(Closed) What was your "NOPE" moment?

posted 1 year ago in No Kids
Post # 16
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

I knew when I was a little girl. I loved playing house, especially when another little girl would be “mommy” to a babydoll and I could pretend to be the Aunt. But I didn’t want to pretend or be the mom. Not for a minute. Too much responsibility. 

Post # 17
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I never really had a maternal instinct, I’ve never really had that desire to be a mom. But for me it’s the responsibility. I have two nephews who I adore, I took them out to the local zoo one day so my Sister in Law could pack for their upcoming holiday without them in the way. The kids had a lovely time at the zoo. But every minute I was out with them and responsible for them I was so panicked. I really hated it. I was so happy to give them back at the end of the trip. That for me was the final nail in the coffin on the idea of children for me. I knew I didn’t want to be responsible for another person for 18 years of its life. Not just protecting them from the outside world but everything else too. 

Post # 18
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

My nope moment came on a work trip to Hawaii. I’m a nanny, and the last family I worked for took me with them on two-week long trips to Hawaii every winter. I’d been leaning towards being CFBC for a while, but I was dating a guy who wanted kids (2-4 and said he would adopt even if he couldn’t have them on his own). While in Hawaii, I realized the situation I was in was about as good as parenting can ever get. There was no worries about money, we were on a tropical island, the kid I watched was healthy, funny, smart, and sweet. But I felt bad that, in order to fully enjoy their vacation and have a little time for themselves, my bosses had to pay a bunch of money to bring me along. I hated that we had to be back at the house and winding down by 7:00 pm so the kid could get to sleep at a reasonable hour. I saw how frustrating it was to base our choice of restaurant on whether the kid was going to be disruptive and having to choose our beaches based on how close the bathroom was since the kid was still potty training. It was also a nightmare flying with a kid and trying to bring enough snacks and entertainment to keep them from becoming a nuisance on the plane. 

I realized that, if the thought of parenting even when everything is as good as it could possibly be still seemed awful, it just wasn’t for me. Even if I could guarantee that any kid I had would be as great as the kid I watched (which I couldn’t) or that I’d be in a situation where money wasn’t tight and Hawaii vacations were possible (which they might not have been), I still didn’t want that life. During the trip I texted my boyfriend saying that living with a toddler for a couple weeks was challenging and asking, again, if he was set on having kids. He said he was, and within a week of returning from the trip, I broke up with him. Fortunately we’d only been together a year, and it was a very amicable split. A few years later I met my (now) husband who had a vasectomy about a month before we met (I had also just made an appointment together sterilized, so it was thrilling to know we were 100% on the same page). This last April we went to Hawaii and got to enjoy late nights, beers, a fun hike, a helicopter ride, and ate wherever we wanted. It was exactly how I felt a Hawaiian vacation should be, and it reaffirmed that this is exactly the life I want. 

Post # 22
Member
3038 posts
Sugar bee

chrissybee :  Not officially decided, but waiting for my “baby fever” to kick in or whatever… lol

But man… whenever i go to DISNEYLAND! It is my favorite place in the world and i actually do like seeing the little kids dressed up, but then they start crying and flipping out and i’m like DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOUR PARENTS SPENT BRINGING YOU HERE TODAY?! KNOCK IT OFF lolll

or when i take a kid. We have to stop at every single bathroom, someone is hungry, someone is hot, someone is thirsty, lets wait 2 hours because they want to go one this ONE ride or meet this character. 

No, i like to start off my morning with mimosas and head into the park, we drink all dang day and go on whatever ride we want. Going there def. makes me rethink things LOL  

Post # 23
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

chrissybee :  I go back and forth, but I’m really hoping my NOPE moment comes eventually! It’s like I know a baby isn’t for me, but there’s still this little voice inside me that says I should have one!

