(Closed) What was the hardest thing to adjust to when you got married/moved in together?

posted 4 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 46
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

When we first lived together, our opposite schedules and being considerate of the other. He worked M-F 5-2 and I worked T-S 12:45-9:15. He would make so much noise getting up at 3:30 in the morning and I had only been asleep for maybe 4 hours? It was so frustrating. Some nights I would wa him coming home late and I know it was hard on him too. Our schedules eventually changed to align but it was like this for probably 6 months after we first lived together.

Post # 47
Hostess
3120 posts
Sugar bee

I got super irritated with having someone else living in my space 24/7. Like I’d come home from work, and I’d just want to relax and have some down time, and….there was someone else THERE. With needs of his own. Wanting to….TALK to me. Or id come home, and he’d be at work, but the kitchen was dirty or he’d used all the toilet paper and not left a new roll in the bathroom. Having to deal not just with someone else’s emotional needs, or them being in my space, but also having to deal with their mess. The loss of independence – if you go to the store, do they want something, and what will they eat. If you’re staying late at work or going out with a friend, making sure to let them know.

If it helps OP, we fought a LOT for the first 6 months after we moved in together. It was a huge adjustment. But we got through it, and we settled in pretty well. It just took a little time to get used to it.

Post # 48
Member
1094 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I HAVE to sleep with a fan on. We fought about this forever. I just can’t sleep when I’m too hot.

Post # 49
Member
8 posts
Newbee

Not engaged but my bf will constantly put things back in the fridge/pantry that is empty or near empty. Not to mention I practically have to put my name on things I don’t want him to eat. Dumb but they’re my biggest pet peeves. 

Post # 50
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Sharing space was the biggest thing. I had two roommates before, I lived with one for 3 months and with the other for 6 months and hated it. I had gotten very used to having everything to myself, of course, my husband was too. It felt like we were trying too hard to avoid being underfoot all the time and it took a few weeks for us to settle in with each other. Other than that, it was just little things. He has the tendency to eat leftovers without asking me about it. He’s not a clean freak or anything, but when he decides to clean something, he goes at it and can not be distracted at all. He also used to be really bad about coming home from work and changing the channel without waiting to see if I was watching whatever was on or not. 

I mean, after 4 years of living alone, moving in with someone else was going to be an adjustment. Everyone told us that we would argue most about finances, but we don’t. We keep separate bank accounts and don’t have any problems. 

Everything else worked out smoothly. We both can’t sleep with a door open. He sleeps in the right side of the bed and I sleep on the left. We both like to have a fan going at night.

Post # 51
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

ceebee05:  THIS. This is seriously my life.

Post # 53
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

Haha I love this post!

It was hard for us to get used to having our own space. For a long time we always had different schedules and now we finally both work M-F. Luckily I do get off a little earlier than him so I have my alone time when I get home, but now I have to go to bed early before he wants to. So we try to at least go to bed together all weekend. We also learned that it’s okay to do our own thing in separate rooms for a few hours if we want to, and I just let him know when I want to watch girly shows or something and he’ll just go on his computer. Lol. It works out great to have time together on the weekends but also do our own stuff during the week and come together at dinner time or something.

Post # 54
Member
3113 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

I think we had to adjust to being together all the time in the sense that I still wanted to go out on dates and do things together like we used to, and although he wasn’t opposed to that he wasn’t as excited about it either. He’s a homebody and just likes us being together so for him it’s not important how, but I missed the feeling I had when we would meet up for a date like we used to. There was actually a time he was kind of getting annoyed that I always wanted to go with him when he would run errands (because admittedly I always want to stop in other places and slow things down and sometimes he just wants to get shit done quickly) but I was just missing the feeling of spending time outside the house together like we used to, so now we try to plan a dinner or movie date or even just a trip to the mall together weekly and I leave him alone to do his errands quickly. 

Post # 55
Member
2057 posts
Buzzing bee

We pretty much started living together right away (not intentionally) and were oficially living together after less than two months. The only thing that we have a problem with is that I have a bad habit of saying “my room,” “my bed,” et cetera and that hurts his feelings. 

