Post # 47
The only thing I’m doing so far that’s not traditional is I’m not having a wedding cake. My mother threw a fit because it’s “not traditional” and “everyone loves cake!” but I’m holding my ground. 🙂
I think overall I’m pretty traditional, but some thing I’m just going to do what I feel is “me” and what I feel is “us” and I don’t really care if someone else’s upset. It’s not their wedding. If they don’t like it, they can have their own wedding.
Post # 48
@ms.pascua: I totally agree with the Catholic church thing. I don’t understand people who never go to church and then as soon as they get engaged, decide to get married in the Catholic church. Or the people who complain that the Church gives them a hard time when they aren’t living according to the ideals of the church. I am not criticizing people who don’t go to church or who live together before they are married, but be up front about it- if you don’t agree with Catholicism, there are tons of other places to get married.
Post # 49
@kemi, yes I have been to many weddings but that is neither here nor there.
Etiquette books all agree (as well as old school ladies from parents’ and grandparents’ generations) that inviting people to the reception but not the ceremony and vice versa is rude. But folks today throw any and all etiquette out the window as they choose saying it is outdated therefore they don’t have to follow it.
Not all weddings are 200-300 people though. Many are 100 or less. I’ve been to anniversary parties as well that had 200 people with no MC and no one was confused at all. Obviously that was a rare occasion.
Everyone will do what works for them and ignore what doesn’t.
Post # 50
@Ember78 – well I had never heard of that particular ediquette rule (inviting the same people to the ceremony and reception) but there are many rules out there that don’t make sense, mostly because most people wouldn’t find that rude anymore. Hence why people choose to follow the ones that make sense to their particular circle of family and friends and scrap the ones that don’t. Anyone who would find it rude would be someone’s grandmother or an older generation who (in the case of someone who was inviting more people to the reception than the ceremony) would most likely be invited to both anyway. and the 200-300 was a reference to the average wedding, mine only had 160.
I assumed you had never been to a wedding because everything in your post seemed out of assumption rather than experience. Sorry if I was wrong 🙂 I have been to about 30 weddings… literally… and have seen it ALL.
Post # 51
I don’t get the addressing the invites a certain way. I am addressing them more “formal” then I normally do only because I normally address my grandparents by Grammy & Papa etc! I am addressing them how ever I would normally say it, I would NEVER call my relatives Mr. or Mrs. nor would I address a friend like that. And what’s up with the man’s name being first- That’s not happening either.
And I don’t really get the point of bachelor/bachelorette parties either. It is not your last night single, it is your last night in a relationship before you are married you are not single nor should you act single.
And the prices for “wedding”- we accidently got the corporate menus at the venue. Let me tell you $20+ less per head! And we are going with those menus! The only thing is we don’t get the champagne toast (we won’t miss it, we aren’t having toasts)
Inviting everyone and there brother- and the plus 1’s, I’m sorry I’m not paying for dinner for someone I do not know. And when someone says no kid, that’s really what they mean!
I know there is more I will have to edit later 🙂
Post # 52
What I don’t get is spending more than the cost of a wedding on the engagement ring or the ‘We’ll upgrade later’ mentality. Why do you need a big, flashy piece of jewelry to signify your love for each other? If you want nice jewelry, why not just get a nice piece of jewelry later when you can afford it? IMHO…
Post # 53
Here’s a few things that drive me nuts:
-Cards made asking bridesmaids to be in your wedding. Sorry, I think it’s dumb and silly that grown women are making cards for their friends to ask them to be a bridesmaid in a cutesy way.
-The moustache mania—don’t get it.
-Clinking glasses at the reception. OK if people did it a couple of times it would be cute, but over and over again is not cute.
-DIYing invites. I know some people do this to save money, but it still seems like a giant headache and every DIY invite I have received, I can tell it was handmade.
Post # 54
@vegan – I was “requested” to have the same hair –an updo– as other bridesmaids even though my hair was just about shoulder length and all the other BM’s had long hair. Gah.
I think my biggest “HUH!?” moment during planning was that I was supposed to tell my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man what kind of shoes to wear and how to do their hair.
WHAAAAT??!? We’re all like 31…I think they are both capable of choosing their footwear and how to wear their hair. Plus, one friend loves crazy funky shoes with 4-5″ heels. Other friend is a flip-flop kinda gal. Why can’t they wear what makes them comfortable? (ok, maybe not flip flops, but not a 4″ heel either!). Plus friend 1 has a short bob and friend 2 has hair to the middle of her back. Bleh. But they insisted I was supposed to choose their shoes, hairstyle, and make up.