I went out on a friends boat last weekend, they brought their 3 month old and this baby is so chill, so adorable, I loved holding him and hanging out with him. But then today, the father (who I work with) is talking about how hiring a nanny is going to be $26K for one year! Like no, I do not want to give up all my fun money and put it towards daycare, I want to continue to travel and be selfish and spend my money on myself and my husband. Then another coworker chimes in about all of the extra expenses that come along with having a child that he never realized prior to having them… I think this is my nope moment for the day lol.

Post # 24
Member
313 posts
Helper bee

I can’t actually think of one moment. The ‘nope’ just gets stronger as time passes, and there are lots of frequent smaller ‘nope’ moments. Even nice moments with other people’s kids emphasises that it’s not the right choice for me/us.

Now if people would only stop asking me about it…

 

 

Post # 25
Member
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I go back & forth although currently on the NOPE side of things.

I’m such a practical person that I just don’t understand why I would want to sacrifice my sleep, money, and free time for something that literally sucks the life and energy from you the first few years.

I mean, should we decide to have a child, I’m positive we could 1000% be great parents and forego going to the bars every weekend, but for the time being, like why??

Post # 26
Member
842 posts
Busy bee

I still get “nope” moments, yet I have a baby who I adore. Pretty much any time spent around my screaming banshee nieces/nephews is a continuous “nope” moment…but what would have previously been “nope, don’t want kids” is now: “nope, not MY child!” Though she’s still a baby so maybe that’s just wishful thinking. Things are totally different when it’s your kid, though; you’re more “eased” into the phases, and obviously more attached to the child, unlike babysitting (which is why I never consider babysitting experience as parenting experience…totally different things). Wellp, guess I’ll just have to found out…no turning back now!  

Post # 27
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Comments removed for personal attack and baiting.

Post # 28
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

In the three min before the pregnancy developed I KNEW the answer would be to call Planned Parenthood. (Luckily, it was a neg test, so I didn’t have to).

 

Ultimately, for me, I decided in my 20s that I’d have to actively want kids to have them, rather than having them because it was expected.  People always said “when you turn 30” or “when you meet the right guy” or whatever.  I was very close to marrying a guy who wanted kids, and I couldn’t say that I would ever agree to have them, that broke us up, so it wasn’t the right guy issue.  I held my BFF’s kid at 4 hours old, I went to the sonogram for my niece and met my nephew at about 12 hours old.  I love the kids of people I love.  I never really wanted them myself.

Post # 29
Member
3389 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

kiram :  I’m sure you mean well, but do you need to insert yourself into this conversation? Your decision to have a kid is not relevant to the topic at hand, nor is your cliche “it’s different when it’s your kid” line. No one cares.

Post # 30
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I was never really into the whole I want to be a mom thing. I do love kids though but never really wanted my own. I taught kindergarten for 5 years and that was fantastic birth control! I didn’t meet my husband until my mid thirties so that factored in as well. I had enjoyed my freedom to spend money on me and vacation or head to see a broadway show or concert at the drop of a hat.  My husband was a fence sitter when we met and could’ve gone either way based on what I wanted. Seeing a lot of my friends have kids really solidified our thinking and hearing from them how hard it was on them and their marriages and seeing the melt downs first hand. Once we started really talking about our ages (as we married in our late thirties) and how we wanted to travel together and how we enjoyed the freedom to just go somewhere on a whim, etc, DINK felt right to us.  I get twinges when I see him with kids or our niece and nephew how great a dad he would be, but the timing doesnt work for us. I love being able to spoil our niece and nephew but glad to give them back!  I would’ve maybe considered one and done (I’m an only child) had we met earlier in life.  We’ve been married for almost three years now and haven’t changed our minds so hubby had a vasectomy this summer to make CFBC permanent. We take a trip once a year as we agreed on and regularly plan spontaneous outings bc we can and we like it that way. I actually just planned a weekend getaway for our anniversary bc I found somewhere cool that I know my hubby would like to go and said hey in two weeks we have plans. 

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