Post # 56
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I know that I was truly lucky when my boyfriend and I moved in together exactly 2 years ago this week.  We had spent a lot of time together already like I would stay at his house 3-5 days a week.  Though it was weird that I spent more time at his place then mine when he had a 1-bedroom apt and I had a 3-bedroom townhouse.

Nonetheless, us moving in together was the last part of us making sure that we could fit together before getting married.   He moved in with me since I own my place. We really didn’t have many issues.  Like I do leave things around that I shouldn’t but he’s patient with me and helps to clean up and stuff.  I think that only thing that I had to adapt to was that he likes to reorganize the kitchen every once in a while and I find myself not able to find the things that I want/need in a timely fashion. 

Otherwise, no issues.  I don’t even make him feel like this is MY place vs OUR place.  Oh and we both like the house on the warmer side.  I’m very warmed natured so I would die if I had to live with someone who liked to keep the AC really low. 

I think it helps too that we have a bigger townhouse and not confined to 2 room apartment or whatever.  We still can have our space when we want like if I want to watch some chic flick on the living room TV while he goes into our office to play video games. 

Post # 57
Member
7716 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am moving in with my Fiance in two weeks! I’m so excited. It has been a loooooooooong road to get to this point. My parents, whom I’m really close to, are strongly against cohabitation before marriage, so just working up the nerve to tell them took me months and the anxiety literally caused me health issues for awhile. Sad I know. But after dropping the bomb a few months ago, which went about as badly as I expected, they’ve miraculously accepted it and for the past few weeks have even been able to talk about the logistics of my move in unemotional terms. major progress!

So now I’m just really effing excited. I’m really glad we will have about eight months of living together before the wedding. I am sure everything will go well, but it will make me even more confident when I say my vows that I really know we can do this. 

It’s def gonna be an adjustment for both of us. We’ve both lived alone for years, and have very different standards of cleanliness lol. So I am expecting some butting of heads in the first few months, but I know we’ll work through it. 

Post # 58
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee

The two things I really struggled with were 1. His picky eating habits and 2. His insane tv watching habits. 

The picky eating has gotten waaaay better.  It’s hardly an issue, another year or two and he will have no picky eating habits left.  I have slowly coaxed him out of being a picky eater.  

The TV is still an issue.  He likes to turn the tv on as soon as he walks in the door and leave it on, blaring, incessantly, all day/all night until he leaves or goes to sleep.  And the programming is always one of 3 things: sports, msnbc, or old James Bond movies (that he has seen a THOUSAND times before).  I just lost my shit the other day after hearing Chris Mathews regurgitating the same crap for the 4th consecutive hour at a mind numbing volume.  

Election years are very difficult to get through.  Between football & the constant political chatter and trying to occasionally get his attention and having to scream over the TV, it really wears on my nerves.  He is not going to change though.  I have to just keep reminding myself that it is only temporary.  It will be over in a few months.  I am also thinking about taking a little solo trip somewhere in October to get a break from it.  

During non election years the TV is just something I have learned to accept.  He has TV habits like what I imagine you’d find in a psych ward.  It’s totally crazy to me but it’s just part of my life now.  I attribute it to him being an only child and having a very busy single working mother.  I think the TV played a big role in his life growing up and became an unbreakable habit.

 

Post # 59
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

In terms of sharing a space, the transition for me was rather easy – so I’m not sure I’m of any real help, LOL! Neither of us have ever lived with a significant other before. But… we just work well together, I guess. We balance out the household chores, we both cook, we both clean, we split expenses, we help each other out when we need it, we listen to each other, we are on somewhat of the same schedule — so it just works.

The only issue, if I had to come up with one, is that my fiance has anxiety. I’ve known this since I met him, but obviously it was easier to deal with when I wasn’t around it 24/7. When we first moved in together, it overwhelmed me to the point where I felt like his anxiety was rubbing off on me. I never had anxiety ever and then all of a sudden I felt it. However, I also alluded this to the fact that living with him was a HUGE life step that would cause ANYONE some anxiety. So, I just adapted and figured it out.

Now, I know his everyday quirks and how he does things day-in and day-out now, and him with me. The most important thing is I am never one to bottle things up… which is key when you live together. I always let him know when I feel like we need to take a step back and breathe for second, both him and me and together. 🙂

 

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