ETA: Not to stir the pot, but I would be so offended if I were invited to the reception and not the ceremony. The ceremony is the REASON for gathering. Not the party/reception. If I’m not *good enough* to witness the vows, I’ll send my CONGRATS!!! and keep it moving
Post # 55
I didn’t want to edit again 🙂
I don’t understand why people get offended when someone close to them declines the invite. YOUR wedding is most important to YOU. People could have a bunch of reasons why they can’t attend and maybe don’t feel the need/want to spill their guts. My only sister sent me a text that she isn’t coming. My reply? Ok. Why she isn’t coming? I don’t know…
I’ve had people go into long drawn out explanations…It’s OKAY! We’re going to get married no matter what! We need 5 people…as long as the officiant & 2 guests show, we’re getting married! 🙂
Post # 56
I don’t understand the garter toss – honestly, I think sitting in a chair in the middle of a room full of people who are staring at you while your new husband fishes around underneath your dress isn’t funny/sweet/cool/whatever, and I’m constantly surprised that traditional endures. It’s creepy!
I don’t understand people that only equate engagement/marriage with “commitment”. If you’re dating exclusively, not cheating, living together, having children together, etc. – you have a committed relationship. Sure marriage is a different stage in a relationship, but I don’t believe it’s one day “uncommitted”, and then “committed” only when he puts a ring on it. I don’t get it.
Post # 57
@CanAmBride, totally!! I could not bring myself to address the envelopes “traditionally.” Every person got their very own first name written out, even if I did say “Mr.” or “Mrs.” before their name. Also, I’m with you on the whole BM/MOH situation. My Fiance and I have my cousin and his sister standing with us. So, technically we each have a Maid/Matron of Honor :). And yes, the Bridesmaid or Best Man dress thing– fun idea I guess, but really I just want them to wear something they feel beautiful and comfortable in, and if they wear something that is somewhat aligned with my wedding colors that would be nice…
Post # 58
I’ve been to nearly 30 weddings in my life, so at this point, I’m practically an expert. That made me rethink every “tradition” when it came to my own, and I cut out a LOT. No bouquet toss, garter toss, silly dances (like the one where the DJ announces years and if you haven’t been married that long, you have to get off the dance floor), etc. I also didn’t make my bridesmaids buy jewelry or new shoes or get their hair, makeup, or nails done.
- choreographed dances
- a DJ with a box of props (like I want to put some gross mangy wig or hat on with my hair all nicely styled!!)
- a “tip jar” you put money in if you want the couple to kiss (since when did weddings become a cash grab?! The dollar dance invokes similar hatred in me)
My Mother-In-Law actually asked if I was going to take singing and dancing lessons before the wedding. What? I’m not there to entertain people. I hired a singer and I don’t care if I’m a crappy dancer.
Post # 59
I don’t understand why having a flower girl and/ring bearer is so important to people, that they would ask children they don’t really know to participate. Of course, if the child(ren) you ask are important to you, that’s a different subject. But a child of a cousin’s friend twice removed? I think someone in your bridal party would be just as capable as a kid.
Post # 60
I’ve never gotten bridal portraits. Um, isn’t the day about TWO people? Why is there a giant picture of just one of them at the reception then?
Also, I second the “classic” or “timeless” wedding/dress. No matter what you do, it’s going to look dated. Embrace it, and enjoy the day!
On the flip side of what a lot of the comments have said, it drives me nuts when people sneer at couples who choose to do traditional things. Being traditional is no less of a choice than being trendy or non-traditional!
Post # 61
I am like you guys that I have been to or been in so many weddings that I have really become exhausted with so many things. Starting with bridesmaids. OR wedding party in general. Not having it. I have never been in a wedding where being a bridesmaid made me happier at the wedding or that they ever added anything to the ceremony. In fact it always caused more headache. So my Fiance and I decided no groomsmen, no bridesmaids, not flower girl, no ring bearer. No need. All my friends are welcome to pop in and spend time with me the day of while I am getting ready while I don’t have to worry about them. Every wedding vendor I am working with pat me on the back for this one.
Second. No bouquet/garter toss… I mean really? None of my single friends would enjoy this and the chance of taking out a light fixture would not make the day better.
Champagne toast. We don’t like Champagne. Boy did everyone have an issue with that. So in rebellion to all their complaining that we needed special toasting champagne glasses we took the free ones we got from registering and bedazzled the heck out them. They are hideious… so there you go… special toasting glasses.
Programs. why? We have no wedding party, 50 guests and me in a fancy dress… can’t they figure out what is going on? Not having them. They would just kill trees.
Oh I am sure I will think of more. But here is my rant for now.