(Closed) What was the hardest thing to adjust to when you got married/moved in together?

posted 4 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
421 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Having to share a bed.  I love living with Fiance, but if there’s one thing I kinda miss, it’s having the bed to myself.  But that’s only some days.  Most days I love sleeping beside him. 

Post # 3
Member
3898 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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jennylynn1425:  I never lived with a SO until I moved in with my Fiance (then BF) I was so annoyed at how much mess men make as is why laundry pilled up so fast and the dishes… omg they are never ending… and also sports. I f hate sports on tv, and why so loud? It’s not like there’s some meaningful conversation happening in half whispers… turn the damn tv down!!!!  I lived with mom, sis and brother before moving in with Fiance. None of us even watched sports on tv, so annoying..  and laundry for 4 people pilled up just as fast as it does for the two of us. Wtf..ugh lol

Post # 4
Member
260 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

^ chores. We had a few fights about chores over the first few years, less now but still the occasional bickering about it. 

Post # 5
Member
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

The hardest part for me was learning to give just as often as I take. There is always something to compromise on, very rarely do you get exactly what you want, how you want it, when you want it, etc. That’s learning to be mature, though! And learning that the world does not revolve around ‘me’ ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

We always used to fight about bed time. I work really early so I go to bed around 10 and he works a little later so goes to bed later. However I’m a light sleeper and we live in an apartment so his watching tv while I’m trying to sleep always bothered me and he wanted to be intimate when he would come to bed 2 hours later.  I also wanted us to go to bed at the same time too because I think it increases the connection between two people. So we compromised. Sun-TH he would come to bed early with me and F-Sat I would wait up for him. It does not always work out and there are still days when he is not tired and wants to stay up and I want to go to bed but 9/10 times he comes to bed with me. 

Post # 7
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I still, to this day, (together 8 years, living together for 7, married for 1 year) get so frustrated that he cannot fend for himself! He will sit, hungry,  in a cold house until I get in, then he bustles to light the fire and I cook dinner. He’s an intelligent man, but has reverted to being a teenager. I’ve moaned about this with a couple of other women married to engineers and they say it’s the same thing! It’s like he can’t do anything without my permission! He was so self sufficient until we moved in together… now I’ve got myself a 33 year old child! It’s a good thing I love him! 

He also has a totally different idea of what clean is… thus I do most of the cleaning. 

To his credit, I don’t garden or chop fire wood… he does everything in that department and enjoys it. I wouldn’t mind chopping wood, but he gets it done without me even asking. 

Post # 8
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Fiance and I lived together before (we were together 8 years ago) with no issues, he handled my OCD very well and I was able to compromise for him, so I didn’t anticipate any problems.

Turns out, since Fiance has quit smoking, he has started snoring. BADLY. I’m one of those people who needs absolute silence to get to sleep, so it has not been a good combination. I sleep with earplugs every night (which is painful!) and I still have to move to the spare room if I can’t get to sleep before Fiance comes to bed. Seriously, if I didn’t love him so much, it would be a deal breaker. I keep buying these anti snoring things online and begging him to try them out.

Post # 9
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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jennylynn1425:  I had a weird situation with DH. We lived together as friends before we started dating so it wasn’t a tradition at all. Finances on the other hand… Not so smooth. We split bills (naturally) but I had mine and he had his and we split the things like utilitlies and rent. 

The day after our wedding he woke me up bright and early to go to the bank and get his name on the bank account. At the time I was the “bread winner” (now I’m far from it) And it was hard for me to give up the freedom of spending without having him see every cent that came out of the account. 

Now we’re on the Dave Ramsey FPU course (even though we aren’t religious) and money is easier since we do the budget together 

Post # 10
Member
2177 posts
Buzzing bee

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jennylynn1425:  Ugh. Our first 6 months were so hard. We fought a lot. Some of it was little stuff like when/how we cleaned and the proper way to load a dishwasher. And some of it was big stuff like agreeing on a budget and working through some expectations we had for each other that we hadn’t talked about. And some of it was the lack of sleep from adjusting to sharing a bed in a new home.

I feel like in the last few months we’ve had a breakthrough where we can stop talking about when to clean out the bathtub drain and who should do the grocery shopping. Thank. God. haha.

 

Post # 11
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Sleeping together. 

Ive always had my own bed, so has he (queens). We’d slept over quite a bit and gone on vacation together, but it was different when 24/7. We’ve lived together for 2 years and still use separate blankets lol. I need a thick warm one (even now in summer I use a douvet) and he has a little thin one.

Post # 12
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

DH and I started living together around six/seven months before our wedding. For him, it was the first time out of his home (family house); while I had been living with roomates/alone for two years already.

I don’t recall so many big adjustments. Somehow we were both able to adapt to the other’s needs without much hussle. We divided housechores pretty early and had very few problems with them: he would do his laundry and I would do mine, I would cook and he would wash the dishes (at whichever time he wanted but before bedtime), etc. I am a very relaxed person -when it comes to housechores- so I never had any problem if he took longer to do something.

The biggest issues where finances and individual-space. I am terrible with my finances, and so for a long time I was really scared of letting him into my bank account and credit cards. Thankfully he has helped me and I am now more open about my finances with him. He, on the other side, has never had a trouble showing me his bank account.

About individual-space…we had some trouble because I constantly wanted to be doing things with him. Like, almost all day long (I was just very happy to be living with him), and when he wanted some alone time (to play video games, watch a movie, etc.) I would get so clingy. It took us some time, but eventually we designated “me-time”; which is a lapsus of up to 3 hours in which we each focus on an activity of our own. We are still together, but we have our own stuff to do. This worked wonders for us, but it wasn’t easy at first (specially for me).

We never had much trouble going from yours/mine to ours. I think it might have been because we were together for a long time before moving together, and by that time we were already sharing most of our stuff. He would lend me his car to run errands, and I would lend him my laptops if he needed it. Money was always an investment on our relationship, and we would often share the tab when going on dates. Actually, I think this might have been the way it all started (the yours/mine becoming ours): by combining our money to pay for dates. For example, I would pay for dinner and he for the movie. It made us realize that things could be much better if we just considered them as a whole and not as units.

Post # 13
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

For sure sharing a bed. He snores SO LOUD and runs so hot at night that it’s impossible for me to sleep well with him. 

 

Post # 14
Member
3440 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

With my ex husband it was simply the fact that I now had to share space with another adult. I love having my own space, had been living on my own since I was 19 and enjoyed my own peaceful company. Man this dude suddenly decided he was the next El Debarge AFTER we were married and had spoken not one word about his so called music talent prior to this. When he wasn’t at work morning, noon and night I had to hear this crooning of the same frickin songs! I started finding errands to run and places to be just to leave the house. 

Also its hard for me to share a bed. I love my Fiance but sometimes after cuddling I retreat to the second bdrm and sleep alone. He prefers I stay with him but he gets it. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 15
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

View original reply
jennylynn1425:  omg the wet towel on the bed drove me crazy! Luckily he doesn’t do that anymore haha. I’m going to make it sound like Fiance and I argue a lot (we really don’t) but some of our bickering started when we moved in together. Generally it’s about chores – ie. If he does dishes one night he thinks I’ve done nothing even though I made dinner, tidied, did laundry and swept.

Noise is another issue. He loves to watch sports loudly but will also have music on, and sometimes he even reads at the same time. It’s like sensory overload! 

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