(Closed) What we say about others

posted 6 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
Member
758 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@AB Bride:  I think celebrities and public figures are more open to criticism, they are putting themselves in the spotlight. When people are put there not by choice, I think the criticism should be toned down.


Agreed

Post # 5
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I, personally, try not to say things about people I do not personally know. I even try not to say things about people I do know. I figure… I’m a grown woman and a mother, not a teenager. I have gotten to a point in my life where I don’t like drama and don’t want to be around it so I try not to contribute to it.

Post # 6
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@AB Bride:  Anytime you walk out in public, you are putting yourself out there for criticism, though.  People could dislike your clothes, the way you walk, or quite simply the look on your face (like “oh, she looks like she’s mean”).  You’ll never be able to control what people in public judge or assume about you, and might even say after you walk by them.  I kind of look at the internet the same way.  

Saying something like “I could kill them” is used frequently as a hyperbolic way of expressing anger or frustration.  Something like that wouldn’t make me think twice unless the context really pointed in the direction of them feeling truly homicidal.

Post # 7
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

toned down for sure, even if we dont know or never will know the people, being respectful should always be practiced

//

Post # 9
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@AB Bride:  WB has guidelines about what we can post about other posters here, but what about other people? What should or shouldn’t we say regarding others? I am referring both to on here, as well as in general. You never know whether or not someone is a member.

When we’re on a forum like WB should we stick to the commenting TOS when it comes to average people who aren’t (or we’re unaware if they are) members?

To me it’s even worse if we do not, as we’re talking behind someone’s back then. They have lost their ability to defend themselves. 

Incredibly valid points.

I actually logged on here after being inactive for a short while and found that an online friend had become a member and was badmouthing me in one of the “rant” threads.

The world isn’t as small as we’d like to think it is.

Post # 11
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s okay for posters to describe others’ bad behavior, as long as personal identifying info is not available, because many posters on here feel like they can’t talk to people IRL about certain topics, and they need an outlet. (I have seen so many posts from abused women, and I am grateful that they found people to talk to, even if it was online, because they need support.) However, I see a lot more posts that ask things like “what would you do?” or “am I handling this appropriately?” or “am I overreacting?” than posts where people are simply cruel or immature and asking for others to be cruel as well. I think asking for advice on dealing with difficult situations is pretty different from just talking meanly behind someone’s back. 

I definitely don’t approve of posting pictures of other people without their consent. I remember a poster recently posted a pic of a wedding guest and invited others to make mean comments about her… she blurred out her face, but that was still crossing the line, IMO.

Post # 12
Member
7779 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@AB Bride:  Oh, don’t get me wrong. I’m far from perfect that there are times when my mouth gets away from me or I feel the need to vent to a good friend or Darling Husband. I just meant that I TRY not to involve myself in gossip. I worked in an all-female environment for 4 years and it took it’s toll on my attitude. Ive really made the effort in the past year or so to watch myself. I don’t like feeling like I’m a bad person who talks crap all the time.

Post # 14
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

@AB Bride:  I guess I’m not sure what you’re asking about, then. I’ve only seen a couple of people making personal attacks, and they were always dressed down by OPs immediately, and often ended up being apologetic. I normally reply and tell people I think they’re being unfair, and also flag any posts I see that have personal attacks in them (which isn’t that many). I definitely don’t think it should happen, but do you see it happening enough that you think maybe we need more specific rules or moderation to stop it from happening at all?

Post # 16
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@vegempanada:  I’m a bit confused, as well.  I don’t see many personal attacks, but I see a lot of general complaints.  Like in the bridesmaids board, there’s a lot of griping but it’s not any different than what I hear people say in real life about their friends, sisters, or coworkers when they’re frustrated with them.  

I didn’t read the thread about the dad who left the baby, but I’m curious how would you word your negative feelings toward someone like that without using the word coward?  I’m not asking to be mean or snarky, just genuinely curious… if you feel negatively toward someone (like that dad) how do you word it to get the point across or get your vent out that you feel negatively, without using negative words?  I suppose you could say “I dislike that man” but I’m sure many people wouldn’t feel adequately vented after typing out that simple phrase.

As far as the threats of killing people, I think you might be reading things a bit too literally.  I know you got upset about one bee who said she wanted to strangle a girl on the show bridezillas.  She didn’t state she has a plan and intends to carry it out, it was hyperbole that is commonly used to voice strong, negative feelings toward that bridezilla.  Nobody else voiced the same concern as you, so I’m guessing none of them felt offended by the statement or scared that the OP would actually carry out harm toward the bridezilla (though I can’t speak for them, so maybe some did and never mentioned it).

I guess the OP could have said “I hate that bridezilla so much, I wish she didn’t exist!” but then would you consider that a threat as well?  I’m just curious where you want the line drawn, because at some point it starts bordering on censorship that interferes with free speech.  

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