(Closed) What was your "NOPE" moment?

posted 12 months ago in No Kids
Post # 46
Hostess
3189 posts
Sugar bee

Moderator here. I’m getting a number of flags from this thread. Let’s stay on topic, please, which was not  “why you like having kids” but rather “what was your nope moment”. 

Post # 47
Member
10574 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Blame Dick Van Dyke. At the advanced age of nine I didn’t know how babies were made. That would happen next year, when my peers clued me in. It took me a long time to believe them. It sounded preposterous.  The daddys pee inside the mommys?

I had just watched “The Dick Van Dyke Show”, in the episode Laura Petrie (Mary Tyler Moore) was pregnant. Somehow, I had gotten it into my head that God dispurses the babies by some Divine plan to which we are not privy.

It is not hyperbole to say that I was smacked with a tsunami of terror. I had ice in my veins. What if God decided to give ME a baby?

I tried to use logic to soothe myself. God won’t do that, he probably knows I’m not married. Which led to: Are we really SURE God NEVER makes mistakes?

The mere thought of a human inside of me was unbearable.  I screamed and cried it out.  The kind of crying that racks your whole body and leaves you spent and exhausted.

My feelings on the matter never changed, although I have learned to tamp down the theatrics in public.

At 25, I asked my gyno to tie my tubes. He refused. The doctor said I was too young and could still change my mind someday. Yeah, if by ‘someday’ you mean in the next lifetime after this one, sure. Maybe I’ll entertain the idea then.  Such a shame, I had always really liked him.

And the next thing you know, here I am, past my childbearing years and looking back. Dh (who has had a vasectomy) and I talk about it from time to time. And always with the utmost gratitude that I had the wisdom to spare myself from the misery that would have been pregnancy, childbirth, and raising children. I recognize that some people love it.  That’s great and I don’t care.

 

Post # 48
Hostess
3189 posts
Sugar bee

sassy411 :  I’ve heard from a number of women who wanted their tubes tied because they knew they didn’t want children, and it’s outrageous to me that the doctors refused or put them off. I find it hard to believe they’d turn down a man asking for a vasectomy at 25. I understand it’s a permanent decision, but it’s YOUR decision to make.

Post # 49
Member
359 posts
Helper bee

Watching my 3 year old nephew scream about everything… where he takes a bath… what shorts he wears… who cuddles him before bed… whether he sleeps at grammy & pappap’s house or mommy & daddy’s house… the fact that his parents actually tolerate him calling my Mother-In-Law & Father-In-Law “grammy” and “pappap”… I just can’t tolerate it. It’s kinda depressing watching his (normally very calm & reasonable) parents lose their chill or negotiate with him about this crap.

Post # 50
Member
1422 posts
Bumble bee

There was no individual moment for me. When I was younger I kind of assumed that I would have kids because that’s what you do after you get married. But then as I started having serious relationships I pushed off the age I thought I’d be ready for kids because I just never was. Then when I met my husband and we had the kid talk and he said he didn’t want kids, it just clicked: I don’t have to have kids.

After that any time I see a kid in public (or hang out with my nephews) I leave with a sense of gratitude that I never have to deal with 18+ years of raising another human being.

Even with kids I like I get nope moments. I was visiting my sister in law recently and she had to explain to her child not to spit. And one kid was explaining to the other that you have to chew your food if it’s in bigger pieces. I just can’t imagine having the patience to explain to someone such simple life skills.

Also the thought of a human being leeching off my body is horrifying. And I just don’t understand why anyone would want to go through birth for the “reward” of a lifetime of responsibility.

Post # 51
Member
10574 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

bumblebug :  

I am so totally getting you right now—the sense of gratitude, the leeching horror, and the ability to like some kids without needing one of your own.

I spent many years working with children who did not make it easy to love them—severely emotional disturbed kids and adolescents, ages 6-18. And my kids and I often bonded quite well. Working with them came easily.  I’m funny, talk to them as if they were adults, and I was willing to get silly now and then.

