(Closed) What was your "NOPE" moment?

posted 12 months ago in No Kids
Post # 61
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

 

camenae :  Oh definitely.   Rewarding things are rarely 100% rewarding.   Sometimes you have to go through the shit parts to get to the good.  My issue is when people believe that parenthood will be rewarding for everyone.   Something can only be rewarding if you wanted that something to begin with.  I used to worry about my brother and sil because it seemed that parenthood made them miserable.   Now that the kids are older I can see how rewarding they find it and how they’re mostly content.  This makes me happy for them.  However,  it would be all nope moments for me.  Even the “rewarding ” moments wouldn’t be enough.  I’m sure they feel the same about my life.  

Post # 62
Member
10568 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

oceangirl40 :  

A friend from high school was always absolutely clear that she wanted to be a mommy, several times over. We went in different directions after we graduated, but we stayed in touch. I never made any secret of my plan to be CFBC.

I visited her at her parents house, looking as I typically did, nice dress, makeup, stylish hair, and I had lost weight since high school.

She took me aside and told me, in a moment of candor, that she used to feel sorry for me. Sorry that I would never experience the joy that bringing a baby into the world can bring.

But, now, she understood that my choice was exactly right.  For me. And, although she thought I would have been a good mother (I got that a lot), my life was on a much different track, and it suited me well.

It was a very special moment.

Post # 63
Member
10568 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

sboom :  

Like night follows day, whenever a thread gets going in CFBC, the Militant Mommy Militia comes storming in to let us know that we’re wrong.

Perhaps what’s needed is a way to close membership on CFBC and limit it to people who DON’T HAVE CHILDREN.

Has anyone else noticed that while the Mommies are always trying to convert us, the CFBCers virtually never attempt to sell anyone on the child free life?

There’s a definite flavor of overcompensation. Those who are completely secure in themselves and their decisions feel no need convince, convert, or otherwise persuade anyone.

Post # 64
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

sassy411 :  Definitely all of this.  I love not having children but I see the joy that a lot of my friends and family derive from their kids and I know that my life wouldn’t make them happy.  I think there’s a group of parents who believe that people deciding not to have kids is an attack on their choice so they need to defend it.  I’ve never felt like my friends having kids meant that my cfbc life needed to be defended.   

Post # 65
Member
36 posts
Newbee

oceangirl40 :  My cousin and his wife are CF. Very acomplished couple, sporty, travel very few weeks, both in high paying jobs.

 

They dont feel like children and their ex best friends started not inviting them though they do have a great bond with the kids of that couple.

 

The parents said they find they have nothing to say when my cousine and his wife talk about travels because they dont get to travel with three kids like they do.

I think parents that do the militia thing deep down have realized that maybe they wuld have loved les kids/none or later and now they get angry at ppl having made that choice. So they need to reinforce how great everything  is and how WE are the once missing out

Post # 66
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Hearing about stage four vaginal rips: NOPE in a nutshell.

Post # 67
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I’ve always known I didn’t want kids, and I kept waiting for the desire to kick in, but when it still hadn’t happened at 30 I realised that perhaps it wasn’t going to.

The real kicker for me was my two cousins having kids the last 4 years. I have no brothers or sisters, so this was the closest I have to nieces and nephews. One of my cousins was telling me about “mummy club”, where she goes to meet up with other women who had kids around the same time, and they all chat about the babies while the kids play together. While I can see this must be a great supportive resource for parents, the thought of me going to mummy club just made me think “god, that is not the life I want”. 

I also went to the third birthday party of one of her kids, and it was chaos, I hated it. All the mums were sat around talking about playgroup and toilet training and toys, whilst wiping chocolate cake off their screaming kids, and I realised I’d wandered into my personal hell…

Post # 68
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

camenae :  can we really just please stop with the “the sucky parts are worth it in the end” arguments? 

Post # 69
Hostess
3190 posts
Sugar bee

catskillsinjune :  You clearly stopped reading when she stated she has a child, because that was not her point at all.

Post # 70
Hostess
3190 posts
Sugar bee

Moderator hat on. I’m going to give one final warning, let’s not derail the thread and keep it on topic, please. I think this board is such an important place for those who are CFBC to share their feelings and experiences. Especially considering how taboo it is in our society to *gasp* not want children.

I can’t prevent people with children from posting here, unless they cross a line. But I also can’t allow the thread to devolve into parents vs those who aren’t parents. SO again, please let’s keep this thread on track. I feel like CFBC Bees can really use the support, especially given how being / wanting to be child free is looked upon in society (at least in my experience).

Post # 71
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

sassy411 :  yep. I can’t remember the last time I wandered on to a parenting board and tossed out a “but have you guys ever thought about how much better your lives could be if you didn’t have kids?” because that’s a dick move and totally invalidating. I’m secure in my decision and I just wish everyone else could be too, regardless of what that decision is. 

Post # 72
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

 

des- :  hey, do you know if there has been any movement toward renaming this board “CFBC”? Another mod a while back was going to put that suggestion in. 

Post # 73
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

des- :  i really didn’t. The post started with her saying ‘parenting is hard’ and then went on to justify why it’s worth it in the end because eventually ‘get to the fun part’. This is totally invalidating to those of us who don’t feel that parenting has an eventual pay off/fun part in the end. It’s absolutley the “yeah it sucks but pays off in the end” argument. And for a thread that is about your “nope” moment that is geared towards validating the choices that CFBC bees make, it’s incredibly disheartening to have thread jacking posts about the investment and payoffs of parenting when other posts are being deleted by mods. 

Post # 74
Member
3583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

sboom :  it happens EVERY TIME. and then the CFBC threads get closed for detailing/being offensive/etc. 

Post # 75
Hostess
3190 posts
Sugar bee

sboom :  I’m not sure. But you could reach out to the site’s admin, ibyten, to ask. He’s usually pretty responsive to messages. You can either do a search for him, or I think a few threads by him are pinned on the first page. I think the last time the discusssion was ongoing, it was decided it would be left as is, but please don’t take that as gospel, because I’m not sure.

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