(Closed) What was the rudest wedding experiance you had?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 152
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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brideinthesix:  One of my BMs got pregnant the night of my engagement party lol she openly admits it happened at the party.  I think it’s a great story but ours was pretty casual and at a bar.  

Post # 153
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

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mantaray:  wow that sucks! Were they just being mean and selfish? Or were they trying to help?

Post # 154
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My cousin’s wedding reception was a bit of a hot mess because of poor planning…the reception was immediately following the ceremony in the church fellowship hall, but the bridal party went off to do photos in between, so everyone was just standing around waiting for them for at least an hour with no food or beverage (they were serving finger food, so not a seated meal). I admit, it wasn’t the most comfortable. There weren’t really chairs for everyone, and nothing to do.

While that in itself could be considered rude, the Rude Story in my opinion was the groom’s family’s reaction. They were so upset by the reception delay and then maybe didn’t like the way the food was served? that when the groom’s father gave a speech, it was an irritated address full of thinly veiled jabs at the bride. After that, they are (immediate and extended family), immediately left the reception very early to head home to a dinner party that his wife was throwing for their family.

It was incredibly awkward for everyone, and clearly really upset and embarrassed the couple. The bride (my cousin) disappeared for probably 20 minutes, and came back obviously having been crying.

I just can’t imagine family being like that, even if things are less than ideal. I’m sure they probably thought going in that what my cousin had planned wasn’t nearly good enough, or why would they have scheduled a dinner party immediately following the wedding??

Post # 155
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

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grayyum:  A lot of our friend group moved away from the city we lived in when we met (medical students moving for third-year rotations), and the bride and that bridesmaid are the last two girls of our group living in that city.  I think her behavior is about claiming the friendship because those two now see each other a lot.  I’m not bothered about who plans what, but there has been some underhandedness that I don’t appreciate because the bride is really non-confrontational, and I know she’s been getting some biased secondhand information about me.  I just don’t want any of this to affect my friendship with the bride, who I love dearly.

Post # 156
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

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mantaray:  Maybe she is trying to help. If you aren’t in the same city, it can be difficult planning things in such a small time frame. I don’t think it will have any affect on your relationship with the bride. Have you asked the groom about why she is behaving like that?

Post # 157
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

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grayyum:  We’re planning the party in New Orleans, which is not where any of us live.  So the distance didn’t impact her any less than it did me.  I’ve noticed that anytime I am asked by the bridesmaid for any kind of comment, she immediately ends our conversation, and I receive a message from the bride shortly thereafter defending what the bridesmaid wants to do regardless of what I have said.  That makes me suspicious that the bridesmaid is misrepresenting the things I say to the bride.  For instance, there is a private Facebook group being used by the bridesmaid to plan the bachelorette.  All the bridesmaids are on it, but the bride is not.  I was asked on that page by the bridesmaid if I thought we should wear tutus and bedazzled/Tulip-painted t-shirts on Bourbon Street.  I said I thought the bride might want to dress up for dinner, but we should ask what she would like to do afterward because cocktail dresses and heels are not super comfortable to go walking around in.  Bridesmaid never responded, other girls started commenting that the restaurant chosen for dinner was fairly swanky, so we should not wear tutus there but could change later.  I get a message from the bride within five minutes that she doesn’t want to wear her heels on Bourbon Street and would I be okay with everyone changing after dinner?  She seemed surprised when I said I was fine with that and preferred to be comfortable while bar-hopping as well.  The only way the bride could have known about that situation in the first place is if Bridesmaid told her about it, and there is no reason the bridesmaid should have thought that I was promoting any opinion other than checking with the bride.  It’s petty and stupid, but I don’t think it was a misunderstanding because similar things have happened every time I’ve answered a question for the last two weeks.  Bridesmaid clearly wants to do something a particular way she has in mind, asks me what I think, I typically say we should do whatever the bride wants, Bride contacts me soon after like she needs to defend Bridesmaid from me.

I haven’t asked the groom anything because he has asked to have the stress kept to a minimum.  (I also didn’t love that he called my husband to tell me to step down instead of talking to me directly – we’ve known each other for 14 years, we can have a reasonable conversation.)  The only way I’ve found to prevent misunderstandings is to back out entirely, so I am now completely uninvolved in my best friend’s bachelorette party other than attending.  I know I could step back in, but I don’t want to make a fuss.  As long as the bride is happy, I will ultimately be happy too.  And I don’t want her to find out about any of this because she would internalize it and feel like it was her fault somehow.  I was looking forward to our group of friends sharing this process together, and I feel that nobody but Bridesmaid is being allowed any involvement.  One of our friends booked the hotel rooms in her name to get a discount with her hotel account, and Bridesmaid changed the reservation to her name (which lost us the discount).  My name was originally on one of the rooms, and the original booking friend was on the other.  Now Bridesmaid has put both rooms in her name and said that she and Bride will share one, and the other girls will sleep in the second room.  It just feels like she is trying to stake her claim as Bride’s absolute best friend when I know the bride has enough love for all of us.

Post # 158
Member
31 posts
Newbee

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weddinglimes:  I don’t think it’s rude, I think it’s quite common. I would keep it to yourself just to avoid anyone potentially getting offended, but I can’t see how they could. It’s just the paperwork

Post # 159
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

A distant cousin of my DH pitching up with a friend we’d never met thinking they were going to have a holiday at our house while we were on our honeymoon!

Post # 160
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

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mantaray:  Wow, you really had a lot on your mind! Maybe you should talk to someone and get it all sorted out; it seems like theres a lot of confusion and misunderstanding.

I thought you said that Bridesmaid was running crying to the groom? But now she’s going to the bride, as well?

Are you sure these are the Bridesmaid’s ideas? If she’s going to the bride and groom, maybe she’s getting opinions from them.

Is the groom friends with your husband? Maybe the groom called your husband first as a coutesy to him. Guys don’t like other men upsetting their wife.

The hotel situation doesn’t make sense. The room will be listed by whoever gave a credit card for the booking. Who is paying for the rooms? Why on earth would Bridesmaid just throw away your friend’s discount? And why is the Bridesmaid wanting a room just for her and the bride? Is anyone else sharing that room?

Post # 161
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

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greylipstick:  OH. MY. GOD. This takes the cake, for sure. (But you’d probably have to give enough ca$h to cover your slice of cake, too.)

Post # 163
Member
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is not a wedding I attended, but one my Bridesmaid or Best Man went to a few months ago. After the Bride and Groom left, the Bride’s family turned to the guests and said “alright, everyone please come in and help us clean!” My Bridesmaid or Best Man, who was just a regular guest at this wedding, spent the night cleaning her own dishes! When she sat down to take a break due to her feet hurting in heels, she was given a dirty look.

 

I have NEVER heard of a wedding party asking guests to clean up after themselves before this. It would be one thing to save costs if the bridal party / immediate family helped,  but not your guests! Has anyone seen anything like this!?

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by  jackjackattck.

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