Post # 52
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I had a nope moment yesterday at the beach. A little girl was crying because the bird she was looking at flew away. The poor dad was trying to console her and have her look at a different bird and she screamed “that’s not the right bird!!” Like wtf kid? 

We are actively TTC but I keep feeling like if it doesn’t happen naturally I won’t go to extreme measures to help it. I might be okay not having any if my husband was. He claims you’re never 100% sure.

But I love how you all are 100% sure you DON’T want any! 

Post # 53
Member
2089 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I had no nope moment. It more just happened that way. I helped husband raise his two stepdaughters. That seemed tiring enough. Husband didn’t want more and I couldn’t really imagine going through that again. Meanwhile, I was getting older and older. I love kids and I work with them. Some people still sometimes ask me if I plan on having kids, but I’m 47!! 

Post # 54
Member
3227 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

bumblebug :  that’s the thing with kids for me. Even when they’re in great moods and lots of fun, they’re exhausting mentally and physically. The conversations are ridiculous and it’s cute for about 5 minutes and then I’m looking for an out. 

Post # 55
Member
1611 posts
Bumble bee

chrissybee :  i never had a one defining moment where I felt ‘nope’ and that was the start of it all. I’ve just known through virtually all of my adult life, having a kid would be like hell to me. 

I have endless moments of me reaffirming that I’ve made the right decision for me though! From seeing kids screaming on a bus to hearing parents moaning about the lack of a lot of things in life. Plus, I really am not maternal in the slightest for having a kid of my own and have never had a ‘what if’ moment where I think it would be wonderful. 

Post # 56
Member
549 posts
Busy bee

Clear as if it were yesterday, my nope was at 9, a friend was over playing with dolls. I wanted to be a sentry on duty at the gates. Her mother asked “Don’t you want to practice being a mummy? Don’t you want to be a mummy one day?” I looked her in the eye and said “No.”

She laughed and patronisingly sing-songed “You’ll change your mind” and at that young age I bristled at her obvious arrogance and sing-songed back “No I won’t” 

She’ll never know it, but I have that woman to thank for cementing my resolution. Last I heard my friend (her daughter) had a baby at 15 so it kind of went both ways.

Post # 57
Member
321 posts
Helper bee

chrissybee :  my nope moment was recent cause it seems like the world is going to hell in a hand basket. I already have a child and the stress and worry over one is plenty enough for me.

Post # 58
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

oceangirl40 :  I hope this isn’t threadjacking but I wanted to just say everyone’s nope moments make sense to me, and I can say that it’s NOT different when it’s my own.  

I love my child but I do not enjoy parenting.  I view it as a necessary evil that I have to get through to get to the fun part. I do it because I have to and I still give it my best because it’s important to me to either not do something, or if I do choose to do something, then do a good job. It’s the same feeling as how I don’t enjoy working in and of itself, but I love the lifestyle having a paycheck and benefits allows me to have, and I bust my butt at my job because it’s important for my self-respect. 

Post # 59
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Toddlers…

But… we have since mutually decided to have 1 child, maximum 2.

Post # 60
Member
36 posts
Newbee

I never felt like mother material.

 

I love my nephew. I love being his aunt. I love doting on him. I helped raise him while his pa was away each week and only home on weekends. First thing in the morning: check on sis and nephew. After work: head to sis, take nephew and let her do stuff while me and nephew took our naps or went out into the fresh air.

 

I would die for that little man. But when I see her tell the now 2 year old that he can not wear his rain boots to bed and he is crying bubbles, when I see her clean him after an ‘accident’, When I saw the diaper blowouts when he was a babe and those endless nights of bad seelp/no sleep/ baby thinks 2 Am is the point to be wide awake cause reasons; I realized I could never be as strong as she is.

 

I admire my sister for all of this and help as best as I can.

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