings. Try to recognize what may be causing them. The reason I say that is because I just closed on a house and the moment I did it’s like all the doubt I had about our relationship went away too. The process had stressed me out so much I was projecting it on him. So, perhaps there is something not marriage related that is bothering you that is causing an odd reaction. Hope you feel better. Know you’re not alone in your thinking. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

@jackndiane: Honestly, I think that if someone isn’t a little scared at some point in the whole engagement/pre=engagement process then they are naive or dumb.

Totally agree!

Post # 9
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I had that after I got engaged. Before I wanted to get engaged so badly, I would think about all the different ways he could propose and think about the wedding and of course marriage, and I’d get so excited. But the second he proposed, I freaked out.

It always helped me to think about the future, and how I really did want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Post # 10
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

There is a time and place for everything.  There’s nothing wrong with putting off an engagement or wedding until you are comfortable doing so.  That doesn’t mean that you love your SO any less or have doubts about your future together.  

Just make sure you and your SO stay on the same page.  Perhaps with the craziness of your mom’s divorce out of your head, your fears will subside, and you will be ready to take that next step.

For now, enjoy your relationship, and don’t be afraid to move forward. . .slowly. . .and when you feel ready.  ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Post # 11
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I felt like that when I knew a proposal was imminent. I really couldn’t figure out why exactly I was scared as it is what I had been waiting for/wanting for a while but once I knew that it was going to happen and he was going to buy a ring in the near future, definitely had a “WAIT” moment. It is normal and it does go away- so don’t worry.

Post # 13
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I was going to do a destination wedding but on second thought- not too many people would have came and we wanted some key people to be there. Plus we were getting married a few weeks before Christmas…. it would have been inconsiderate. We are now doing a local wedding.

Post # 14
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada โ™ฅ EDD- April 2016

@armychica06: I totally know what you mean, when my SO let it slip that he was planning on a winter proposal it made me happy but then a million worrying thoughts went through my head haha, eventually they went away ๐Ÿ˜‰

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