(Closed) What was your "NOPE" moment?

• amp0803
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: August 2019

I loved my baby dolls when I was a little kid. But I can’t remember a point in my life when I ever actually wanted a child. I think my hard NOPE moment when I truly decided against it was at age 13 when I was doing my research on the physical pregnancy process. The bodily changes, the emotional and hormonal ups and downs, the pain during labor, episiotomies and tearing, etc.  I wondered why anyone would put themselves through it all. Then in my late teens, I started thinking about all the choices a parent has to make regarding how to raise their child in terms of ethics, belief systems, discipline, etc. It seemed like too much pressure. And then to know that your child is their own person – they are not an extension of you – and the way you raise them might not even stick. I decided that I didn’t want to ever force a person into existence.

I think part of why I think this way is because I am the youngest in my family and have never had any exposure to babies or toddlers – I’ve never had a pregnant friend or family member and I’ve never held a baby. Frankly, I have no desire to!

I am now 23 and getting married next year. I made it clear in the beginning of my relationship that I was not going to have children. My then-boyfriend was shocked at first since he always saw it as something that is “expected.” He didn’t know that he had a choice. And then he met me lol

I think I get my “motherly instinct” fix with my 3 cats. Raising two 2-week old kittens who needed to be fed, stimulated to relieve themselves, cleaned, etc every 3 hours was rough. I can’t imagine doing it with a human. I definitely think I COULD do it, but I don’t see it as worth it. 

• bumblebug
• 3 years ago

Comments removed for derailing the thread.

• bumblebug
• 3 years ago

 Comments removed for derailing the thread.

• bumblebug
• 3 years ago

https://www.google.com/search?q=belly+cake&client=firefox-b-1-ab&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiR2LqT4_rdAhUHW60KHTSSCskQ_AUIDigB&biw=1600&bih=723

These trigger all my pregnancy nopes. Is anyone else freaked out by the idea of pregnancy? It bothers me so much more than the thought of birth. And is almost up there with my horror at being a parent.

• sboom
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: January 2021

• kuko
• 3 years ago

Comments removed for derailing the thread.

• camenae
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: September 2015

Thank you for speaking up for me.  For what it’s worth, your interpretation of my post was what I intended, although I CAN see how the others (@bumblebug and @catskillsinjune) arrived at their interpretation.

Permit me a second–and last–try at this.  I won’t post in this thread anymore and let people’s final interpretations fall where they may.  

When I said “necessary evil”, I did not mean that it would all be “worth it in the end” for everybody.  I made a different choice and I view parenting as the price I pay for MY choice. I DON’T enjoy it, to the point that I genuinely haven’t even thought about the whole “is it worth it in the end” thing yet, because to me it’s like what’s the point not like I can get out of it whether I decide it’s worth it or not.  So that was definitely NOT the point of my original post, to say oh if y’all all choose the same way I do, it’d be worth it in the end.

And just because I made a different choice doesn’t mean why I can’t see why others (thus the “the nope reasons I see in this thread make sense to me” in my first post), and I don’t stop thinking these things even after I had my child.  Hopefully it counts for a little bit of something, that this has been difficult for me to admit to.  Because like some PPs, I think @oceangirl40?, pointed out, parents often have to pretend they love everything about parenting, otherwise people think they’re monsters (and here I feel the need to point out that this statement is NOT me saying oh parents have it harder than CFBC folks, woe is me). 

And just because I made a difference choice does not mean I think my choice is the “right” choice.  Really the point of my first post in this thread was just to say that even though I chose one way, I CAN still easily see why others made a different choice and why it’s right for them.  Could have been my choice too if my circumstances were different, e.g. married a man who didn’t want kids versus one who did.  

Going back to my original example of working for a paycheck–Just like I DON’T think working outside the home is the only fulfilling path in life, I also don’t think having a child is the only fulfilling path in life either.  

• j_jaye
• 3 years ago

I guess for me it is the point of why does parenting/having kids even need to be brought up in a discussion asking about what was CFBC people’s moment (or lack there of) when they decided to be CFBC. 

It happens repeatedly in CFBC threads. So even if it was well meaning, I guess it just gets frustrating that we can’t even have a conversation with out it being what is called “mommy jacked”. There is no need to be discussing the justifications or best bits of parenting in a thread dedicated to the CFBC lifestyle.

Maybe those who want kids might stop and think “why do I feel the need to mention kids/parenting or my experiences with or want of that” in a CFBC thread. You can be supportive without bring up kids at all, just like CFBC bees are supportive of bees who go through miscarriages without bringing their own lifestyle into it.

Just something to think about. 

• kuko
• 3 years ago

Comments removed for snark and derailing.

• Olivepepper
• 3 years ago

• Wedding: June 2010

Comments removed for derailing the thread and baiting.

• kiram
• 3 years ago

I don’t like the idea of cherry pie. I’ve never had a cherry pie. I don’t get up in arms when someone says they used to think cherry pie was gross too, until they tried it and they liked it. That’s great for them, but personally I still don’t plan on ever trying cherry pie. They can suggest that “you might like it if you try it” all they want, and I’ll acknowledge that they *could* be right—because I could never truly know unless I try—but if I’m perfectly happy not trying it, then I won’t, and there’s nothing wrong with that because the only person who it affects is me. I won’t get hung up on their statement that cherry pie is delicious, because that can’t change my judgement of whether I think I’ll like it…if I don’t like cherries, why would I like cherry pie? Alternatively, if I like cherries, but not sure if I’d like them in a pie, someone stating “I don’t like cherries, but it’s different when they’re in a pie” would be a valuable consideration to my decision to try one or not. 

If CFBC Bees are apparently allowed to keep this topic derailed by patting each other’s backs about their opinions unrelated to the topic, and continue to bait parents, I should at least be able to leave it at this:

When those who are CFBC jump to the conclusion that anyone else who says that they enjoy having kids are suggesting that anyone CFBC made the wrong decision, it’s coming from a place of insecurity…if you read into “it’s different when it’s your kids” as “You have no idea what you’re talking about since you don’t have your own kids”, that’s on you, because that’s not what anyone means when they say that. Having children is a completely personal decision and I would never dare tell someone they should or shouldn’t have kids…the reason behind sharing my prospective is for anyone who cares to take that prospective into consideration when they’re deciding on whether they want to have kids or not. Parents sharing their experiences is harmless unless you choose to be offended by it. When it comes to this topic specifically, some parents may feel inclined to mention their experience because they’ve experienced both sides…you’re free to come away with whatever you want from their prospectives, even if it’s nothing at all. The thing about forums is that unless you’re quoted in a comment, it’s not directed at you. Being passionately CFBC doesn’t mean everyone else is, and those parent’s who say “I didn’t like kids until I had my own” could be helpful to at least one person who’s on the fence…there’s no need to shut them up if they’re just stating their truth. If you can’t relate, you don’t have to pay any mind to it. It’s as simple as that. 

I’m not trying to stir things up more than they already are, so this is the last I’m going to say about it…it just appears that CFBC Bees aren’t going to stop baiting and derailing this topic, and will continue to do so for every CFBC topic that inevitably has a good-intentioned parent leaving a comment on it, so hopefully we can settle this now if we’re all willing to grow up and agree to disagree. 

• des-
• 3 years ago

This is a forum for everyone, and is all inclusive. That’s Weddingbee. If you see something you don’t like, ignore it. If you see something you think is a violation of the TOS, flag it. Then move on. 

I’ve gone above and beyond to try to keep this thread open, removed inappropriate comments ASAP, yet ultimately, it’s not the parents who continued to derail the thread.

I just want to make sure everyone is clear why the thread is being closed.