- 12 months ago
Comments removed for thread jacking and baiting.
Comments removed for thread jacking and baiting.
I knew from the get go that parenthood wasn’t for me so there was never one defining nope moment. None of it is appealing to me. However, if I had to pick the one thing that really seals the deal it would be that I find kids exhausting and chaotic. I figured out very early on in life that I don’t like being constantly on the go. Being able to live life at my own pace is essential to my happiness and wellbeing. Having kids would just ruin that and make me miserable.
kiram : nobody here has a phobia of people that have kids. I actually think It’s the opposite since whenever there’s a thread like this, there’s always a parent, or two, who feels the need to drop in and tell us about the “other side”. We get that you like being a parent. Seriously, I hope that every parent is one because they 110% want to be. Children deserve that. However, you telling people that it’s different when it’s your own isn’t relevant and just isn’t true. It is for you but I’ve had a few regretful parent friends tell me otherwise. Sometimes people just don’t want kids and that’s ok. It’s not your, or any parent’s, job to sell us on parenthood. Just because having kids would make me miserable doesn’t mean that it’s the wrong choice for you, or any other parent, who absolutely loves being a parent.
every time I hang out with my herd of little nephews – they are wild children with never ending energy. afterwards I’m just like nooooppe happy with my dog thanks. I still do love babies though and do want one of my own eventually… obviously mine will be a little angel baby 😛
oceangirl40 : exactly. If we wanted to hear from the “other side”, we would go to your parenting threads (of which there are like a bajillion here and elsewhere) and ask you about being a parent. What we don’t need are people jumping in on every conversation CFBC people try to have with “but did you know it’s different when it’s your owwwwwwn?!” I hope, Kiram, that you can appreciate why that would be annoying.
Parents always like to tell CF people that ‘its different with your own baby’ and obviously that’s true because if it wasn’t you’d throw your kid in the trash after a night of teething screaming but the whole point of being child free is not having to deal with a sleepless night or a tantrum in the grocery store. So you saying ‘its different with your own’ doesnt mean shit when none of us wants kid to begin with. Why even bring it up?
chrissybee : Well some parents actually do that or worse so the statement of “it’s different with your own” is factually incorrect anyway but still parents just love to bingo CFBC people with it.
But back to your OP. I came out of the womb saying no kids. Just not something I have ever been interested in.
chrissybee : for me it was when the number be of custodial step children living in my home spontaneously doubled, going from 2 to 4, woth the additions being 9 and 10 at the time (that was 7 years ago) I found 2 to be a lot but thought I could possibly handle one more for the sa,e of having one that would call me mommy, I had planned to try when the youngest was just about school age, but I know with absolution that I can’t handle 5, 4 is too much already and realistically with 4 kids already calling me by my first name I would get the one thing I would be doing it for out of it anyway (to have a kid that calls me mommy)
There was never a moment just a slow progression.
I didnt play with baby dolls and hated them.
I was horrified by the birthing video in middle school
I never babysat or cared when babies came around.
My friends having needy kids
My friends stories of how their weekends and weekdays are nothing but kid events.
I was never struck with the hell no moment, but I think, for me, having kids wasn’t in my DNA. And I’m tired of people telling me “when you have your own its different” That’s not a game I’d like to play frankly.
kiram : tbh, no, i wouldn’t necessarily consider babysitting much different from nannying except to say that babysitting is far easier and generally more pleasant as it only requires a few hours of your time before resuming your life. So if you hate babysitting, then you’d probably really fucking hate being a nanny. It perfectly acceptable to say you hate babysitting, and it has turned you off the notion of parenting. It’s also fine to say that you hate babysitting but think there are other bits about being a parent that make dealing with the shit (both literally and figuratively) worth it – but that doesn’t change the fact that children can be just awful disgusting creatures.
Your general attitude of “its different when it’s your own” is what is offensive because it invalidates the reasons women cite as to why they don’t want children as non-relevant. Additionally, it’s quite tiresome as it’s something repeated constantly by parents both irl and here on these boards. We don’t need to hear it again. Moreover, it’s not even true! I have a few parent friends who have been very open in telling me that, while they of course love their kid, it’s NOT DIFFERENT except that you have to pretend you love it or people think you’re a monster. But they are very adamant in being supportive of those who choose not to have kids.
honestly jusy before I met fiance. I was always saying “one day” but couldnt realylly envision it.
Wirh my ex at motocross the little kids on the tiny 85s was the only time I thought “oh Id love that”… but that was seeing him playing with the kids not a stirring to have my own. After our break up I decided to focus on myself and be real about what I want and I fianlly went wow.. I do not see kids in my future. Then I met fiance and he doesnt want them either I was ecstatic. All my exes wanted them. “have to continue the family name”
Fiance and I like kids! He is a godparent and Im an Aunty but we are happy to just be together and have our dogs.
I can tell you what the childfree axe was for me: us having puppies. I clean the messes, I wake up for the crying, I feed them and walk them and do EVERYTHING- but no, that’s not good enough. I get criticized because they don’t behave enough, they’re not perfect on potty training yet, they still chew things. It’s all my fault, he calls me the bad parent when he’s never around to help raise them wtf. So like Hell am I having a human child! No!!
I get “nope” moments from time to time.
Today I watched a five year old just lay her self down on the ground at a busy grocery store.
She wasn’t having a fit, she was just enjoying herself and while I can relate to the kid–the look of nearly well contained frustration on dad’s face as he held his toddler in one arm and tried to pull up the 5 year old with the other just made me nope so hard.
I know a lot of people will probably be offended by this–but, whenever someone tells me “I became a different person when I became Mom,” I have a nope moment.
I have no interest in losing my sense of self in the idenity of “Mom”.
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